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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So, I offered a fellow mum ...

136 replies

MoistJoist · 12/09/2013 07:58

... a brand new (school-branded) uniform set for her DC as she had been unable to order any in time for the start of the school term. I gave it to her last week and she promised to pop the money for it round the following day. She didn't, and I did not hear from her until I received a text yesterday saying she had ordered more uniform for her DC as, after she washed and dried the new set I gave her, they came up a little tight, and that she will return the set to me tomorrow (presumably after her DC has worn it for the whole week ...)

I'm not sure how she's washed and dried it as I have washed the same uniform set (part of the same batch I ordered, and cleaned according to the instructions on the label(s)), tried it on my DS (who is a smidgeon bigger than her DC) and it came up just fine i.e. it is his size. There is every possibility that it may not see him through the entire school year if he goes through a growth spurt, but it is his size.

I'm not really sure how to respond to her text. I'm not close to the mum, but our DC have been cared for together for years and are good friends (and will be in the same class at school, which they are hugely excited about), and I have always liked and respected her, albeit from a distance. I don't think it is worth falling out over this (especially as I am not desperate for the money), but AIBU to consider her text a little bit cheeky, given that it was a brand new set and she'd promised to pay me for it? And WWYD?

OP posts:
sparkle12mar08 · 12/09/2013 09:31

I think she's going to stall and stall you, I really do. She has no intention of giving you the money and if you refuse to take the uniform back she still wont, and she'll have a free set to sell to someone else. But then I'm cynical. You've been had I'm afraid.

ZenGardener · 12/09/2013 09:50

Ok, I understand now. We have more than one set of uniform but I don't have a brand new set sitting in a drawer that I could sell to someone, if that makes sense. At the start of term I already had everything washed and labelled, ready to go.

I agree with the others, text back and say "That's a shame, I have already bought and labelled a new set for DS but I will give you the receipt for yours when you drop the money off and you can try returning it to the shop :)"

Worth a try? There's not a lot she can say.

Iamfrankieheck · 12/09/2013 10:13

She is being very cheeky!

I would reply saying:

Sorry, but I have already ordered a new set so don't need yet another one (esp if u have shrunk it because if it doesn't fit your child it def wont fit mine) I can wait till the end of the month if you're stuck but will need the money back xx

I think that is MORE than reasonable...

SavoyCabbage · 12/09/2013 10:18

You definitely need to tell her that you have bought another set and you don't need it back. Don't let her make you feel bad. You have done nothing wrong. You were helping her and now she's taking advantage of you.

AaDB · 12/09/2013 10:23

She is very cheeky. I would text back that as she had worn and washed it, you would rather she paid you for it as originally agreed. I'd also mention that you have already ordered replacements and don't need her set as well.

TeamJesse · 12/09/2013 10:25

"Hi, oh gosh, did we get our wires crossed? Hope you don't mind if we stick to our arrangement - I ordered another set to replace the one I gave you, so really don't need that one back (especially if it's shrunk!); perhaps you can sell it or pass it on to someone who needs it?"

ModernToss · 12/09/2013 10:35

She is being outrageously cheeky.

I really don't know how people's minds work sometimes.

MintyChops · 12/09/2013 10:48

So so cheeky of her and awkward for you. Something along the lines of what Agatha suggested would be good, it reminds her that you have paid for it and have a receipt, ie that it's brand new. Perhaps it will shame her into offering to pay you. I would be very annoyed with her but don't think I would want to fall out/ have a big showdown.....

IEatDates · 12/09/2013 10:52

I would text back 'But Ive already ordered and recieved the replacement uniform.'

She clearly thinks the uniform she (hasnt) bought from you is too small, wont last long enough and bought the next size up.

Tough tits.

Balaboosta · 12/09/2013 10:53

I don't think it's shrunk. I think for some reason she's making that an excuse. Maybe she's realised she doesn't really need it, she's got hold of another one and now doesn't want to pay for this one. I find it difficult to gauge the quantity of stuff were going to need and it's easy to end up with too much.
I would challenge her on this and only suck it up if you get nowhere. She bought it from you. If she's changed her mind you need a better explanation. Just say "I don't understand, you said you needed it". Or just say its too late you've ordered replacements. (Have you?)

Floggingmolly · 12/09/2013 10:57

Tell her she owes you the money, the cheeky cow Shock
She'd have known as soon as she put it on her child that it didn't fit, in which case she should have given it back immediately. Why did she wash it at all? Confused
If she's shrunk it in the wash, she's got an even bigger nerve trying to pass it back.

WilsonFrickett · 12/09/2013 10:57

OMG, I never cease to be amazed at people's cheek! She bought uniform off you - on the basis she'd drop the money off the next day. She's now ruined it in the wash so she wants you to take the hit! It just wouldn't occur to me to do this...

IEatDates · 12/09/2013 10:59

I must admit though, it sounds as though she's broke...

Oceansurf · 12/09/2013 11:00

Ohh I would definitely make her keep it and pay for it!

You giving her a brand new set is basically her buying it off you (even though she hasn't actually given you the money yet)

If she's washed it and wrecked it, that's her problem, not yours!

Say you're confused and no, you gave it to her, you're just waiting for the money for it please. If needs be, tell a little white lie and say another set has already turned up for your son to replace the set you gave her.

Can't believe the cheek of some people!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 12/09/2013 11:02

I've read this thread and I have a question:

If the friend had bought a generic uniform and it had been worn, why would the one that MoistJoist given her need to be washed?

I'm thinking that the uniform that MoistJoist gave has been worn already and since it was washed (quite possibly at a higher temperature than the fabrics can handle) it has shrunk and wouldn't fit anyone.

If it were me, I'd be requesting that the friend contact the supplier and tell them that they have to get the uniform replaced as it is no longer fit for purpose after one wash and that it shouldn't shrink etc. and see what they do.

MoistJoist if you still hav the receipt for the most recent purchase, couldn't you contact the supplier yourself saying that this batch appears to be 'faulty' and you'd like your money back??

Let us know how you get on.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 12/09/2013 11:10

You are right with "talk about no good deed goes unpunished"!

Personally I'm pretty comfortably off and pathetic confrontation wise so I'd take the hit and see it as money well spent to never let her take advantage of me again.

Phrase to practice....

"oh dear - what are you going to do?" for when she comes to you over the next 7 years with inevitable childcare / uniform / money / lunch box crises.

SPBisResisting · 12/09/2013 11:10

Lurking on another sense of entitlement thread!

cfc · 12/09/2013 11:15

Hang on, this is easy - just text her back and say "oh dear - I've already bought and received the one I ordered to replace the set I sold to you" and leave her to fill in the blanks.

She probably doesn't realise how cheeky she's being. There's been a few instances where I've had dealings with friends like these or indeed, where I've been that friend!!

fluffyraggies · 12/09/2013 11:19

I bet it hasn't shrunk also.

I recon she's found a cheaper alternative and decided she doesn't want your set, OP.

But if shrinkage is the excuse she's going with then we have to go with it too.

''Oh, sorry, no, i don't want the set back as i've replaced it already, and i need the money to cover that.''

Keep it simple.
I wouldn't get into the in's and out's of receipts and refunds from the supplier. Keep that ball in her court.

CocacolaMum · 12/09/2013 11:22

I would tell her she owes you the dosh, you have since bought an extra set for your child because she bought that set from you - why should you be out of pocket?

Justshabbynochic · 12/09/2013 11:24

I'm also wondering if she's having money problems and maybe got given a free used uniform from school or elsewhere.

fluffyraggies · 12/09/2013 11:27

May i be extremely nosey and ask how much you are out of pocket OP?

Not that it changes a thing. Just that some branded uniforms can be stupidly expensive (nearly £100 for the blazer at one of the schools where i used to live) and i'll get even angrier for you if it's one of these.

MrsFruitcake · 12/09/2013 11:33

She's being a cheeky bitch, not a single doubt about it.

It is worth falling out about - she owes you money, end of. Ask her for it back.

Although, in all probability, I'd be seething if i was in your situation OP, but DH would calm me down and tell me to drop it and let her win, which is what usually happens, because he says life is too short. Hmm

Distrustinggirlnow · 12/09/2013 11:56

YY what fluffy says. I don't think it's shrunk at all I think she's found a cheaper alternative. Maybe she can't afford the 'branded' uniform so has brought the generic uniform for BHS or wherever...

Maybe she is embarrassed to tell you the real reason so has made up the shrunk story as a way of not having to pay you.

Like fluffy says, keep it simple, you need paying for the uniform as you have ordered and paid for a replacement.

Alternatively, suck it up but be careful in the future. You sound lovely and I'm sorry she's messing you around. I bet if she came to you and said, sorry OP but I can't afford to pay you for the uniform this week can I give it to you a week on Friday, you would of happily agreed.

Here's a Thanks from me Smile as I've helped people out before too.....

Snoopingforsoup · 12/09/2013 12:06

I would actually just say politely, 'oh sorry, I'm a bit confused, I understood you were buying this off me because you were stuck. You told me you'd be dropping in the money?'.

Don't let her walk all over you over this. She is being very cheeky indeed. You have done her a favour and she's taking the piss.

You may not get your money, but you should gently point out the original agreement.

It is hard to do, but she needs a bit of a jolt! If someone had done this to your friend, what would you tell her to do? Whatever that advice is, follow it up yourself.