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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family holiday room allocations

74 replies

Allymint · 14/09/2013 15:35

DH and I are planning to visit my dad at the same time as my brother and his boyfriend at Dad's new holiday home. We have a toddler and I will be 4 months pregnant when we go. B and bf don't have kids. There is a spare room with double bed and en-suite and also an airbed in the living room (which has another loo). Since my brother planned his visit first, he has called dibs on the bedroom leaving us to sleep on the airbed and we will have to put dd to bed in their room and then move her and the travel cot to the living room when us adults go to sleep. I would say there's a 50/50 chance she will wake up when we move her in which case it'll probably take us 30mins-an hour to resettle her. They don't seem willing to even discuss us having the bedroom. I am feeling pretty annoyed but have no idea if I am being reasonable. What do you think?

OP posts:

Finola1step · 14/09/2013 15:39

Sounds like it might be best if you go at a different time to your brother. Is there really enough room for all of you to be comfortable?

Souredstones · 14/09/2013 15:39

I'd say your brother is a selfish twat tbh

Worriedkat · 14/09/2013 15:40

Book a premier inn room, they're doing £25 offers at the moment.

Not a chance I'd stay over with arrangements that uncomfortable.

Don't blame your brother too much, he won't have a clue about pregnancy, children and the challenges staying out of the home presents.

AnythingNotEverything · 14/09/2013 15:40

I had to read this twice - iss one one suggesting a pregnant woman sleeps on an air bed?! WTF?!

elcranko · 14/09/2013 15:42

I'm surprised that your brother wouldn't just offer you the room in the first place. Have you asked him if he would mind if you had in instead? If you have and he's refused then he does sound selfish tbh. As a pp said, can you rearrange your trip so you're there at a different time to your brother?

judybloomers · 14/09/2013 15:45

Can't your DD stay where she is and just sleep in with her uncles? They did arrange their trip first so it does seem a bit unfair for you to turf them out, but moving your DD sounds like a pain.

Hulababy · 14/09/2013 15:47

I am surprised they are happy to let a pregnant woman sleep on an airbed!
Have you asked if they are willing to swap?
If not - can you visit at another time? Or book into a nearby b&b?

Walkacrossthesand · 14/09/2013 15:47

It's the 'moving sleeping child in travel cot' that would be the deal-breaker for me TBH (4 months preg isn't that big a deal, you'll hardly be showing), but sleeping on an air bed in someone's living room is something you only do if you don't mind, pregnant or not. Sounds like staggered visits or a premier inn are your only options.

HarryTheHungryHippo · 14/09/2013 15:47

Why are you going at the same time as your brother when there clearly isn't enough room for you all? As you say they arranged to go first so I'd rearrange if I were you or have it so you only cross over on a few days

Original poster

Allymint · 14/09/2013 15:48

Ahhh, thanks for all the fast responses! I feel much better now (thought I might be being a hormonal bitch for being annoyed!) I went for a drink with him to talk about it (amongst other things) and he just told me that they would be having that room, end of discussion. I said we'd book a hotel as we already booked train tickets and Dad said he doesn't want us to do that but won't get involved in choosing rooms. Just wish I hadn't booked tickets now. Stupidly got non-refundable ones as that saved us £100. I just assumed we'd get the bedroom - silly me!

OP posts:

Maggietess · 14/09/2013 15:49

Whilst I think your brother should be doing the decent thing and offering the bedroom you do say he had arranged to go visit your dad's holiday home first. Perhaps he feels annoyed hat he's going to have to spend his holiday on a sofa bed with zero privacy because you've now come along? Is he put out that you could have gone another time?

Or it could be that he's irritated that because he's probably not going to have kids he'll forever be the one on the sofa bed and isn't happy? I've a guy friend who finds it hard that his db and ds always get the "best" arrangements as they have kids and he's supposed to make do as he doesn't.

Tbh since you arranged to go after he had said he was going I think it's a bit much to be insulted he won't give up his privacy.

However, the current arrangement does sound a nightmare for you. I'd go another time. Or next time there's a family get together make sure you talk rooms beforehand.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 14/09/2013 15:49

I'd be arranging to go another time. Doesn't sound very brotherly of your brother. :(

ScottishInSwitzerland · 14/09/2013 15:49

Can you change your dates - do you have to go at the same time as your bro?

I think it's not completely unreasonable for them to want the bedroom. But not on for you to have to move the travel cot with your sleeping DD in. I wouldn't do that. Is there not another room you could put the travel cot in?

phantomnamechanger · 14/09/2013 15:50

regardless of you being pg, anyone with any manners would offer you the en suite room for your family, so that you can get DD ready for bed and settled and sit in with her while the adults are still in the main living room. It is unreasonable to expect you to move her once she is asleep.

Then again, if they "booked" first, you can always go at another time instead?

ScottishInSwitzerland · 14/09/2013 15:52

cross posts.
If you have the money and feel strongly enough about it all why not just book into a hotel.

It's fair enough your dad saying he doesn't want you to go into a hotel but bottom line is there isn't enough room really for you all, unless somebody is willing to sleep on the sofa bed/air bed - and it sounds like nobody is willing to do it.

Would you be cheaper to change your tickets though and go at another time, rather than booking a hotel and sticking to these dates?

FannyMcNally · 14/09/2013 15:52

Goodness, op will only be 4 months pregnant! What's so outrageous about an air bed? Agree not brilliant arrangement overall so I'd go a different time or book a cheap hotel

Original poster

Allymint · 14/09/2013 15:53

We're going at the same time as we have been saying for ages we should all have a holiday together and I figured this might be the last chance for a while with another baby on the way (and various other health issues etc.) I have actually just asked him if we could leave dd in their room as like a couple of people have said, that is the thing that is really bothering me. I think that could make it all work out. Will be interesting to see what he says...

OP posts:

ScottishInSwitzerland · 14/09/2013 15:54

I would actually be pleased to be on the air bed in the lounge I think if it meant not having to share with my DD
let us know what he says.

heidihole · 14/09/2013 15:56

Hang on. Your brother booked first. You can't book after he has and then turf him out of the bedroom. If he wanted to sleep on an air bed he would have arranged an air bed. He didn't he wants a real bed. If you wanted a real bed you shouldn't have booked for when someone else was already going to be there.

wigglesrock · 14/09/2013 15:59

I don't think you should have assumed you'd get the bedroom. He booked first - maybe he and his partner wanted to spend some time with your Dad. Maybe this is turning into the type of holiday he hadn't planned on. Your holiday plans shouldn't take precedent over his. You obviously would appreciate the bed more but that's why you should have checked it was free before you made arrangements.

Original poster

Allymint · 14/09/2013 16:00

FannyMcNally - I agree, I'm not too bothered about the airbed although that was a big reason for b not being happy with living room. Glad to see general consensus is that it isn't unreasonable to expect the bedroom but as others have said, he has his reasons for not wanting to move, so I will probably keep my frustration to myself (can't deal with arguments!). I will definitely have more discussion before making any bookings in future! And if he isn't happy with dd in his room I will cancel or book a hotel/b&b. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:

RaspberryRuffle · 14/09/2013 16:03

Agree with Fanny McNally - an airbed or sofa can be very comfy.
YABU as they booked first. It's not as if you'll have an enormous bump to waddle around with. Can you not keep the travel cot in the lounge and just put your toddler to sleep in the bed and then carry her out to travel cot when the adults are going to bed (friends visiting us did this).

Perhaps your DB and his partner want a bit of sex privacy on holiday as many couples would and want the bedroom.

I would go, have the airbed and then say that the next hols it's your turn for the bedroom as you'll have 2 DCs by then.

Onebuddhaisnotenough · 14/09/2013 16:05

Yabu.. You've invited yourself along on an assumption that you shouldn't have made. Your brother is absolutely right in his approach.

expatinscotland · 14/09/2013 16:08

Get a hotel! Your dad will just have to deal.

ivykaty44 · 14/09/2013 16:11

I slept on a mattress on the floor until I was about 4 months pg, it was hard going and uncomfortable.

i would arrange a bed and breakfast or go at another time.

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