Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family holiday room allocations

74 replies

Allymint · 14/09/2013 15:35

DH and I are planning to visit my dad at the same time as my brother and his boyfriend at Dad's new holiday home. We have a toddler and I will be 4 months pregnant when we go. B and bf don't have kids. There is a spare room with double bed and en-suite and also an airbed in the living room (which has another loo). Since my brother planned his visit first, he has called dibs on the bedroom leaving us to sleep on the airbed and we will have to put dd to bed in their room and then move her and the travel cot to the living room when us adults go to sleep. I would say there's a 50/50 chance she will wake up when we move her in which case it'll probably take us 30mins-an hour to resettle her. They don't seem willing to even discuss us having the bedroom. I am feeling pretty annoyed but have no idea if I am being reasonable. What do you think?

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 14/09/2013 16:16

Can your daughter not go in with your dad if she can't go in with your brother ?

Blu · 14/09/2013 16:20

I think it all depends how it came about.

If your b arranged dates with your Dad, fixed up the trip ec and then you said "oh, great, we'll come at the same time!" then YABU.

If however you all sat down and worked out a mutual date then he is being thoughtless.

Personally I would think that an airbed after 20 weeks would be hard, but at 4m not so much. I don't think pg and children always trump anyone else's fair access to the most comfortable accommodation!

Can your DD go in with your Dad?

Which would be cheaper - a hotel or new train tickets?

Once you have 2 kids you will probably get the en-suite for ever more.... so don't be too hard on your db for now.

Ragwort · 14/09/2013 16:21

Go to a hotel, it will be much more comfortable than all of you squeezing into the house, and next time (if there is a next time) don't go at the same time as your brother. Tough luck if your father is offended (perhaps he could have thought about giving up his room?)

I do think your brother is being thoughtless for not offering you the spare bedroom, particularly as you are pregnant and have a young child.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 14/09/2013 16:32

Tricky. I think you have the better claim to the bedroom, but I can see how it would be annoying to never get the bedroom because you are 'only' a couple with no kids. Your bro's clearly not shifting. I like ragwort's idea about your dad giving up his room Wink - suggest that? Or suggest that since your bro is getting free accommodation, he chips in for your hotel room?

poopnscoop · 14/09/2013 16:33

I don't think it's fair expecting to give up the bed when he booked first. I also don't think it's fair to expect him to be ok with his niece/nephew in the bedroom - where is his privacy? Why should he have to sleep through a poo nappy smell?

Booking a hotel would be the best move I think, as you can't get ticket refunds.

expatinscotland · 14/09/2013 17:12

'Or suggest that since your bro is getting free accommodation, he chips in for your hotel room?'

Why should he? From what the OP said, he booked in to see the dad first.

GiGiGi · 14/09/2013 17:28

I would be happy on the airbed, but maybe the travel cot could go in your dad's room? As raspberryruffle suggests next time it will definately be your turn to have the bedroom and you will be more grateful for it when you have two small children!

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/09/2013 17:31

Get a hotel! Your dad will just have to deal.

This!

Lonecatwithkitten · 14/09/2013 17:36

I find it all bizarre. Your Dad is the host surely as guests you and your brother sleep in the rooms your dad allocates to you. Whenever I visit my Mum and Dad I sleep in the room they tell me to.

ravenAK · 14/09/2013 17:38

Id be booking a hotel with no further consultation with any of them, & if anyone muttered I'd tell them that dd would be likely to wake when moved & that would bugger up everyone's chance of a good night's sleep!

More comfortable anyway. ..even if db & his chap took the living room you'd all be falling over each other all week.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/09/2013 17:41

The thing that would piss me off most about the current arrangements is that the way they want the toddler moved off to a bedroom for the evening and then MOVED out to the living room so they can go to bed.

That they would actually risk disturbing a little girl from her sleep so that they can have the living room available to them in the evening and then have their bedroom back when they decide to head to bed is really shitty of them.

I think I might agree to using the living room as our family bedroom, but would refuse to move the child and say that once she went to bed the living room was out of bounds to other people.

ie you can make us use the sitting room as our bedroom, but you can't then also use it as the sitting room once one of us is asleep.

YoniMitchell · 14/09/2013 17:42

I think it's completely reasonable for your brother and his bf to have the room, they got in there first. I also don't think they should have to have your daughter in there with them, don't they deserve some privacy?

Get a hotel room, I'm sure if it meant that much to your dad or you all to stay in his house then he'd offer up his room to either you or your brother.

Humuhumunukunukuapuaa · 14/09/2013 17:44

On the other hand it's likely your DC will be up first in the morning. What will you do if db and bf are asleep in the living room?

ventilatormum · 14/09/2013 17:46

I don't think you will lose the whole lot on the train ticket side of this - I believe you can cancel and forgo just a % of what you paid?
How about you go to a hotel and leave toddler with uncle ? Grin

DontmindifIdo · 14/09/2013 17:49

oh book a hotel or speak to the train company, see if you can move the date of your train tickets for a fee (it'll probably be less than the cost of a B&B).

Blu · 14/09/2013 17:54

JoinYourPLayfellows...but they are in someone else's house! Can they really tell everyone else how to behave?

I feel for the Dad. It sounds as if he agreed to the db and bf staying, then OP joined in...and he has a potential row bubbling up.

expatinscotland · 14/09/2013 18:01

I feel for the dad, too, and don't see why he should give up his room in his own house, either.

Hulababy · 14/09/2013 18:12

I had horrid morning (day) sickness when pregnant, so no way I could have managed on an air bed. It'd be like seasickness alongside the morning sickness. I also had sciatic pains.

I just think it is common manners to offer a pregnant woman a half decent bed - bed, sofa bed, etc. over an airbed.

I'd look into a b&b Allymint.

Inertia · 14/09/2013 18:21

I think if it were just you and your brother in a rented house then it would be reasonable to clear everyone out of the living room once DD was asleep- as it's your dad's house, that's not so easy. Unless your dad's house has a separate kitchen or dining room where the adults could go once DD was in bed?

It's not reasonable for you to stay in the living room and have to shuffle DD in and out of the bedroom.

Hotel seems the simplest option.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/09/2013 18:29

"but they are in someone else's house! Can they really tell everyone else how to behave?"

I think they can say that they are happy to take the sitting room as their family bedroom and point out the drawbacks of giving them that room as their bedroom, yes.

That's what I'd do. Either the Dad would stop giving out about the hotel option or the brother would cave. :o

I don't think you can offer your guests a room and then demand that they put their baby to sleep elsewhere and move them when it suits you.

If they are giving the family with a toddler the living room to sleep in, then they will need to be understanding of what that choice will mean for everyone.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/09/2013 18:30

Hotels are also a pita with a toddler though. One room so everyone has to go to bed at 7. Not great.

3birthdaybunnies · 14/09/2013 18:30

Hotel for you and dh so you can get some uninterrupted sleep, db, partner and df get to entertain your dd each night and morning until after your room service breakfast, simple solution!!!!

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 14/09/2013 18:36

What time does dd wake up? Are they worried they won't get a lie in if they're in the living room?

expatinscotland · 14/09/2013 18:39

'I don't think you can offer your guests a room and then demand that they put their baby to sleep elsewhere and move them when it suits you.'

He didn't. The brother and his partner booked in first, with the assumption they would not be on an airbed in the living room. The moving the toddler round as a compromise offered by the dad after the OP decided to book in at the same time.

'If they are giving the family with a toddler the living room to sleep in, then they will need to be understanding of what that choice will mean for everyone.'

It's the dad's house. The choice of sleeping arrangements is his. What it means for everyone is the child goes to sleep in the bedroom, then is moved to the living room.

If the OP does not like that, she can book a hotel or come another time.

expatinscotland · 14/09/2013 18:40

'db, partner and df get to entertain your dd each night and morning until after your room service breakfast, simple solution!!!!'

So they drop the kid off and then go back to the hotel for a breakfast?

Get real!

Having a toddler does not entitle you to pre-empt everyone else or that everyone else has to dance round you for convenience.