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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re babysitting neighbour's kids at 39 weeks pregnant

31 replies

sandwichyear · 16/09/2013 03:36

My neighbour and I often do reciprocal babysitting for the odd daytime appointment etc for an hour or two. She has 2 kids, aged 3 and 1. We have one aged 3. When we go out in the evening we get a 'real' babysitter, but the ones we use are usually working/ at college etc during the day. They don't tend to use babysitters that often and don't go out much in the evenings, although they do occasionally.

I am 39 weeks pregnant, having a c-section in 4 days. I'm pretty exhausted, finishing up work, coping with a toddler, trying to get everything sorted before baby arrives and generally v uncomfortable with painful hips/ breathlessness/ tiredness/ all the usual late pregnancy stuff. My neighbour has just asked me to babysit for her kids one night this week for 3 hours while she has an early child-free dinner with her mother. She doesn't want to book a babysitter as she says she 'trusts' me more. her kids are pretty hard work (as are all kids of that age I guess) and I know that there will also be a HUGE mess afterwards that I will have to clean up and I'm finding the bending/ lifting of housework a lot to cope with atm. AIBU in thinking it is a bit off of her to ask me at this stage or should I just suck it up? I don't really want to say no, as we will probably need to ask them to babysit in an emergency for us if I go into labour before the c-section this week and don't want to cause bad feeling. Am I being unreasonable/ precious/ a bad neighbour to not want to do this?

OP posts:
TheQuietCricket · 16/09/2013 03:42

No YANBU, she is perhaps being somewhat thoughtless but it's surely not worth falling out over.

Just be straight with her and say you are shattered and wanting to rest up as much as possible in the last days before the impending birth. She'll probably realise she is asking too much of you at this stage of your pregnancy.

Don't babysit, be honest but all smiles about it. You never know when you may want her help after the birth.

fuckwittery · 16/09/2013 03:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GColdtimer · 16/09/2013 03:48

Yanbu but just say you are really sorry but you are exhausted at the moment and have loads to do before your csection. She is bring a bit thoughtless but an apologetic no should suffice

TheFallenNinja · 16/09/2013 03:50

Knock firmly on her forehead whilst shouting "Hello, McFly" until she realises.

Mouserama · 16/09/2013 04:12

Ninja Grin

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 16/09/2013 07:30

Just say no, I'm sure she won't take offence

PrimalLass · 16/09/2013 07:33

If you say yes, say you'll do it in her house.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 16/09/2013 07:37

Just say no, or offer your dp as suggested. I cannot imaging anyone being annoyed by saying no given your days away from having your baby.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 16/09/2013 07:39

If you do agree to it make sure she understands that you are baby sitting her children in her house and that if they play with toys etc that because you are so close to giving birth yourself that tidying up after them is just going to be impossible and if she doesn't mind coming back to mess (which no doubt she is aware how much her own children make) that you don't mind 'sitting' with them but that is about all you'll be able for at this stage.

Otherwise just say no, it's not possible as you don't know if/when your own baby might decide to make it's own appearance

bluestar2 · 16/09/2013 07:40

Grin Grin ninja I love it.

I think she is prob a little thoughtless but if you are honest there won't be a prob. Just tell her no but nicely.

MrsWedgeAntilles · 16/09/2013 08:35

Has she made plans for what would happen if you went into labour while you were babysitting? Or if your waters broke? Surely she doesn't expect you to look after her kids, even for the time it took her to get to you, soaking wet from the waist down and contracting away?

What if her DCs have an accident? Could you wrangle 3 children into the car to get them to the GP or the hospital?

You've got to that 'anything could happen in the next half hour' phase of your pregnancy so I don't think YBU at all to say no. I'd be sorely tempted to go down the Ninja route, but on balance I think, like others have said, it would be best to be lovely about it.

whois · 16/09/2013 08:49

Not U to ask you, but also totally R to say "no, afraid I'm not feeling up to babysitting at the moment, what with being so heavily pg. hope you find someone. I can give you the number if my babysitter if you like?"

Dubjackeen · 16/09/2013 09:31

YANBU. Does she realise how close you are to due date? Just tell her nicely you don't feel up to it, with such a short time to go until your du date.

MrsOakenshield · 16/09/2013 09:38

no, I wouldn't do it, but equally when we have a babysitter in the evening, paid or a friend, everything is tidy and DD is in bed, if not asleep - I would never expect my babysitter to have to tidy up! But anyway, even if she could guarantee that you wouldn't be doing that, you're far to PG to be babysitting for anyone else, surprised she can't see that.

steppedonlego · 16/09/2013 12:36

Suggest turning the early dinner into a later dinner, and you'll sit round her house making sure the DCs are fine whilst snugly asleep in bed.

kiriwawa · 16/09/2013 12:45

Do what steppedon said. Tell her you're too knackered to do daytime care but you'll do an evening once the kids are in bed for a couple of hours. It doesn't take 3 hours to have dinner with your mum either!

Nanny0gg · 16/09/2013 12:48

Don't do it.

You need all the rest you can get and you may have a C-section booked, but have you told your baby? Grin

She'll have to find someone else this time.

PomBearArmy · 16/09/2013 13:39

Just tell her no, that you're too tired, and don't offer a compromise, it just opens the door to tedious negotiations.

Having dinner with her mother is not an emergency. She can take her children with her.

Bumpotato · 16/09/2013 13:45

I babysat for my neighbour when I was overdue. She was absolutely stuck and had an important meeting at the school to go to. She made me a lovely lunch when she got back.

But for a social, er no, I wouldn't.

ringaringarosy · 16/09/2013 13:48

Just say no!shes probably just being a bit thoughtless,just say actually im really knackered and im trying to get everything sorted for when i go in in a few days its just a bit hectic at the moment.

DIYapprentice · 16/09/2013 13:56

Just say 'I'm so sorry, I'd really love to help you out, but I'm so shattered at the moment I just can't.'

Retroformica · 16/09/2013 14:00

Tell her you are havi g braxtons and feel awful. Remind her you are 39 weeks

Original poster
sandwichyear · 16/09/2013 17:16

thanks everyone. thing is- if I say no, can I then impose on her if I do go into labour suddenly to babysit my DD or is that really out of order? If not, we don't have any other options!
(btw- I would never fall out with her over this, or be anything other than really nice about it...)

Thanks!

OP posts:
kiriwawa · 16/09/2013 20:34

Yes of course you can! Labour/CS is a big life event. Having an early dinner with your mum isn't!

Cerisier · 18/09/2013 01:18

I don't think it is worth falling out over as she sounds a helpful neighbor usually.

Why can't DH go over and hold the fort for her? I think he needs to step in and offer here for your sake.

If he can't for some reason then explain you can't bend and tidy, you'll be happy to sit there and keep an eye on things but she must do the clearing up the next morning.