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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that no-one has really cared about my youngest starting school?

80 replies

CinnamonAddict · 15/09/2013 19:09

My 4 yo has started school last week. All our relatives (except one) live abroad, where a huge fuss is being made of school starters (party for relatives, special cake etc).

We didn't hear from anyone, both grandmas, uncles, aunt, no one called or send a card, nothing.

At first I thought ok, they may have send a card but it's not here yet, but it's a week now so I can assume they have either forgotten (in the 3 weeks since we have seen them during the holidays) or don't care.

AIBU to feel quite sad about that?

OP posts:
Original poster
CinnamonAddict · 15/09/2013 19:32

I'm sure none of mine feel entitled because they had a fuss made of them when they started school. It's not praise, it's celebrating an occasion that only happens once.
OK, maybe it is a cultural thing, but it still makes me sad that no one called.
I'm ok about her starting school, she is more than ready!

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 15/09/2013 19:33

Her family live abroad though which according to OP is treated as a special event, it seems to be cultural differences more than anything else.
Did you family know the dates OP?

NonnoMum · 15/09/2013 19:33

Poor you. I know in some cultures it is a special day, much like a birthday, with a special gift bag I think?

If it is a cultural thing for you, then I understand you are upset. For instance, all the posters who have been negative about your upset probably celebrate birthdays or Christmas so would feel upset if their DCs GPs didn't enquire/send a gift if that is what is culturally appropriate.

At least your DC wouldn't have noticed as not such a fuss is made here (maybe partly because we have so much nursery etc...)

Phone your relatives or email them with first day photos etc. This might provoke them into mentioning it...

And to the posters who have never heard of First Day of school cards - you can get them in Tesco...

usualsuspect · 15/09/2013 19:34

I think the first day at school is a special day.

Some right bloody miseries on this thread.

Original poster
CinnamonAddict · 15/09/2013 19:38

Thanks for your feedback, I shall send some pics abroad, but the occasion is over (for us and dd2).
Yes, there are gift bags involved, all mine had them (at home obviously as no one else got them).
first day at school giftbag

OP posts:
LiegeAndLief · 15/09/2013 19:39

I think people are being a bit harsh. OP said that in the country where her relatives are (her country of orgin?) a big celebration is made of the first day of school. If you moved to a country where birthdays weren't celebrated, you'd probably be a bit pissed off if none of your relatives in the uk acknowledged your dd's birthday in any way.

My mum rang to find out how dd's first day at school went, isn't that fairly normal?!

EverybodysStressyEyed · 15/09/2013 19:40

My dh country of origin make a big deal of day 1. For both of ours we followed the tradition as much we could at home. Then we both took them to school and had a photo at the school gate.

Mil sent a little present and good luck card.

So yanbu op because that is the custom in your family. Did they send a card for your older kids?

EverybodysStressyEyed · 15/09/2013 19:41

Ha! Cross post - I guess you come from the same place as dh!!

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 15/09/2013 19:43

Surely the fuss is yours and dhs as frankly no one else cares that another kid has gone to school as its just what kids do at certain ages. It's lovely you made a fuss but beggars belief you thought everyone else would.

Original poster
CinnamonAddict · 15/09/2013 19:45

Everybody, yes probably Grin
For the older dc they sent cards and gifts to go into the gift bag.
They knew the dates as we've just seen them during the summer.

OP posts:
SubliminalMassaging · 15/09/2013 19:45

Oh for god's sake. I am clearly too old and jaded for this world. Is this what we have to do now? Really? Hmm Along with limos and proms for 11 year olds, and baby showers and sweet sixteens and hen nights that involve a whole week abroad? Jesus wept.

There are many, many things to get upset over in life, but this really isn't one of them. Stop behaving like a spoilt child. No-one cares that your child is starting school because it isn't bloody important! Why on earth should they care? All children do it.

Seriously, I worry about what kind of young people we are breeding who will have such high expectations of every minor event in their lives being treated as though they've just won the Nobel Peace prize or found the cure for cancer. How will the poor things cope when no-one showers them with presents and praise and party poppers at least four times a year? Shock

Learn to separate real achievements and celebrations from things that are merely trumped up marketing exercises designed to extract money out of us.

EverybodysStressyEyed · 15/09/2013 19:48

Well that is the curse of being the youngest!

I'm sure she didn't notice though and had a lovely time! It's nice to make them feel special on that day.

I wish we had the fancy dress festival here too - so many brilliant photos to mock dh about!!

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/09/2013 19:49

Hello Cinnamon - as a Brit living in Germany I totally understand - starting school is huge here (for those who don't know about it the Germans where we live are much less oft with birthdays and general gift giving than is average in the UK but starting school is a huge rite of passage and school here starts at age.6 and is much more of a shock to the system than starting reception in the UK.

Cinnamon as. your ds is only 4 maybe they don't really see it as starting school, after all she could perfectly well be starting Kiga in Germany. I often tell people shocked by the idea that UK children start school at 4 that reception is just Kiga with a bit of number and letter work done in a play based.way - maybe they should send her a present for starting Juniors: )

Original poster
CinnamonAddict · 15/09/2013 19:51

I think The spoilt child leaves the thread now.
Thanks to those who tried to understand!

And I will not be tempted to start an AIBU again.

(Every, I just love that festival, completely bonkers! We try to be there as often as we can)

OP posts:
EverybodysStressyEyed · 15/09/2013 19:51

I think the analogy up thread makes the point

If you moved to a country that didn't celebrate Christmas would you be upset if the gps ignored Christmas for your kids and didn't send a card.

Where dh comes from starting school is considered a big deal and it would have been a bit odd for the il's not to congratulate - especially if done or an older child.

I'm afraid op that this is a cultural thing and you won't get much sympathy on here from the look of it!

ArtexMonkey · 15/09/2013 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minidipper · 15/09/2013 19:53

Do your family make a big fuss of other people's children starting school?

DS2 has just started secondary and my auntie who lives nearby rang my mum about four times to find out how he was getting on, but my mum hadn't bothered to ring and ask and I hadn't bothered to ring and tell her. Just different types of people. My auntie is very hands on with her own grandchildren, my mum isn't.

The important thing is that you and her dad thought it was important, so you made a fuss of her. That's what matters, OP.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/09/2013 19:54

Cinnamon post on living overseas - its under homes and gardens for no logical reason. :)

Original poster
CinnamonAddict · 15/09/2013 19:54

Mr Tumbles in Bavaria Grin my relatives know we celebrate it as the start of school, some even went and bought the Schultüte with me. But maybe it is the distance, and it being the youngest. She certainly didn't notice.

OP posts:
LiegeAndLief · 15/09/2013 19:58

Oh come on I'm getting quite cross now. The OP and her relatives are fom another country where this is important! Do you buy your kids birthday and Christmas presents? Really? Why the hell bother, every child has birthdays, you're just bringing them up to be hideously entitled brats. I hope Grandma doesn't send a card, or she'll be doing the same - and after all, why should she care your child is another year older? It's your child, no one else gives a damn.

OP, I'm sorry your dc has been a bit side lined and I hope you taken the total lack of empathy and understanding from some posters to heart.

LiegeAndLief · 15/09/2013 19:59

Haven't taken!

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/09/2013 20:00

Ah that is thoughtless then - she should get they same fuss her older siblings got! Glad she didn't notice. We keep British customs (stocking on Christmas eve for eg) alongside German/Bavarian ones, its only right children should know both parts of their heritage Imp so I think you do right to celebrate the first day of schools - its not a modern indulgenve its an old tradition personal to your child's background

MrsBungle · 15/09/2013 20:01

I've never heard of cards or parties but I'd be upset if dd's grandmother hadn't bothered to even ask how she got on on her first day. It is a mile-stone.

Both me and dh took the day off! We both dropped her off and picked her up - it may be business as usual to some folk but we both wanted to be there for her that day.

I asked after all my friends kids who started this year and my dnephew. I'm interested in how they got on.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/09/2013 20:01

Sorry - multiple phone typos

Silverfoxballs · 15/09/2013 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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