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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants to try online dating

60 replies

Fieldday · 14/09/2013 22:44

I am sitting here in the lounge room with my DH and his younger brother. BIL is single and showing us what Tinder is and how it works (its an online dating app for those that don't know).

DH has just said he's missed the whole online dating experience and would like to make himself an online profile just to experience it. He said he'd only do it in front of me and delete the app straight away afterwards. I told him I think it's a bad idea because:

a) it's a slippery slope and he might become addicted
b) it's embarrassing for both me and him b/c it's linked through Facebook and someone he/we knows may see it.

By way of background, DH and I have been happily married for 8 years. We have two gorgeous DC. DH's general philosophy on life is the cliche 'if you're not living life on the edge you're not living it.'

So, AIBU or is he?

Thanks for your opinions.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 14/09/2013 22:46

Seems like an odd idea.

Lots of people haven't experienced online dating and tbh it's a bit shit.

Lj8893 · 14/09/2013 22:46

How odd. Why would anyone want to set up a profile for something they are not going to use?

Hawkmoth · 14/09/2013 22:46

Sigh. What larks!

Srsly?

Fairylea · 14/09/2013 22:46

What ?!

Missed the whole online dating experience?!

Tell him he can give it a go when he's single, which he will be quite soon if he carries on like this.

Totally unacceptable to me anyway.

AuntySib · 14/09/2013 22:47

No. Just no. Totally inappropriate. How can he experience online dating unless he dates someone?

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 14/09/2013 22:47

Yanbu, he is. If he wants to live life to the edge, go jump out of a plane. Its disrespectful. As if you want to see women message your husband. He prob doesnt get why its so bad if hes not generally a twat.

Finola1step · 14/09/2013 22:47

Very odd.

spottygoat · 14/09/2013 22:48

Seriously?

I don't actually know what to say. If my DH said that to me I'd leave him.

defineme · 14/09/2013 22:49

He's an immature twat?
Seriously 'living life on the edge' surely involves meaningful stuff?
Finding a new way of living/saving the world/expanding your mind?
Not titting about on online dating.

Alohomora · 14/09/2013 22:52

I think it's a bit deceitful, as well - what if someone who honestly hopes to find love on there starts to chat to him and gets their hopes up?

I don't think it's fair to you and your relationship, nor to the people on the dating site. And if he writes that he's married into his profile he'll just look sleazy...

plantsitter · 14/09/2013 22:53

He's being a cock. What about all the women on there who are genuinely looking for dates?

Apart from the fact that flirting is v addictive and he is MARRIED.

waltermittymissus · 14/09/2013 22:53
Hmm
TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 14/09/2013 22:54

Do you have an open marriage? Or is this his way of "subtly" introducing it?

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2013 22:55

I haven't experienced wiping my arse with the skin of an otter

What's his point exactly?

lottiegarbanzo · 14/09/2013 22:55

He's missed all sorts of potential dating experiences - since he stopped being single!

He cannot have the 'dating experience' without flirting, chatting people up and going on dates. Most of all, without the hope, enjoyment and disappointment that drives and accompanies the whole thing.

What's he going to do? Put up a profile and count the responses? Chat to the point an actual date is offered? That a statistical exercise, or poorly designed, pointless research. It's not an experience, of any sort.

AND it would be utterly dishonest and unfair on anyone who responded to him. There are enough unintentional time wasters out there without adding deliberate ones.

EsTutMirLeid · 14/09/2013 22:57

Living life on the edge is base jumping, sky diving, climbing everest etc... Not setting up a online dating profile when you are a married man with children. He's being a total twat. Tell him he's being a total twat and tell him if you ever discover he has done this then he can 'live life on the edge' somewhere else without his wife and children.

Yakky · 14/09/2013 22:58

No no no no no no no!
And TBH, the people posting on Tinder are NOT looking for love, just a shag.

ThePuffyShirt · 14/09/2013 22:58

He sounds like a complete idiot.

Original poster
Fieldday · 14/09/2013 23:00

Thanks all, completely agree. Can I just say that I love you feisty mumsnet women. Having a proper chuckle at how straight talking, witty and thoughtful you are!

I basically told him that he has had lots of wonderful experiences being a dear, dear DH and dad that his single brother would love to have - we can't all experience everything in life.

Anyway, he seems to have dropped the subject now - helped by you lovely ladies, his older brother (who has just shown up and joined the discussion) and original BIL who have both added their voices to the opinion that he's being a twat!

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 14/09/2013 23:00

You could always offer him the never-before-experienced 'living life on the edge' divorce......

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 14/09/2013 23:04

Arf at the otter skin.

OP - wtf? He is MARRIED. To YOU. I can't believe you even need to ask but just to clarify:

HE. IS. BEING. VERY. FUCKING. UNREASONABLE.

Unless you wouldn't mind having an open marriage? That works for some people. Then you could "experience online dating too" and probably be a damn sight more successful than he is at it.

mummymeister · 14/09/2013 23:06

hmm so when he comes to you and says he has never slept with a prostitute, never slept with a man, never intimidated the shit out of someone, never stolen lots of money etc would you let him/encourage him to experience any of these things because he never has? sounds to me like someone who wants sex elsewhere. he clearly isn't as happily married as you are or as you think he is. next he will be suggesting threesomes and swinging and if that is your bag then go for it but somehow I think it isn't. you need to sort this out with him and say those two words all men hate to hear. Grow. Up.

MeantToStopAtTwo · 14/09/2013 23:09

'Tell him he can give it a go when he's single, which will be quite soon if he carries on like this.'

Yes, this! Well said FairyLea.

It will be against the rules of any reputable site anyway and is not very fair to the girls on there for it to be full of fakes.

HalooJones · 14/09/2013 23:09

The fact that he's telling you about it is at least something. Plenty of men would go on online dating sites without telling their wives.

fabergeegg · 14/09/2013 23:14

You're being very unreasonable for not knowing this is unreasonable without having to ask! This doesn't sound like a man who will stay married forever.

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