A moan

[coppered]

Just wanted a moan and ask if other DH are like this?
We've got a little 6 month old. Which I stay at home and look after and DH goes out to work. Which he works hard, but he thinks I sit a round all day doing nothing. But little man seems to take up my who day.
What my DH moans about is when he comes home I should Have cooked the tea. Which I don't really get chance very often with little man.
But DH has never had to change a nappy, give little one a bath. He sleeps in a different room so not woken up at night. Which I don't moan at all to him. All though i think it wrong him not sleeping in the bed. So why is he a wanker and moans to me thinking he does everything. Forgot to add when DH has cooked tea he has a little play with little man then falls asleep in chair. He also moans about how hard he works!

JerseyMum

^If you are a stay at home mum then yes you should be cooking the dinner.

Its not hard to cook dinner when your PFB is asleep.

I don't think he is being a wanker. He's tired, coming home from work and you've basically done nothing.^

Really??? You've never been a SAHM have you? Read my post above. When do I have time to cook dinner? My PFB barely sleeps during the day. 45 mins in the morning when I clear away breakfast, put a washing load on, have a shower and have my breakfast. Then 30 mins at lunch where I clear away the lunch things, have my lunch and hang out the washing.

He's coming home tired from work but she's been at work all day too, looking after their child! Basically done nothing again, read my post above. That is a full days work in my book. My sister actually says she goes to work for a break as her £60k a year job in sales is easier that looking after her 2 DCs! Keeping a child safe and happy is a full time job which is pretty exhausting and you can't choose your own breaks like you can in a job. Oh I'm a bit flagging I'll go and make a cup of tea. Not if your child is teething and melts down everytime you leave the room! You just go thirsty!

I'm more likely to cook after a work day too.
Surely a Sahm is there to take care of kids not a grown man!
A meal is a nice thing to do but not part of her role.
Dh- works at job
Dw-works at home.
Both responsible for their empty stomachs!

I had a baby who never slept and one that did....when the one who didn't sleep was up and I wanted to cook, I just popped her in her basket in the kitchen with the radio on and chatted to her while I cooked. Yes she yelled a bit at times but she's 9 and fine....so it didn't harm her.

A SAHM is there to look after the kids....but it's not hard to peel some vegetables and make a basic meal either! Takes about 15 minutes if you keep it simple.

I am home with my 6 month old DD, and I'm sorry but I don't particularly find it hard to cook dinner. I pop her in her highchair, give her some boiled-soft carrots or sweet potato to play with/munch on, and get on with it.

That saying, every baby is different and every household is different.

My DP would never expect me to have it done, and on particularly taxing days he's come home to no dinner and been absolutely fine with that.

I've got no expectations on how his workday has turned out so he has none on how I've managed the household.

However, we have a mutual respect for each other, which is what your DP could do with a massive dose of!

I know I need a break sometimes and I enjoy cooking so handing baby over to him for an hour so I can make some freezable stuff is quite therapeutic for me. If you don't like to cook, OP, your DP needs to understand this and find ways to work around it.

It's nice to have an equal partnership, not feeling like you're expected to do anything.

^this^. Baked Potatoes with different fillings every night; cheese, chilli, tuna mayo. It does get better once they sit in a high chair and can play with their toys on the tray while you crack on with other bits and bobs, at 6m that shouldn't be too far off

That's right....I forgot OPs baby is 6 months...that's not a screamy newborn...and they can watch tv for 20 mins too! That's fine while you cook.

I think you should be able to cook dinner... I also think he should be pulling his weight with nappies and think that your child should maybe be in its own room by now so you can get back to sleeping together. Just my opinion though.

I second batch cooking. We still do it now we're both working ft. Life saver - 10 mins to heat up and only 1 or 2 pans to wash up :-)

I should of said I do tea some nights but not every night. Pianododdle that's a gd idea about the slow cooker .

Well that's a turnaround OP....shouldn't you have said "Dh wants tea cooked every night and sometimes I can't be arsed" you made it look like you never cooked.

We all can't be bothered sometimes...that's what takeaways are for.

My DS is 5 months and is now at the entertain me stage. He now gets bored very easily and won't sit still for two minutes. Unfortunately, he's still too little that he can't sit and play by himself. It's exhausting. Unfortunately, he's not a great sleeper through the day, and will only have a decent nap on my lap, and will wake up as soon as I attempt to put him in his cot.

I do try to get tea on the go for DH coming home from work, mainly so we're not eating really late when DS is starting to get tired and grumpy. However, I've yet to cook a full meal without DS needing to be picked up - even with him sat in his his bouncer or walker in the kitchen with me.

No way does DH expect tea on the table, and is pleasantly surprised if I manage to present something shortly after he walks through the door. Saying that, I do tend to cook more than needed so I can freeze the rest and have a microwave leftovers tea every now and then,

He does however, make up for his time away from DS when he gets in by completely taking over (with exception of the BF) to give me a break until bedtime.
He's just finished a week off work and continually made comment about how much hard work DS was I think he's looking forward to getting back to work for a bit of a break!

Your DH really needs to step up a gear and help you out when he's home. Your 'job' at the moment is looking after your DS and you deserve some me time too!

I'm currently off after baby 3 and although it's tricky, planning ahead means that I do tend to have a dinner made for us all to sit down to when my dh gets home unless he's home late in which he case I have read kids fed. Trying to combine this with a toddler group, ds's naps, school drop off and two pick ups, as well as actually trying to tackle the housework is tricky but doable, most days. It generally involves making dinner while he's sleeping at around 230 so one pots all round!

And there are some days where ds is having some spectacular melt down and I go for an easy dinner for the kids instead (soup & rolls etc).

BUT I was never ever able to achieve this when I had dd1 only. She was my pfb, I was exhausted cus she never, ever bloody slept and I was finding it overwhelming just surviving a day at home never mind cooking. I used to pray that dh would get out early to come rescue me!

Anyhow, what we did was he came home and minded dd1, did bathing, bedtime etc whilst I shut myself in the kitchen and made us our dinner. This is when I discovered I loved cooking and it became my little sanctuary for an hour each day.

Whilst it is entirely possible to have dinner made, I'm not sure mentally it's possible all the time when it's your first baby and they don't sleep well. Especially if oh isn't helping in the evenings. Don't beat yourself up about it!

Whilst I think he's being a bit of an idiot by sleeping in separate beds, not helping with bedtime routine etc... I do wonder how you're so occupied with a 6 month old. Not saying it's not hard cos it bloody well is. I have a 2 month old and a 2 and a half year old and whilst partners at work I do all washing up from night before, washing, hoovering etc...take them out for some fresh air and then get kids lunches, dinners organised. I make the most of the nap times.

However, I will add, that these are done sporadically throughout the day as they can be done whenever. Whereas dinner is at a set time and I suppose you're relying on baby either sleeping, being occupied etc....which isn't always going to happen.

Childcare is shared when partners home and he helps with night feeds etc...

I've worked some long, hard jobs and they're nothing compared to being a sahm and I think partner realises this. Get a list from partner of what he expects done throughout the day, including dinner sorted etc..and then leave him with baby unexpectedly one weekend and then come back asking why all that he demanded hasn't been done.

Oh and a baby carrier are life savers, can get stuff done during the day whilst comforting baby :)

OP cooking dinner is fine.

Is the expectation that she will which is not, especially if he's a lazy fuck who does nothing in the house and nothing with the baby.

I also think a lot of you have forgotten what having a 6mo is like. DS would get really screamy by late afternoon and just wouldn't be put down... If DP had walked in and demanded dinner I would not have been impressed!

As it was,he would walk in,take DS from me and occupyhim while I had 10 mins to myself to scream into a pillow because that's what a normal,supportive and helpful partner does

Well that's a turnaround OP....shouldn't you have said "Dh wants tea cooked every night and sometimes I can't be arsed" you made it look like you never cooked

It's not a turnaround at all. The OP's first post doesn't say she never cooked. It says she doesn't always get the chance... not the same as "can't be arsed" either so I do see why she should have said that if it isn't true!

YABU ~ astonishing that as a stay at home mum with 1 DC, you can't organise an evening meal ~ what do you do all day?!?

Agree with a previous comment ~ what would you do if you had other DC and a school run etc to factor into your day?

I have a 6 month old, 3 DC at primary school and 1DC at nursery and can easily organise an evening meal for all DC and DH ~ it's not rocket science. How hard can tea be?

My little man isn't the best at having a a nap in the day and some days by afternoon he gets grumpy. he won't let me put him down at all because he starts screaming.

Bully for you Akray! Some people struggle more than others and some babies are more demanding than others.
Did you mean to be so patronising?

Op. don't worry about it. If dh can't be arsed to occasionally help with his child then why should you cook his flaming dinner!
Ridiculous

What happens on the weekend?

YANBU OP. Some of us don't leave our babies to cry or watch TV at 6 months old. Guidelines is no TV for the first three years. I don't follow that but I did at 6 months.

If DH told me he expected me to cook his dinner because I'm a SAHM or moaned at me for not having it ready when he got home, I'd tell him to fuck off. Sometimes I cook dinner, sometimes he does. Just depends who has the time and inclination.

OP, it doesn't sound like you have much balance when it comes to division of labour at home. Can you sit down with your DH and split the domestic tasks so you both feel you're doing a fair share and nobody feels hard done by? He absolutely needs to pitch in with baby care, if not to ease the pressure on you, then at least for a bit of bonding time!

Coppered that would be ridiculously hard to cope with and you have every right to moan...he should not be expecting anything from you! He should come in and make YOU dinner.

On a Saturday DH goes out and does a few jobs with work. But on a Sunday he does very little, he says it's his day of rest and deserves a break!

Ask him what day is your day of rest?

When do you have a day, nay, an hour of rest? As I said in my 1st post, if I were you, I'd take the day off, without asking or preparing anything. Just go. For an afternoon as they're normally more stressful. See how well your partner copes and if you have a dinner ready to come home to.
He needs to realise exactly how difficult it is looking after needy children all day. Yes he's at work, but he gets regular breaks, drinks, lunch, toilet trips etc. All of which are built into the day. And he more than likely isn't harassed when doing any of the above.

As an aside, if you're struggling to find time to prepare meals for yourself, make a packed lunch the night before or buy in cheap, quick snack meals so you can just grab something during the day.
Get a slow cooker, as has already been mentioned, and make big meals such as chilli, curry, stew etc quickly with relatively little prep. Then you have enough for all 3 of you for 2 days.