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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend of DH arriving on a Sunday at 7.34am

144 replies

Fairy1303 · 15/09/2013 07:44

My DH is a nice person. (read, mug.) friend was supposed to come over yesterday to talk about a business they are in the process of starting up. Friend cancelled. last minute.

Friend tried to re-arrange for today - no time given.

Today, we are child free, we went out for the night together last night. As our youngest is 12 weeks old, our lie ins are pretty precious to me.

We also have in laws coming over for Sunday lunch, so busy morning.

So when friend tries to rearrange, DH says non - committal 'oh mate, we're pretty busy tomorrow, got parents coming for lunch and busy morning.
Could possible spare an hour or so before but another day would be better.'

Response: 'ah ok.'

Then this morning, 7.15am - DH gets a text - 'Hi mate - I'm on my way. Be with you at 7.30ish.'

So now he's downstairs!!!

AIBU to be so fucking angry I ripped DH to shreads this morning and would honestly like to go down there and explain to this prick exactly how unwelcome he is?! Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fucking fuck fuck fuckprick.

OP posts:
McNewPants2013 · 15/09/2013 11:59

I change my view.

As much as he has the right to do what he wants, but to me it now reads that he put his friends before you.

diddl · 15/09/2013 11:59

Why didn't your husband text back-"don't come round"?

When they get back, go out & tell them that you will be back at X time to eat lunch with ILs.

Oldraver · 15/09/2013 12:12

OP..What was you reply to the smal talk off friend ? as that was the ideal opportunity to tell him he was out of order

arethereanyleftatall · 15/09/2013 12:12

What does being fuming and angry and giving someone a bollockibg actually achieve. Answer,a miserable day.

I honestly don't get it.

your morning was fucked up at 7.30. So, do you a] spend the morning fuming on MN, being bitter,, then strop around, and ruin the afternoon.
Or b)) think fucj it, that plan has gone, then do whatever you fancy doing, and enjoy it, buy aunt bessies for lunch and enjoy life.

I just don't get it.

Tryharder · 15/09/2013 12:19

I get that its a bit annoying in the grand scheme of things, yeah

But your kicking off at your DH and your anger is a bit OTT.

It's not you that's lost your lie-in.

YABU

Chill.

Trigglesx · 15/09/2013 12:20

Perhaps the best thing would be to sit down with DH and say "look, obviously this morning has not gone well. I think we need to set some ground rules about this type of thing so there are no more future problems with this." And then agree to certain days/times that are "no business meeting/FIFA" times.

Point out to him calmly that you are disappointed and annoyed that you both lost out on some lovely child-free time together. (Let him draw his own conclusion about what he may have missed with that Grin)

pigletmania · 15/09/2013 12:45

Talk about it calmly later on and take parents out to lunch like astro pub or something

JoinYourPlayfellows · 15/09/2013 12:46

"And trust me, he is going to get the bollocking of his life."

Glad to hear it. He really deserves it.

QuintessentialShadows · 15/09/2013 12:48

Lol at "astro pub"

I would like that.

Original poster
Fairy1303 · 15/09/2013 12:51

We are back on track. He is contrite, done all cleaning, peeled all veg and v apologetic. I don't think my anger was OTT. We are adults, clearly we discuss things rationally, didnt have screaming match but I have made my position clear.

I did make a snide joke to friend who suggested next Sunday for next one(!) that I hoped it wouldn't be at 7 am next time and would be at his house.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 15/09/2013 12:53

Has it occurred to you that this whole business venture is just code for two blokes playing on the computer together?

StuntGirl · 15/09/2013 13:00

I am incredibly laid back about this sort of thing, my partner spends 4+ days a week out of the house on his hobby which I actively support and encourage, he goes out on far more nights out than me and 'a few pints in the pub' often turns into him crawling in at 2am. I don't care, because we both do our own thing and are very happy with it.

I'd have gone down after an hour and pulled the plug. And his mate would be out the door sharpish. And they would never make the same mistake again.

I hope you can have a discussion about how this 'business' is going to affect your family life together.

AnnaBegins · 15/09/2013 13:01

YANBU and I'm glad to hear he's now gone! My DH's parents do this, turn up super early (they live an hour and a half away, no idea how they manage it) when I'm not up yet and our only shower is downstairs so I then have to walk past them in a towel and he never tells them it's not appropriate to turn up that early at a weekend!

However, do you really think your DH should be going into business when both him and friend show so little dedication to it that they would rather play FIFA? Businesses take a lot of work and sacrifice and this doesn't sound like they have that mentality.

clam · 15/09/2013 13:25

Hang on.... re-wind. Inlaws coming for lunch?
Lock the bedroom doors! Wink

Ezio · 15/09/2013 13:36

You shoulda hid the controllers.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 15/09/2013 13:41

I'm on Team Outraged. Husband needs to grow a pair. Instead, he's playing FIFA .

Going into business with this flake would be a very bad idea.

StuntGirl · 15/09/2013 13:57

I think the 'business talk' is a pretext for hanging out playing games/drinking in the pub/etc to be honest.

everlong · 15/09/2013 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trigglesx · 15/09/2013 14:45

Yes, he said he could spare an hour. His friend apparently showed up at 7:30am and stayed until 11am. Bit more than an hour - and according to the OP, they spent almost the entire time playing FIFA, not dealing with business stuff, so hardly urgent enough to interrupt a day off for.

Floggingmolly · 15/09/2013 15:11

Maybe your dh was glad of an excuse to opt out of the stress fest that was lunch in your house?
There really should have been no need to clean the house and go shopping for potatoes on Sunday morning?

JoinYourPlayfellows · 15/09/2013 15:30

"Maybe your dh was glad of an excuse to opt out of the stress fest that was lunch in your house?"

Well that would just make him a complete cunt, wouldn't it?

Opting out of the "stress fest" that was lunch for HIS PARENTS.

And sorry, but it doesn't take a mind reader to know that you don't invite yourself over to anyone's house at 7.30 on a Sunday morning without prior agreement.

"An hour before lunch" means, give me a shout after 11am and I'll see if I can fit you in before 1.

It does not mean in any civilised part of the world that you just announce your arrival at 7.30.

zatyaballerina · 15/09/2013 15:32

I would have kicked him out as soon as they started playing fifa, a genuine business meeting at 7.30, ruining your first child free lie in.... I could almost forgive, ruining your lie in for a very loud game of fifa, not acceptable.

I would suggest you draw very firm boundaries with this 'friend' now, people who have no consideration for others as he has shown don't take polite hints. You have to tell him straight out what is and isn't acceptable.

CrapBag · 15/09/2013 15:40

"Just been making small talk with 'friend' (I've not met him before) he said 'had real trouble parking this morning, think everyone on your road was still in bed! I suppose I did get here a bit eearly - but that's me, up the the lark so thought now was as good a time as any! Left 'the wife' on bed hahahahahaha'"

This bloody friend knew exactly what he was doing!!! He knew damn well it was far too early, but sounds like he does as he pleases anyway as he was probably expecting that your DH would not turn around and say "well turn around then, its far too early and I can't do today"

Did they actually plan to talk business? Hours on bloody Fifa first thing on a Sunday morning when they are suppose to be discussing a new business? This man sounds like a bloody pita.

OP, YANBU and I can't believe anyone would think that you are.
I get arsey enough when my neighbour plays his fucking trombone/cello/trumpet at 9.30 on a weekend morning when I am having a lie in. I would not tolerate anyone visiting at 7.30am!!!!

Original poster
Fairy1303 · 15/09/2013 17:47

Clam - this is my olive branch lunch - hence the house cleaning!

FloggingMolly - I have had past issues with in laws. This was first time back in my house. We had run out of potatoes. I was cooking a roast. I hardly think that makes me a crazy slave driver.

OP posts:
clam · 15/09/2013 19:34

How did it go, fairy? Did she manage to get upstairs to your dsd's bedroom for a tidy up?