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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH wants to try online dating

60 replies

Fieldday · 14/09/2013 22:44

I am sitting here in the lounge room with my DH and his younger brother. BIL is single and showing us what Tinder is and how it works (its an online dating app for those that don't know).

DH has just said he's missed the whole online dating experience and would like to make himself an online profile just to experience it. He said he'd only do it in front of me and delete the app straight away afterwards. I told him I think it's a bad idea because:

a) it's a slippery slope and he might become addicted
b) it's embarrassing for both me and him b/c it's linked through Facebook and someone he/we knows may see it.

By way of background, DH and I have been happily married for 8 years. We have two gorgeous DC. DH's general philosophy on life is the cliche 'if you're not living life on the edge you're not living it.'

So, AIBU or is he?

Thanks for your opinions.

OP posts:

NatashaBee · 14/09/2013 23:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whoknowswhocares · 14/09/2013 23:48

I can't believe you actually sat and discussed it, with you coming up with thought through reasons why it was a bad idea.
I'd just have told him to F off and experience dating for real if that was how he felt

ShirazSavedMySanity · 14/09/2013 23:56

Just read this message to my DH.

His reply; that guy is up to no good.

And I couldn't agree more

QuintessentialShadows · 15/09/2013 00:03

I have never really experienced online dating. I can honestly not say that I feel I am missing anything!

'if you're not living life on the edge you're not living it.'
Online dating for a married man is a terrible interpretation of this!
Why can he not go for the three peaks challenge, cycle across Britain, or join a mouse Moose hunting party in the arctic or go rescue polar bears, if he wants a "life on the edge"??

What sort of "edgy stuff" does he do then?

DH wanted a life on the edge when we lived in the far north of Norway, and he joined the Red Cross Mountain rescue team.

YouTheCat · 15/09/2013 00:22

That's a good point. Online dating really isn't edgy at all. It's generally seedy. Well the blokes who's profiles I looked at a few years ago were definitely seedy.

Unexpected · 15/09/2013 00:25

Exactly how would setting up a profile help him to "experience" online dating? Surely, any "experience" would involve at least sending emails (presumably having paid a registration fee?), complimenting women he emails, chatting on the phone possibly, and then having an actual date?! How does that fit in with married father of 2?!

expatinscotland · 15/09/2013 00:32

What a twat. Tell them you'll give him life on the edge, not knowing if he'll wake up with balls or not.

GrandstandingBlueTit · 15/09/2013 00:43

I'm cringing for you a bit here, OP. :-/

TalkativeJim · 15/09/2013 00:49

Tell him what would really make it COOL and EDGY and TOTALLY WINDSWEPT would be to smear a dairlylea cheese triangle all over his face and use that as his profile picture! Because, like, he just doesn't care! He's so completely on the EDGE that it would actually look totally with it and AMAZING. All your friends would GASP with AMAZEMENT and say things like, 'Wow! Have you heard what Mr.FieldDay has done NOW? He is just so COOL isn't he! Does he ever step away from the EDGE - I don't think so! If only WE could do the sex with such an EDGY PERSON.'

OP he sounds tragic, truly tragic. I am picturing you married to Rick from the Young Ones. Writing out an online dating profile is 'living on the edge'? What next, ripping holes in his jeans? Hahahahaha

SoleSource · 15/09/2013 01:47

Disrespectful pig, is he trying to tell you your marriage is over? I'd be quite hurt and embarrassed he said this in front of another.

Hmmmmm

GrandstandingBlueTit · 15/09/2013 01:51

Jim

kali110 · 15/09/2013 02:35

Worral-lol
Er, no op, just no.
Iv only ever been in fulltime relationships. Iv never had the experience of dating few men at a time, shaging random blokes or even internet dating!however if i did this i dont think my dp would be too happy...

kali110 · 15/09/2013 02:36

I think i would be bit suspicious too and look out for his profile on dating websites after this convo

DeckSwabber · 15/09/2013 07:35

Its an incredibly selfish thing to do.

Its making fun of women who are looking for a real relationship.

Its not respectful of you.

LessMissAbs · 15/09/2013 07:37

How disrespectful to you.

MrsLouisTheroux · 15/09/2013 07:49

define: He's an immature twat? Seriously 'living life on the edge' surely involves meaningful stuff? Finding a new way of living/saving the world/expanding your mind?Not titting about on online dating.

That's just the best answer!

chrome100 · 15/09/2013 08:04

When I was in my last relationship (which ended btw) I had a burning desire to have an online dating profile, not necessarily to date but to just see what sort of responses I'd get (an ego boost I guess?) I never did it because it would have been hugely wrong and disrespectful to my partner but the urge was there nonetheless.

I think that your DH is motivated by the same desire to have his ego boosted and to have something exciting - this is precisely the same motivation that causes people to have affairs. He should NEVER have even put forward the suggestions, it's so wrong on many levels.

Incidentally, once the relationship was over I did start online dating and found it hugely tedious and a waste of time. Go figure.

MissBetseyTrotwood · 15/09/2013 08:19

I'm all for new experiences but this is plain wrong.

Apart from the lack of respect doing it would show for your relationship, and all the other reasons not to listed upthread, what about the poor hopefuls he might reel in by posting a time wasting profile of himself? How shitty for them...

My best friend is starting to date using t'int and I'd be pissed off on her behalf if she invested hope in what turned out to be a bit of an ego boost/experiment by your DH.

If he fancies a bit of life lived 'on the edge' can't he do something useful instead? I'm sure there are any number of charities that do work with people actually 'at the edge' that'd appreciate the help a fit man with energy and intelligence could bring them.

BalloonSlayer · 15/09/2013 08:21

I'd take it as a bit of a heads up that he:

thinks he is entitled to more "fun"

thinks this "fun" can be gained at the expense of women looking for a partner

thinks that humiliating his wife by putting a profile on a dating site where anyone can see it is of no consequence

doesn't see anything wrong with any of the above, so is staggeringly insensitive/unempathetic

What's that Mumsnet line - "When a man tells you who he is - listen."

Nancy66 · 15/09/2013 08:23

Tinder is pretty much an app for people seeking no strings casual sex.

comedycentral · 15/09/2013 08:25

Sounds like he's after an ego boost of some sort.

It's not on. I would be at the suggestion.

China4Jazz · 15/09/2013 08:36

Not sure whose worse actually; you for even putting your post up or your husband for wanting to "live life on the edge"!
Why don't you both do it; then you can hopefully meet each other..

teacherandguideleader · 15/09/2013 08:41

I remember the day I found an ex's online profile, I'd had my suspicions so did a google search on the name he'd used when I had met him. The line 'we need to be discreet as I have a girlfriend' still hurts years later.

Now your DH has suggested it, can you be sure he won't just do it anyway?

McNewPants2013 · 15/09/2013 08:41

I feel sorry for the women who he talking to, who are probably desperatly looking for a relationship

He is a Troll and I have no time for people who goes trolling.

If he want to live life to the edge, sat behind a screen taking to women is not living life to the edge.

wibblyjelly · 15/09/2013 08:47

I've just read this out to dh who said 'that's how it starts...'

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