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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this man at the cinema was plain nasty?

806 replies

WombatCat · 09/09/2013 23:57

Dh and I watched a film at the cinema on Saturday night.

There was a young man a few rows back from us with very vocal Tourette's. Obviously it was distracting to most people around him, but once the film started I didn't find it an issue. However, one man decided to tell him to shut up and "isn't there a special showing you could go to?"

Quite a few people appeared to be in agreement with him. I now wish I said something.

OP posts:

CuChullain · 10/09/2013 11:37

@KatoPotato

As a previous poster has said, with all the slurping, chomping and stink (nachos? seriously?) of some people nose-bagging their way through films, the cinema is hardly a quiet place, but is your life really so badly affected by not having a silent experience of watching fucking Wolverine.

Christ, what cinema do you go to? Generally I find that all the noise, chatter and chomping are during the adverts and trailers and then things settle down once the BBFC certificate comes up. From there on there is expected silence, sure now and again you get some twat on a phone or someone chatting to their neighbour and I have no issues leaning over telling said people to shut the fuck up. Not everyone goes to the cinema to go and see 'fucking Wolverine' or some other Jerry Brokheimer crash bang CGI explosion fest, people also like to see quieter more subtle films, where silence is required to get the full naunce and emotion of the film.

Its a tough situation, the chap with touretts is certaintainly not making noises on purpose but I think it is unreasonable to imply that anyone who finds said noises irriating or distracting are somehow utter selfish heartless bastards is going too far as well. As many have pointed out, cinemas are not that cheap these days and not everyone has the opportunity to just return another time if they found their film had been 'spoiled'.

KatoPotato · 10/09/2013 11:37

'Why do you go to the pictures Kato? Is it for an immersive, larger than life experience that you couldn't achieve in your own home?'

Now that's just cringey! I go because my DM is usually happy to babysit for this occasion, and I like popcorn.

Pagwatch · 10/09/2013 11:43

The irony of these threads on a site with the 'this is my child' campaign is always disappointing Ginslinger .
But the problem with the campaign is the people who need to read it are the ones who won't.

Thepowerof3 · 10/09/2013 11:46

I think the cinema is too loud and expensive for my liking

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/09/2013 11:47

Yes..the counter campaign "This is not my child, or me, so fuck em, as long as I am OK" is in full swing

Now i really must go out and stop reading this thread!

Writerwannabe83 · 10/09/2013 11:49

Of course he should be allowed to go to the cinema - but other people are 'allowed' to feel annoyed that they can't enjoy the film if the tics are disruptive.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/09/2013 11:50

yes they are "allowed " to feel annoyed.

But not to insist he can't go, or complain and ask for him to be removed.

HTH

drags self off kicking and screaming

Thepowerof3 · 10/09/2013 11:53

I feel sorry for someone who has to try desperately to suppress tics, I have no experience of it but imagine it to be very difficult. The more we force people out to 'special' screenings the less inclusive we become, I thought we were trying to get better as a society not worse.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 10/09/2013 11:55

If I went to see a film where the only thing i noticed was other people I'd ask for a refund. Cos the film would obviously be shite.

But then I'm used to watching tv with dp talking crap at the computer so kind of immune I guess.

Writerwannabe83 · 10/09/2013 12:00

Fanjo - I haven't seen any one say he shouldn't have been there or that he should have been removed? Or if they have, I missed it. And if someone has said that I would be

Fleta · 10/09/2013 12:01

I sing in shows.

Last year a lady contacted me - she wanted to come and see it but she had some issues with regards to involuntary movement and noises. She said she was really nervous about affecting other people's enjoyment.

So - I worked with her - I sold her a ticket and blocked off a small number of seats around her, so if she did have a twitch she didn't need to worry about hitting people. I put her - with her consent - in the side block where the acoustics aren't as audible - she was worried about noises affecting other's enjoyment.

She came - she had a superb time - and not one other person complained/left because of her.

Special screenings my eye.

Fontofnowt · 10/09/2013 12:10

Fleta did you cordon off the area and employ a bell ringer?

Writerwannabe83 · 10/09/2013 12:14

Isn't that just an adapted version of a 'Special Screening'

By doing all that it was great in that it enabled her to feel like she wasn't affecting anybody else (which is what she wanted) but she was still being singled out as 'different' wasn't she? She was still having different treatment because of her disability?

AllThatGlistens · 10/09/2013 12:19

I'm fucking furious and so saddened reading this.

My son, aged 9, has Tourette's, amongst his other disabilities.

My beautiful, highly intelligent little boy has verbal and motor tics.

He also has compassion, emotional intelligence and morals that clearly far outweigh some of the cunts on here.

Should I tell him he can't go to the cinema incase he disrupts others? Fuck that. Autism screenings are great, but they're designed FOR them, not to keep them away from apparently normal people.

Ignorant twats and their disablist comments make me fucking rage.

Where are you Mumsnet HQ? Time to put your campaign into action on the boards I think.

Fontofnowt · 10/09/2013 12:19

It may have been nice to say....
I'm sure people won't want you castigated and isolated because of something you can't help.
I'm sure you have a friend accompanying you because you have experience of public places so I can recommend an aisle seat for you in X area where it is less busy and X performance because it tends to be less busy.

Or not.

5madthings · 10/09/2013 12:19

Jesus some vile attitudes on Herr.

The man should not have shouted.

The person with tourettes has every right to go to the cinema!! If it disturbs you then leave, but maybe stop and think for a minute that you CAN leave, the person with a disability doesn't have that choice, they can't escape from their disability, they have to live life with it. So maybe its no big deal if you are a bit distracted at the cinema because chances are it will be a one off, unlike for those who live with disability day in, day out. Their lives can be hard enough, so a little big of kindness and understanding can make all the difference.

5madthings · 10/09/2013 12:19

On here....

PartyOrganisor · 10/09/2013 12:20

Writer, if I read well people have very careful not to say that he shouldn't have been there.

But a lot of people felt it was Ok so say they were annoyed, enough to ask for a refund and/or get very grumpy about it.
Which in my view means exactly the same.

That there was someone in the cinema with a disability that stop them enjoying the film and that wasn't an acceptable thing.

Forgetting that going in a public place they WILL encounter people that might 'annoy' them. They WILL encounter people who have some SN. And that they have learn to accept it, live with and even be oK with it.

AllThatGlistens · 10/09/2013 12:20

In fact I'm hiding this, too fucking upset to try to educate the absolute twats that pop up here.

YouTheCat · 10/09/2013 12:21

There is nothing wrong with adapting something for the comfort and convenience of both the person with the disability and other members of the audience.

Special screenings are only done for children with autism as far as I'm aware. They are special because the lights are dimmed rather than off and the sound is lowered. I am yet to come across this service for adults with autism.

I really can't see how that is appropriate for a man with Tourettes.

Maybe if people were generally more tolerant and had some empathy everyone could enjoy the cinema?

PartyOrganisor · 10/09/2013 12:23

AllThat :(:(

Writerwannabe83 · 10/09/2013 12:23

What are the vile attitudes???

Where has anyone said the guy had no right to go to the cinema???

People have said they would find the disruption annoying, but that is miles apart from say he has no right being there? And if anyone has said such a thing then surely they must be in the extreme minority of the 150 replies or so??

Quenelle · 10/09/2013 12:25

Several people have posted that the man should have considered the disturbance he would make to others, so presumably they think he shouldn't have gone.

YY absolutely Amberleaf - man with vocal tics disturbing you = he can't control it so has no choice, this is where you should offer acceptance of that fact and put yourself out a bit

Fleta · 10/09/2013 12:25

Font/Writer - none of what I did was my idea. I told her it wasn't necessary. I fit in with HER requirements to ensure she still felt able to come.

As far as I was concerned none of what I did was necessary. But if by doing so I made her feel happy surely that's the point.

I'm not sure how I've done the wrong thing there. Maybe I should have just told her there was nothing I could do and she wouldn't have come

AllThatGlistens · 10/09/2013 12:28

Well lets see writer, what about the suggestions that there should be special screenings for adults?

So people have said they wouldn't want him there, and suggested he'd be better segregated.

That clear enough?

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