To get pissed off with folk who say they can't afford to get married?

[MmmmWhiteWine]

I have a friend who has been with her fiancé for ~10 years. They have 2 children together and seem v happy together. But she is always going on about how she wishes they could get married but they just can't afford it. However her idea of a wedding seems to be a massive, formal do, stag and hen abroad etc, etc.....just a massive expense really.

AIBU (and really old fashioned) to think that weddings don't need to cost a king's ransom and that they shouldn't be using finances as the excuse why they "can't" get married?

[PartyOrganisor]

I do question the point of spending 22k on a wedding though. X
Don any things you could do with that sort of money. I could finish repaying myrrh age with that to start with!!

[Whatevertheweather]

YANBU to not want to listen if she is continually moaning. YABU to be 'pissed off' as it is up to then how and when they want to get married.

Dp and I have been together 10yrs. We are not engaged though have talked about getting married at some point. But each time we've started seriously thinking about it another life event has got in the way.

We have 3 dd's. We have wills, life insurance policies assigned to each other and joint mortgage and bank accounts. How would our dd's be better protected if we were married? Genuine question not being snippy as if there is something we have missed I'd like to know.

[Writerwannabe83]

Anyone who spends £22'000 on a Wedding is insane!!!

Ours cost £12'000 and that was our maximum budget! We found lots of ways to cut costs including eBay and me getting my dress from an Outlet Store. We also managed to get a £4'000 discount on the Venue as we took a cancellation date. I didn't have real flowers and utilised my friends to do hair and make-up. My bridesmaid dresses were ordered in cheaply from abroad and we went with the cheapest Wedding Package in terms of how many guests we could have, which was only 60. There are always ways of cutting costs.

I'm sorry to hear of your situation Jemima Your situation is completely different as you fully intended to get married quickly but the decision was taken out your hands. I really hope you manage to save and get the Wedding you want x

[DownstairsMixUp]

I think get engaged when you want, it's no one's business if you're engaged 20 years of 2 years or 2 months. I've been engaged since early last year and won't be married till 2015 and like I said, it's not overly dear just been waiting for the right time money wise.

[JemimaPuddle]

Thanks Writer so do I :)

[sparechange]

Writer Where do you draw the line on what is and isn't acceptable to spend on a wedding?! You spent a fortune by a lot of peoples' standards, so can't really judge anyone who spends a bit more or less than you
It is all relative to what you can afford.
These threads all get a bit competitive-frugality, from experience

[Sparklingbrook]

That's true spare. I do think it's what you can afford. I don't really understand having a loan for a wedding.

£12,000 for one day seems a lot to me. I just think what that could pay for. A new car etc....

[monkeybuts]

..We can afford the wedding we want. We can't afford the wedding everyone else wants. ..


so.. now we are stuck.

[Sparklingbrook]

That seems v straightforward to me monkey.

[Writerwannabe83]

spare and sparkling - you are both right, I guess we all look at other people's expenditure and compare it to what we could afford. I suppose because I couldn't afford to spend £22'000 on a wedding I think anyone who does it mad, were as in reality they are probably in a financial situation which enables them to spend that much.

I went to a very posh and beautiful wedding a few months ago that neither the bride or groom had to pay for as their parents did. I was talking to the groom's parents who said they'd contributed £17'000 and so had the brides parents. I was like . But, if people have that amount of money to spend then to them it probably doesn't seem wasted at all.

Ps) I would never treat myself to a new car because I'm an horrendous driver. I wrote my first car off after 6 months and have bashed my current car 3 times in just over 18 months....including reversing into a very large tree when leaving the posh wedding

[Florabeebaby]

My wedding cost £200...it was very small but nice.

[Sparklingbrook]

Writer yes, don't buy a new car.

[monkeybuts]

writer :D

[Writerwannabe83]

My car insurance is £138 a month, haha - that should indicate just how bad a driver I am I even drove straight into a road sign once when I was trying to park, my spatial awareness isn't very good you see

[flowery]

"..We can afford the wedding we want. We can't afford the wedding everyone else wants. ..

so.. now we are stuck."

Not really. When everyone else gets married they can have the wedding they want. When you get married you have the wedding you want. Easy.

[angelos02]

I always think it is bonkers when people spend more than a few grand on a wedding unless they are loaded (eg, 20K wouldn't make a dent in their (or their parent's savings).

A wedding lasts around 12 hours. £20k could make a huge a difference to a house deposit.

DH & I had a smallish wedding as we wanted to leave our house deposit savings (around 50k) as untouched as possible.

[Myliferocks]

We've been engaged for 18 years. Every time we spoke about getting married I became pregnant so we never got round to it.
I would quite happily like a small wedding with just me,DP, our 5 DC and 2 witnesses.
DP would like to invite parents as well.
It might be possible to get married on the cheap but if you haven't got any money then you haven't got any money.
Every time we've had a little bit of money it's either gone on essentials for our DC or for our house.

[BabyDubsEverywhere]

Our wedding was fabulous, we got married in the week at the local registry office, just friends and our/their children invited, then we went to local cheapy restaurant where everyone bought their own meals, then dumped the children with grandparents and all hit the town - absolutely great day had by all, cost £150.00 all in including clothes, and the cost of a normal meal/night out for our friends - the kind of thing we all do regularly together anyway. We are the happiest couple we know.

{wont mention the 10k affair that the first wedding was lasting only 4 weeks - he was a total knob jockey though!}

[Dramamama]

Yanbu, we have 2 children and were engaged for 2yrs during which we saved like mad and budgeted and had a beautiful church wedding with an English high tea reception (scones, sandwiches etc...) and a Buffett later on it was simple and inexpensive (I made bunting and borrowed lots of birdcages etc.. From a friend who's house is packed with stuff like that) it can be done on a budget! That said if dh said on a wet Wednesday 'come on let's just nip down the registry office' I would have done it in a heartbeat! There's just so much organising ugh!

[Snoopingforsoup]

FredFredGeorge sums it up really.

Everyone expects a big do in our circle - their weddings tend to rival Tatler Society do's and then if you organise a small do, people get arsey they're not invited. And you need to choose a couple of witnesses which causes offence to those not chosen and makes the 'chosen ones' uncomfortable in the social circle. It's a right old conundrum.

It's a genuine complaint. It's the reason I'm not married whether you believe me or not.

It's got to the point where I only want to actually Marry for the legal rights, such is the drama from those around us every time a wedding is mentioned.

YABU.

[MadameLeBean]

Yy snooping. And people who invite you to their wedding.. Then you feel you have to invite them to yours

[EllesAngel]

So to those who are saying have a Registry Office do and have the party afterwards what happens if you want to say your vows in front of family and friends? What happens if the total number of family and friends is more than the max number allowed in the Registry Office? What do you do with your guests afterwards because most people who are invited to a wedding tend to expect a meal or something after the event, not months down the line.

[HmmAnOxfordComma]

Drama - ours was a wet Wednesday nip down to the registry office (48 hours notice required) and nobody else there. Quite literally raining and on a Wednesday

[BabyDubsEverywhere]

Mine was a wet Thursday :) and it was lovely :)

[Sparklingbrook]

Tell them when the Registry Office wedding is and ask them along if they want to come, but explain that the mahoosive bash will be at a later date Elles.

They might not want to come.