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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not offer food or coffee to the parents at my DD's birthday party?

98 replies

Kiwiinkits · 15/09/2013 23:45

DD is turning 3. We're having a party at a small venue at a museum where they organise stories and games for the kids. Then, I was hoping to just give a 'goodie bag' to each of the kids, which they would take with them to a spot nearby where we would sing happy birthday and cut the cake. There's 10 kids coming, and therefore 10 accompanying adults.

WIBU to just offer the adults a piece of cake (and not offer them drinks or coffee)? Basically I'm really busy and I CBA preparing lots of adult food. CBA preparing a kids party either, which is why I booked the venue. But now I'm getting the guilts about not offering a full Martha Stewart garden party complete with bunting and beautiful cupcakes. Sigh. I hate mummy guilt.

OP posts:

Famzilla · 15/09/2013 23:47

So will there be any food whatsoever? I can't tell from your OP whether the kids will be fed anything other than cake, sorry.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 15/09/2013 23:48

YABU, i think. Parents have no choice but to stay when the children are only three, so you should at least offer a coffee. Just good manners.

CocacolaMum · 15/09/2013 23:48

not preparing adult food is fine, expecting the kids not to dive into their party bags and not pay attention to your plan of singing is a bit optimistic. Would it really be that hard to have a kettle and coffee there for people to help themselves to?

MamaMumra · 15/09/2013 23:49

A cup of tea or a drink would be nice - does the museum have a cafe?

NumTumDeDum · 15/09/2013 23:49

I think a drink should be offered. I'm with you on the food though. A bit of cake and a brew, no more. Presumably it's only going to be 90 mins max so they won't starve!

Original poster

Kiwiinkits · 15/09/2013 23:49

Also, what's the etiquette around opening presents? Do I let my DD open her gifts at the venue? Or should we take them home and do the opening discretely?

OP posts:

MidniteScribbler · 15/09/2013 23:49

Can you take a couple of thermos of hot water, some tea, coffee, milk and disposable cups and set them up on a card table and let parents help themselves? Or at least have some bottles of water available? I wouldn't bother with food, but I'd have a few drinks at least. Alternatively, is there a coffee shop nearby that parents could go and buy their own?

LittleBearPad · 15/09/2013 23:49

I think a drink would be good. Sounds like you'll be outside so a few soft drinks / water. Nothing effortful but something.

Also not clear if the kids get anything?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 15/09/2013 23:49

What do you mean by "spot"? Can't judge till' you reveal....is it a layby? A cafe? A park?

CocacolaMum · 15/09/2013 23:49

also, if you cba to do a party wtf are you bothering for!?

NumTumDeDum · 15/09/2013 23:49

I was assuming the children have more than cake btw.

HeySoulSister · 15/09/2013 23:51

It sounds awful.... Sorry op, but at 3 they should be having FUN!!

NumTumDeDum · 15/09/2013 23:51

Yes take presents home to open, that way no one compares presents and if your dc has an unfavourable reaction to anything, you won't be embarassed!

Original poster

Kiwiinkits · 15/09/2013 23:51

Okay, thanks guys. Fair enough. Will have a re-think.

OP posts:

ShakeAndVac · 15/09/2013 23:52

Hard to tell from your post whether YABU or not. Is there going tobe any food AT ALL?! As in, are the 3 year old's getting fed?!
If I were taking mine to a 3 year old's party, I'd expect the children to be fed, and the adults as a bonus. I certainly wouldn't expect the adults to be fed but it would be nice if they were.
No food at a party for even the children though is definitely not the norm and people bringing their small people to the party will probably be expecting the small people to be fed!

BiBiBroccoli · 15/09/2013 23:53

Well it's not exactly a hurculean task to provide 10 drinks - so yes YABU.

Can't you just buy a couple of bottles of juice/schloer/water and some plastic cups? You could buy a box of Krispy Kremes or some muffins from Tesco. It is a small amount of effort and as the parents will be forced to stay due to DC's age I think its rude not to offer at least a drink.

ShakeAndVac · 15/09/2013 23:56

Seriously, I've been to loads of children's birthday parties the past few years and I've never expected to be fed or watered. Neither do most people.
Are the children having party food though? You weren't very clear in your OP.
The children should be fed if not. It's supposed to be a party after all.

Original poster

Kiwiinkits · 16/09/2013 00:00

Yes the kids are getting some party food in their goodie bags, like mini choc bars, a lollipop etc. But on second thought this isn't going to cut it.

Next year Dad is going to organise the party. I run a consulting firm, FFS, but organising a child's party is far more stressful.

Thanks all x

OP posts:

CocacolaMum · 16/09/2013 00:06

Lunch boxes are easy to do in advance and I found that there is FAR less waste. You can buy them flatpacked in most party shops or online and then just pop in carton of juice, sarnie, etc

pigletmania · 16/09/2013 00:08

A party without party food you Willhave to re plan I think. Yes t is good manners to offer parents a drink, they have no choice to stay

MidniteScribbler · 16/09/2013 00:10

Do grocery stores in the UK do party platters? Ours will make up platters with things like cheese, crackers, cold meats, olives, etc and you can pick them up the day before or on the day and they're on a platter ready to serve. Alternatively, places like subway will do big platters of mixed subs, or most sandwich shops will do platters for you. There's the savory sorted, then buy a few packs of donuts or mini muffins and you've sorted the sweeter side.

LCHammer · 16/09/2013 00:12

They need 'proper' food not just mini-chocs etc in their bag. It's all very wasteful as 3/4 will be thrown away. But as you can see its not the kids but the parents you also have to appease. I wouldn't bother with food or drinks for the parents. They aren't going to wilt in 2 hours. Different if it's a party at home.

BackforGood · 16/09/2013 00:16

You really, really, really don't 'need' to do a birthday party for a 3 yr old. If it's not something that you particularly want, then don't do it - it's fine.
It becomes a bit more 'expected' once they get to school, but you've got 2 years to worry about before then, and you can get loads of advice on here in 2015

ShakeAndVac · 16/09/2013 00:26

Yes the kids are getting some party food in their goodie bags, like mini choc bars, a lollipop etc. But on second thought this isn't going to cut it.

Just in the party bags at the end?! Nope, that's rubbish, sorry! You'll have a load of "hungry, starving" kids (they all say that when hungry lol) all expecting party food.
Because a load of parents who have only given them a measly sandwich and piece of fruit before the party as they thought there was going to be food at the party and didn't want to spoil their appetite.
You don't need to do anything lavish. Just some sandwiches, crisps, fruit and fairy cakes type thing.

Original poster

Kiwiinkits · 16/09/2013 00:29

Problem with the food is that we have two kids coming who require halal, one who is a vegetarian and the party will be critically observed by my MIL who is a superb cook and who is distainful about my pitiful cooking. All of which contributes to a growing feeling of impending doom.

All suggestions taken on board, thanks.

OP posts:

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