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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people can't keep their houses in a basic state of cleanliness?

526 replies

HarderToKidnap · 16/09/2013 12:26

Disabilities aside, why can't people keep their homes basically clean?

I work part time, have a messy dog, a demanding toddler, am extremely lazy but my house always looks OK. You couldn't eat your tea off the top of the door frames but the kitchen surfaces are clean, floors hoovered, sofas plumped and inviting, toilet free of poo crumbs. It's easy and doesn't take long. So WHY do I go round to so many of my friend's houses and see they live in complete pits? Gritty nasty sofas that are horrible to sit on, filthy kitchens, poo smears and crumbs all over toilet, minging hand towels, floors covered in bits. IT IS NOT HARD to do the basics. I've just done a house once over and it's taken 45 minutes.

I understand not wanting to spend all day dusting your books or whatever but when people are coming over why wouldn't you want them to feel clean and comfy in your house? I'm not talking about people that physically can't do it because of illness or disability, but the rest of you? WHY??!!!

OP posts:
SlobAtHome · 16/09/2013 18:24

Akray you wont know anyone who lives in squalor because you wont be allowed to see it. When I was in a state (and I mean a real real state) I lived in horrible filthy mess. It was gross. No one ever came round. Ever. I would simply not allow it.

filee777 · 16/09/2013 18:32

I think perhaps, op, you don't realise quite how much you do around the home in little bits. I will generally move stuff around and put things away properly but when I am rushing around, barely stopping to eat and generally being totally hectic, I tend to find that more mess accumulates and then when I come to 'clean' I get through the surface mess rather than doing a proper deep clean.

Am attacking the toilets tonight though!

mum11970 · 16/09/2013 18:37

By the time I got home from the school run, for my youngest, my eldest had arrived home and left a trail of toast crumbs all over the kitchen counter. With 3 kids, a dh and 4 dogs it's a never ending cycle and it's very rare there are no crumbs or dog hairs in my house.

LadyRabbit · 16/09/2013 18:42

YANBU OP. basic hygiene isn't that labour intensive.
However, do you think a thread like this would ever exist on a predominantly male frequented community site? Do threads like this exist on Dadsnet?

I doubt it. Which makes me very filing Angry because it tends to be women who notice if stuff is dirty/ tidy/ in need of repair and actually do something about on top of the thousand other things we have to do of a day. Men seem to think those incredible creatures the domestic fairies are responsible.

Grrrr.

(Although my DH is very good at a once monthly blitz except nobody can find anything after he has done his tidy up. I'd trade the blitzes for a smelly sock laundry basket amnesty every few days and figuring out how to switch the washing machine on.)

LadyRabbit · 16/09/2013 18:43

*filing = fucking. My autocorrect is clearly very prudish.

catgirl1976 · 16/09/2013 18:45

Well - you work part time

Try upping it to full and see how sparkly your house is.

Scrubber · 16/09/2013 18:46

My family mess it up as soon as it is done. Dh is a messy sod and doesn't help and I'm losing the strictness battle with the kids to stop them roaming with toast crumbs etc. My house is too big for it to be a 45 min job.

Beechview · 16/09/2013 18:47

I'm sure that some people think my standards aren't high enough but I always try to keep my house as clean as I can.
I love to make my house as cosy and relaxing as possible. Dh and the kids help too.
Its not spotless and it gets messy but I try to organise things so its easy to clean.
Its not always easy with 3 young kids but everyone has to do their bit.
It just makes it a happier environment for us and with the cold weather coming up and more time spent indoors, its just nicer.

I don't care about anyone else's house.

Original poster
HarderToKidnap · 16/09/2013 18:51

Plenty of people work full time and keep their house basically clean. Plenty of people have more than one kid/multiple dogs etc and keep their houses basically clean.

That sounds a bit goady, it's not meant to be. But I don't really buy this "oh you only have one toddler THAT IS LIKE BEING ON HOLIDAY" stuff. Yes, I don't have as many claims on my time as some people, but equally there are a lot of filthy SAHMs and lots of full time WOHMs and DAds with sparkly homes.

OP posts:
cassgate · 16/09/2013 18:52

Have been reading this thread with interest as I have often wondered this myself about my sil and about one of my friends. Both seem to live in a state of chaos. Now I wouldn't say their houses are dirty as such, at least the bathrooms and kitchen seem clean but the general mess and chaos is amazing. I admit that I am quite an ordered person and I like to know where everything is so maybe I am the one with the problem. You go round their houses and there are just piles of stuff everywhere, all up the stairs, on the dining table, kitchen work surfaces, sofa. Piles of clean washing waiting to be put away, ironing piles a mile high. I just couldn't live like that and what's more annoying is that they moan about it but do nothing about it.

SlobAtHome · 16/09/2013 18:52

Also, I have to hand wash every bloody dish, and it's the job I hate the most.

Anyway, I'm not sorry for the state of my home.

"This is my house dammit, and if you don't like it.... you can get the fuck out!"

My mate is worse than me so I know she aint judging. In fact I can see her judging me when I do clean up :o

bigmouthstrikesagain · 16/09/2013 18:56

I would have a lovely clean - toilet if I lived on my own - as it is I am constantly cleaning everyone elses poo of 3 fugging toilets - plus hoovering plus plus plus - I am sure you are right and maybe I deserve public shunning If I don't pass the clean and tidy test - but frankly my dear I don't give a damn. Wink

Btw - I do make a big extra effort when I know folk are coming my toilets looking hygenic and my surfaces clean - but I am sure my rather cluttered and disorganised home is still below par for some.

Original poster
HarderToKidnap · 16/09/2013 18:56

You see, I'm 100% about a guest. It so important to me that someone comes into my home and feels welcome. Having a reasonably clean home is part of that, to me, as is having plenty of food and drink in, toys for their kids, heating on if they're cold etc etc. I'd never be able to think "oh fuck off if you don't like it". My mum was very unwelcoming and I HATED it. SHe was very clean though!

OP posts:
duchessandscruffy · 16/09/2013 18:56

Do you know what YANBU. I know a girl who is totally lovely and has a ds the same age as mine. For a long time I only ever saw her 'in public' and she always seemed so organised and together with her ds. So I was absolutely gobsmacked when I did to round her house and saw it was a total shittip! Crap everywhere, mouldy cups just strewn around, a carpet that hasn't been hoovered in months. I thought it might be a one off but then it has been like that everytime I have been there, including times where she knows lots of people are coming round.

I am a total slattern, but I feel like anthea fucking turned when I go round there. I know it can be tricky to keep on top of things but surely if you know people are coming round you would just stash the mouldy cups away at least?

defineme · 16/09/2013 18:59

Off topic -your dog poos a lot because of the food you're giving it-is it dry food? Switch to wet and it'll probably go down to 1 or 2 a day.

duchessandscruffy · 16/09/2013 19:02

Defineme - really, I would have thought it would have been the other way around because of the wet food being erm, slippier

PuddingAndHotMilk · 16/09/2013 19:03

CBA to read the whole thread but OP, here's a Biscuit. My first one I think. It comes with poo crumbs.

Original poster
HarderToKidnap · 16/09/2013 19:03

He has severe liver disease, so it's that that makes him poo a lot. He's on a mix of dry and raw meat.

OP posts:
LadyBigtoes · 16/09/2013 19:15

We try to keep ours in a basic state of cleanliness - that means mostly me (as I work pt and am at home with DC some days) and my god, it is hard. Laundry, dishes (which DP does once a day), general tidying up, hoovering occasionally, house admin and maintenance, bathroom, changing beds all take up time - maybe it's not much time if you're a sahm and whizz round every day when you have peace and quiet to do it in, but when you are trying to cram it in between work (which also runs into my evenings), school runs, toddler tantrums, kids' classes, evening classes, any attempts at a social life etc - I can only fit in a bare minimum and only do that because I hate living in filth and mess and can't bear to let it get bad.

I'd only have to care slightly less, or have slightly less time, and it would certainly have gone to pot. And once it goes to pot, it's even harder to get the time and inclination together to sort it.

LadyBigtoes · 16/09/2013 19:17

I have to say having visitors to stay is the one thing that forces me and DP to tackle some jobs, like cleaning the bathroom and kitchen floor properly. We ONLY do that if someone is coming to stay.

maddy68 · 16/09/2013 19:22

My house is a shit hole. Well not quite but the kind I need to know if someone's coming
Why?

I work full time and have way better things to do with my free time than clean.

Snog · 16/09/2013 19:22

Goingupintheworld if 99% of the houses your dp goes into her views as "disgusting" then there is your answer.
Only 1% of homeowners meet your standards and 99% of the population are slobs...or your standards are ludicrous.

BeaWheesht · 16/09/2013 19:27

Well my house descends into chaos now and again but I would NEVER let anyone see it when it's like this.

I remember growing up and my mum would only let people in when the house was pristine I hated it. My best friends mum had people round all the time, their kitchen table was cluttered, they had piles of stuff on the stairs and if you wants a drink you probably had to hunt for a cup but I LOVED it there, it was so homely.

Therefore I try and strike a balance but I find it very hard letting people see when my house isn't as perfect as its ever going to get and that makes me sad :( I want the kids to have friends round whenever and people to pop in for coffee etc.

I wish I had your friends tbh all mine have spotlessly clean and immaculately decorated homes and I'm always embarrassed to invite them round to mine!!!

SlobAtHome · 16/09/2013 19:28

harder many people feel totally uncomfortable is a house is like a show home. I HATE going round to my brother's in laws family home because they are show home types and I barely dare to breathe let alone mve. I feel nervous about my DS wanting to play.

There are extremes both ways.

BTW, even when totally depressed and the house was 'how clean is your house' style. If I knew someone coming (usually someone that I couldn't turn away like a health visitor - hence them totally missing the mental state I was in) I would spend all day cleaning. Literally I would have to spend a whole 12 hours, but I would do it.

DawnOfTheDee · 16/09/2013 19:28

You know I was just thinking this morning about how I haven't made many any friends at things like baby/toddler groups and should make more of an effort. I have dc2 on the way and do feel a bit 'on my own' when I'm looking after DD (I work p/t).

But possibly getting ahead of myself I was worrying a bit that people might judge my house. I live in a naice area in a very small house. It's pretty cluttered with stuff. I'm trying my best to get on top of things...clearing out a bit at a time...taking stuff to the tip/charity shop. But whatever way you slice it still looks messy. I'm not the cleanest/tidiest person every. I'm trying really hard to be better.

Maybe it's pregnancy hormones but this thread has upset me a bit and confirmed that if i did make any friends they would judge my little, scruffy house.

I'm off to try and find a jollier thread to cheer me up and yes i know i could go and clean now but i can't be fecking arsed