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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family holiday room allocations

74 replies

Allymint · 14/09/2013 15:35

DH and I are planning to visit my dad at the same time as my brother and his boyfriend at Dad's new holiday home. We have a toddler and I will be 4 months pregnant when we go. B and bf don't have kids. There is a spare room with double bed and en-suite and also an airbed in the living room (which has another loo). Since my brother planned his visit first, he has called dibs on the bedroom leaving us to sleep on the airbed and we will have to put dd to bed in their room and then move her and the travel cot to the living room when us adults go to sleep. I would say there's a 50/50 chance she will wake up when we move her in which case it'll probably take us 30mins-an hour to resettle her. They don't seem willing to even discuss us having the bedroom. I am feeling pretty annoyed but have no idea if I am being reasonable. What do you think?

OP posts:

3birthdaybunnies · 14/09/2013 18:52

kali110 · 14/09/2013 18:52

Some tickets hou cant cancel so if you do decide to not go or go at different time you may have to accept you will lose the money.
It would have been nice if bro gave up the room however he doesn't have to. He did book first. He arranged and sorted sleeping arrangements and then you decided to go aswel. Dont think bro should have to offer any money. Don't actually see problem with moving the little one, as what happens when they fall asleep in places ie living room or car and you ending having to carry them to bed anyway.its not like it would be happening every night, just while they are visiting.would be unfair to say to people you cant use that room as the little one is sleeping when it isn't even their house.
Plus i find airbeds really comfy!
Get a hotel room op you'll have more room. Plus if you get tired you can always go back to hotel!

kali110 · 14/09/2013 18:53

Expatin yes i meant to mention room service, oh how i love room service

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/09/2013 19:02

"It's the dad's house. The choice of sleeping arrangements is his. What it means for everyone is the child goes to sleep in the bedroom, then is moved to the living room."

Actually, that's not something you can demand of a guest in your house - that they have to get up in the middle of the night and move elsewhere.

It's entirely reasonable of the OP to reject that aspect of the arrangement.

Remember, it is the Dad that is stropping about the OP going to a hotel.

He can't have it all ways.

expatinscotland · 14/09/2013 19:09

'Actually, that's not something you can demand of a guest in your house - that they have to get up in the middle of the night and move elsewhere.'

The middle of the night? They will be moving the sleeping child at the time everyone goes to bed, I doubt it will be at 3AM.

No, he can't have it all ways, that's way the OP gets a hotel and the dad has to deal.

But the brother booked in first.

whatever5 · 14/09/2013 19:21

I would just book a hotel. Your Dad can't possibly expect you stay in his holiday home under the circumstances.

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor · 14/09/2013 19:34

Nothing wrong with a hotel, your Dad must see that there is clearly not adequate space for that many guests at one time in his house!

Your brother and his partner had already planned their holiday before you decided to go, and are not wrong at all to want the bedroom.

northernlurker · 14/09/2013 19:42

OP - get a hotel or don't go. You cannot invite yourself to somebody's house when they already have guests coming and expect to displace them.

thegreylady · 14/09/2013 19:49

Surely you don't "book in" to a parent's home! If one of my adult sons expected his pregnant sister to sleep on an airbed he would get short shrift and he would be the one going to a hotel. It is so inconsiderate of the brother and the father needs to be more assertive with his son.

OnlyOwl · 14/09/2013 19:56

I don't think YABU, OP, but I am with your brother on this - he is an adult, in an adult relationship and booked to go first. It is unreasonable that he should be expected to sleep with his bf in a communal area on an airbed (not very comfy or romantic) when he booked the holiday on the understanding that he would be in a bedroom. I wouldn't want to sleep on the floor in my IL's house!

In this situation, I absolutely wouldn't move for my sister, husband and toddler as it would spoil my holiday and it isn't my fault they booked after me, knowing the situation. It's a shame as no-one's really done anything wrong (except just assuming he wouldn't mind), but I would stay in a hotel, live with the living room or find another date :)

lunar1 · 14/09/2013 19:57

If i planned a holiday id be pretty upset if someone then came along and said we are coming too, and taking the room. I really think you should have talked about it first.

Viking1 · 14/09/2013 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 14/09/2013 20:04

'Surely you don't "book in" to a parent's home! If one of my adult sons expected his pregnant sister to sleep on an airbed he would get short shrift and he would be the one going to a hotel. It is so inconsiderate of the brother and the father needs to be more assertive with his son.'

You do when there's limited space.

If my adult daughter behaved as this OP she'd be getting short shrift from me. I'd tell her to come another time because there isn't space for everyone or get a hotel.

FloraDance · 14/09/2013 20:12

The hotel option isn't ideal if you get on well generally as I assume you will want to socialise in the evening? Has your dad rejected the travel cot in his room idea? I usually need the living room for DDs to watch TV until everyone else wakes up.

PosyNarker · 14/09/2013 21:00

Hrm, I can kind of see where your DB is coming from. As someone who doesn't yet have kids (might never) I do get annoyed with people who assume I will be the one who changes my plans.

How long are you both staying? For an overnight, I'd probably agree to a switch (and he is being a bit precious), but if a week then it's a bit much to ask of him.

Your DB might also have laid out for transport and it may even be his OH who's saying he wouldn't have agreed to it if he'd known it was an airbed in the lounge. I never agree to 'crash out on the floor' travel unless camping and would be quite pissed off if I was asked to do so unless something unforseen happened that necessitated it.

In your situation I would probably book a Travelodge (and we have done so). Even if your DB acquiesces, will it be much fun if you're tripping over each other and he / his OH are walking around with sour faces for the duration of the trip.

kay1975 · 14/09/2013 21:15

Not sure if its been mentioned, but cdnt your dad sleep on the air bed and you all have his bedroom? When we stayed at my mil's she slept on the sofa while me, dp and boys had her room? She was so happy that we were staying, she would have slept in the garden!!

MsVestibule · 14/09/2013 21:23

When you say we have been saying for ages we should all have a holiday together, was that in relation to this particular holiday, or just a general 'that's a nice idea' type way? If it was the former, presumably sleeping arrangements must have been mentioned, or did you just think you'd get the bedroom?

Or did your brother book, then you thought 'good time for us to have that holiday we've been talking about for ages' and book tickets yourself?

expatinscotland · 14/09/2013 21:25

The other issue is that whoever is in the living room will surely be woken early by the toddler.

Wuldric · 14/09/2013 21:31

Just forget about having children for a nanosecond and imagine you are trying to work out something in the absence of children. Your children are yours and not your DB's and you should not be using them to give you a free pass to anything you want. Having children does not entitle you to anything automatically.

And you say Since my brother planned his visit first, he has called dibs on the bedroom. So first come, first served.

CSIJanner · 14/09/2013 21:36

I booked train tickets for family this week of the non-refundable toe. I was informed you can change them, but it will cost £10 per ticket to change before you travel. So there is another option if your brother refuses to budge and your dad is stropping over hotels.

Turniptwirl · 14/09/2013 21:38

Can you pay a fee to change the dates on the train tickets? I think going at a separate time would be best for all concerned, and visit your b and bf another time

It's a tough situation. I think it would've been nice for b to offer the bedroom to OP but he's not under obligation to do so, esp as his partner is going too.

DontmindifIdo · 14/09/2013 21:39

I do think your dad is being unfair, not wanting you to go to a hotel, but not getting involved in the room allocation, not giving up his room and so basically saying you have to argue with your brother or put up with the airbed in the living room. Someone has to be upset, so either it's a) you having to sleep on the floor, b) your brother being evicted from the guest bedroom to sleep on the floor or c) it's your Dad, still getting to see you all at the same time, but you staying at a hotel nearby.

If it's C) it's not even like your Dad is having to sleep on the floor, he just has to accept his house isn't big enough to have you all there at the same time. Unfortunately, I don't think you should be putting yourself in a situation that's possibly going ot be uncomfortable and make you feel rough when pregnant just so your dad gets to have his fantasy of you all back under the same roof.

The house isn't big enough for both you, your DB and your respective families, it's not a snub at your dad, it's just a simple fact your family has expanded and now what was a perfectly suitable house isn't big enough anymore for you all to visit at the same time. It's shit, but as we'll read over the various "where is everyone going to sleep?" and "AIBU to not want to sleep on an airbed with all the family" threads in the run up to Christmas, few previous family homes are big enough to accomodate families of grown up DCs and their spouces and DCs.

MidniteScribbler · 14/09/2013 22:06

I think your dad ibu to buy a holiday house which doesn't accommodate everyone then to expect you all to vacation together. I wouldn't buy a place that couldn't fit everyone in comfortably.

JackNoneReacher · 14/09/2013 22:11

Are you sure your brother wants to be there at the same time as you?

If its

a. you agreed it would be great to go together and then he quickly booked tickets and called dibs on the bedroom first - then he's a selfish twat.

but if its

b. You who said it would be great to go at the same time knowing he'd had tickets booked for ages, his heart sank when he heard you and your toddler would be trashing their holiday, and he declined to give up his bedroom - then he's well within his rights.

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