Would you wash mouth out with soap of 12 year old Son

[SilverStreak7]

He KEEPS using the C word .. Out of all swear words I hate that the most .. Would you wash his mouth out with soap ? I am aware he may swear outside (which Im not pleased with) but in front of me disgusts me . .

[sashh]

thegreylady

What you describe sounds like a reaction, something you did without thinking and not premeditated. That I can understand.

I have no idea what I did to get the soap treatment, I don't think it was swearing.

I was punished a lot for not telling my mother how much I loved her, it was probably that.

[MyBaby1day]

In 2 words-no way!. It's abuse.

[Wuldric]

I'd like to see you try ...

Mind you, at 12 my DS was taller than me and in the second row ...

Not that he would ever ever have used the c-word. Or not in front of me anyway. Can you not just cut off your DS's phone and confiscate laptop?

Two days in IT isolation and I bet he'll have forgotten the c-word and be back to calling you Mummy

[YouTheCat]

My dd is excellent at swearing. I like to share some of the gems that MN has taught me with her.

She is, however, like DawnD's kids, respectful and appropriate in her language.

[Dawndonnaagain]

I'm well aware of the meaning of puerile. I'm also sorry to have upset you. I still do not understand your reasoning. I get love and respect from my children, all four of them. Their swearing doesn't bother me, as I said, they know when it is and isn't appropriate, they would all swear in front of the queen and wouldn't in front of you. As I have said, though, I don't understand the problem with taboo language, particularly as it is only taboo in some circles.

[cory]

The fact that certain types of physical punishment were permitted in earlier eras doesn't mean that everybody used them. It means the people who wanted to used them. Others did not.

My parents never hit me or put soap into my mouth- and I never swore in their hearing. My grandparents never hit or put soap in their children's mouth- and I am pretty sure my mother never swore in their hearing. My greatgrandparents did not hit or (I believe) put soap in their daughter's mouth- and I think it is pretty well a certainty that my grandmother never swore in their hearing, or indeed in anybody's hearing.

It has always been possible to bring children up without resorting to painful or physically unpleasant treatment. People who cared enough to think the question through have always known this.

[DaleyBump]

It's not that she did it once, it's that (as AF said) she's still saying that physical abuse solves bad behaviour because "it worked for me".

[Oblomov]

GreyLady did it once. It's not systematic regular abuse.
I think we need to ease off her.

[DaleyBump]

You equated caning and smacking with washing a child's mouth out with soap. I don't see it as an unreasonable question.

[MajesticWhine]

I forgive my mum for what she did. We all make mistakes as parents. I have screwed up many times, and no doubt will do so again. However, although I am able to forgive, having my mouth washed out with soap was a traumatic incident that really sticks in the memory, and is indicative of the fear I feel / felt towards my mother. Yes, I would love my children to not swear at me, but I don't want them to fear me.

[OlympicSleepingChampion]

Spelling fail - not gentile - it should say genteel.

[ReallyTired]

No: That is child abuse.

(Most 12 year old boys are physically larger than their mothers and quite justifly he might smack you round the head in self defence!)

Banning the computer is the way forward!

[Kewcumber]

No (though I'm not sure OP will be back)

Though I would make him sit through a Powerpoint presentation complete with photos and anatomically correct diagrams preferably including all possible medical problems affecting said area. Just to make sure he is really clear about what word he's using.

So important to be an educator as well as a parent.

It may also do the trick.

[thegreylady]

Don't be stupid Daley. I have never and would never lay a finger on my grandchildren.
It wasn't premeditated. I didnt go and find the soap I was washing up at the time. I regret lots of things I did and left undone with my kids just that doesn't seem like a big deal. I could lie of course.
My daughter knows exactly how I feel not that that incident has played much part in our relationship then or now. I think it did less harm than yelling at her or maybe slapping her (which I would have regretted).
Now I am hiding the thread, this is a bloody internet forum of people who don't know me I cannot let them hurt me.

[OlympicSleepingChampion]

My DM was taught to never swear or to be 'rude' to anyone ever at her private school which has unfortunately resulted in her never being able to answer assertively to anyone who is being rude to her. She is just unfailingly polite all the bloody time and comes away frustrated about what she should have said. It drives me bonkers and it has really done her no favours at all. She is a mess of gentile rage when the answer would really have been to tell somebody to 'fuck off to the far side of fuck' etc etc.

I went to a comprehensive school and I have no such limitations. I swear like a trooper, respond to rudeness with appropriate language and try as I might, I have tried to teach her to do the same. But she cannot utter a profanity no matter how hard I have tried.

But soap in the mouth? No. That's abuse, which is probably why the OP hasn't come back.

[Pagwatch]

And, whilst I am kind of relaxed about being a hell hound, my point was that you continued to link loving, well behaved children with forcefully forbidding swearing.
I was just disputing the idea that such a link exists.

[AnyFucker]

You seem like a nice woman otherwise, TGL. It's just a bit difficult to understand someone who would still justify such a mean trick.

[DaleyBump]

Do you cane/smack your grandchildren?

[AnyFucker]

Who cares about the "bosom of mumsnet" (whatever that is)

If I had ever put soap in a child's mouth, even back in 1980, I would regret it and wish that I had dealt with the situation differently at the time. I have done some bloody rotten things to my kids, lost my temper many times, but I certainly beat myself up about it more than they were ever affected by them. Just because your grown daughter is ok with it, still doesn't make it right

And like it or not, there is something very cold, premeditated and calculating about a punishment like this.

[DaleyBump]

You would still do that?! I bet your daughter doesn't know of your feelings about that. Surely she wouldn't leave her children with you otherwise.

[DuelingFanjo]

Sorry. My post went a bit odd. I meant thegreylady ... You say times change. What is it about the changing times that has stopped your daughter doing the same, or what is it that makes you think her reason for not doing it is the changing times?

Is it that abuse like this is taken so much more seriously these days?

[thegreylady]

I think that years ago we did things which would horrify us today. The cane was used in schools, most parents smacked,swearing was much less common, especially in women. I do feel that for some reason I am being portrayed as abusive over what was a single incident which neither dd nor I was bothered about then or now. I am quite distressed which is silly as this is not at all about me but about OP's question.
I see that if, like Oblomov, I would say that I now see the error of my ways I would be received back into the bosom of Mumsnet but, honestly, if it was still 1980 and I was in the same situation I might well react in the same way even with hindsight.

[DaleyBump]

What AF said.

[AnyFucker]

TGL, the reason why you got a pasting and oblomov didn't is because you are still justifying the physical abuse of a child and she is not.

[DuelingFanjo]

Egreyladu, you say times have changed. What's it that you think has changed?