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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to consider having some 'fun' with with an ex that I am very much in love with?

24 replies

SlobAtHome · 12/09/2013 20:29

Been in touch with ex today. We have been together a couple of times and never ended for horrible reasons. We have never had a serious or long term thing but I haven't been able to help having a lot of feelings for him. It's never faded.

He wants to have some fun.

I've agreed but I'm not sure if this was a very bad idea.

AIBU?

OP posts:

SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 12/09/2013 20:30

Bad idea as its just fun and you will always be wanting more. You might get hurt

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous · 12/09/2013 20:30

Very very bad idea. You cant have no strings fun with someone you are already strung to

MrsWembley · 12/09/2013 20:31

Any baggage, apart from each other?

daphnesglasses · 12/09/2013 20:33

seems like you're the one likely to get hurt here?

LEMisdisappointed · 12/09/2013 20:34

A very bad idea because you are in love with him, if you wasn't it would be ok, but it wont be fun, you'll get hurt.

Original poster

SlobAtHome · 12/09/2013 20:34

I have a child if that's what you mean by baggage? And we both have commitment issues/fears.

OP posts:

Original poster

SlobAtHome · 12/09/2013 20:35

I should add that I ended it last time suddenly saying I didn't want a relationship (I did, and have no idea what the hell I did that for!!). That wasn't that long ago. It was this year.

OP posts:

catgirl1976 · 12/09/2013 20:38

Bad idea

If you weren't in love with him you could have some no strings attached fun

But you are in love with him - so you can only (and will only) get hurt.

Sorry :(

Iheartcrunchiebars · 12/09/2013 20:38

This can only end badly. He's being upfront saying he only wants fun.

You secretly will be wanting more and hoping he will suddenly fall in love with you too.

Run away!

Idespair · 12/09/2013 20:41

As long as neither of you is with anybody, it's fine. I would however be up front with him about how you feel because he ought to be in possession of the facts.

Original poster

SlobAtHome · 12/09/2013 20:44

How would I do that Idespair? What would I say?

It seems ridiculous to use the word 'love' when we've never been together for long. It is totally irrational on my part and yet I can't help it!

OP posts:

AllDirections · 12/09/2013 21:02

What's the worst that can happen? If you can live with that if it does happen then go for it.

What will you regret more? Going for it or not going for it? You only live once and life is short. Do what you want to do and good luck!

Original poster

SlobAtHome · 12/09/2013 21:04

That's the thing All. I regretted ended things so much, it completely tore me up! Whereas heartache, whilst horrible, you do get over eventually. In a way I would love a reason to hate him so it all going tits up would be great!

OP posts:

Idespair · 12/09/2013 21:28

You would say what you said in your op. perhaps omitting the L word!!

BelleJolie · 12/09/2013 22:08

Do you know what his feelings / thoughts are?

MrsWembley · 12/09/2013 22:38

If you know you could end up being heartbroken, but that it would only be your heart, then, well, you don't know what's going to happen unless you do it, eh - so do it, but be prepared.

FreudiansSlipper · 12/09/2013 22:47

Bad idea

you can not just have fun with someone you are in love with and that is what he is saying he wants, i suspect he knows how you feel and is taking advantage

Lilacroses · 12/09/2013 23:06

Oh no....I don't think I would if I were you. Not unless you were able to be open about your feelings with him. I think someone wanting just fun and someone else being in love is bound to go wrong.

Original poster

SlobAtHome · 12/09/2013 23:12

I have sent a message to him saying I can't and why (omitting the L word!) I know I would end up hurt and at least this way I am telling him that if he wants more then I would be happy but as he doesn't then I am not prepared to do it.

OP posts:

scrazy · 12/09/2013 23:23

Well done Slob, it's better in the long run and if he is a decent guy he will keep a distance or commit.

elcranko · 12/09/2013 23:49

I'm seriously hoping that he's going to say he feels the same way.

If not then well done anyway for putting yourself out there, and be glad that you will have saved yourself much heartache in the long run.

fabergeegg · 13/09/2013 00:04

ouch. so 13.

SamHamwidge · 13/09/2013 00:16

Sorry but I have a feeling you might end up doing it anyway despite your message...these things happen....

If you ended it last time why? Did you sense you were falling for him more than he was you and didn't want to get hurt?

Are you sure of his feelings now? Maybe it would be best just to tell him how you feel and see what happens. Good luck, I know it's hard!

daisychain01 · 13/09/2013 05:14

Sounds like the relationship is just a series of silly games. I cannot honestly see how it can end happily. Why not just find someone you really care about rather than wasting each other's time. Life is too short.

Flip