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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

To think this man at the cinema was plain nasty?

806 replies

WombatCat · 09/09/2013 23:57

Dh and I watched a film at the cinema on Saturday night.

There was a young man a few rows back from us with very vocal Tourette's. Obviously it was distracting to most people around him, but once the film started I didn't find it an issue. However, one man decided to tell him to shut up and "isn't there a special showing you could go to?"

Quite a few people appeared to be in agreement with him. I now wish I said something.

OP posts:

Dawndonnaagain · 10/09/2013 10:04

The attitudes on this thread made me leave this place once before.
Most cinemas have more than one screen showing the same film. If you don't like it, go to another one. How do you think the person with tourettes feels.
I usually talk about my dd on threads, because she is a wheelchair user, but I have, as those who know me well, are aware, three children with disabilities. I have spent the last three months putting things into place for my son at uni. He has AS. He has a few vocal tics and some full body tics. He is very clever (going to do Lit) but only if given the opportunity. We have had to organise an escort because he may hit someone by accident, or make an involuntary noise at the wrong moment. His big brother has had to stop people from hitting him back in pubs, he won't go to clubs with his peer group. He is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, I say this to demonstrate that he has done all he can in his power to learn some sort of control. It's helped to an extent. He needs voice activated software on his computer because of his tics. He needs to sit away from others in lectures (I dare say they'll complain, too). A two hour visit to a cinema is obviously too much to ask? I experience the cruelty of many people on a daily basis. Many of you here are those people, because you've paid your tuppence so can criticise and mock.

My children will grow up to be tolerant, kind, clever members of society. They will probably all work in academia, but they will be contributing, not just financially. I think that that is more than can be said for many of you on here whose only contribution is: 'I paid for it, so I'm entitled to it', and then off to moan for two days about those people being allowed out, whilst you get on with your perfectly normal, very cruel, judgemental, very small minded lives. Oh, and on top of that, you make your insidious little comments on threads like this, thereby bringing your particular brand of bullying and intolerance into other peoples homes. What delightful little souls you are.

Pagwatch · 10/09/2013 10:06

MrsOakenshield

The man didn't go over and ask the young man anything though did he. He shouted out intending to embaress and humiliate him.

I have had people come over to me in a queue and ask if I can stop DS2 making that noise. My answer tended to be 'if I could stop it, if he could stop it, do you not think I would?'. I have also explained that his noise would reduce if his stress levels drop so if they can wait a while the noise would diminish.

He doesn't make noise anymore but likes to go to the cinema. He struggles with noise around him and people moving around. We tend to be at children's showings and experience a lot of people who let their children get up and down, ask questions loudly and kick chairs etc.
Would I be reasonable to ask all of them to be quiet or do I assume that out in the world we mix with all sorts and that is the choice we make at a public screening? Like finding ourself next to the dozen shouting teenagers or the bloke who shouts loud jokes at the screen. Or the endless bloody popcorn.

PartyOrganisor · 10/09/2013 10:06

wow...
So someone with a disability isn't allowed to go to the cinema now....

wow just wow

and :(:(

KnitFastDieWarm · 10/09/2013 10:07

I can see this one from both sides tbh. On the one hand, he has as much right to go to the cinema as anyone else. On the other hand, I have Asperger's syndrome and I would find the noise utterly, completely unbearable because I'm unable to filter out background noise. Perhaps the bloke who shouted (and don't get me wrong, he should have done so) has sensory processing disorder or something that makes it impossible for him to filter noise?

Because of my sensitivity to noise, I tend to watch films at home. And I think if I had Tourette's, if probably do the same - for my own enjoyment and relaxation as much as anyone else's. My condition doesn't trump anyone else's, and vice versa, as I'm concerned.

Tweasels · 10/09/2013 10:07

I'm generally all for freedom of speech etc but I think that mumsnet should maybe ban people who have these vile opinions.

I know previously MNHQ have said they feel "we" educate these twats well enough so it's a good thing but I'm not so sure.

Anyone who "seethes" because they have to be in the same place as someone with a disability needs to find a forum more suited to their intelligence.

KnitFastDieWarm · 10/09/2013 10:08

Should NOT have shouted, even ;-p

(I'll get my coat...)

mignonette · 10/09/2013 10:12

And when you go along to your new screening w/ your refunded ticket, what will you do when there is another disabled person in the cinema?

Get another refund?

Repeat Ad Infinitum?

MidniteScribbler · 10/09/2013 10:14

I'm someone who finds noise in a cinema extremely distracting. Whispering, chip packets, coughing, etc, all drive me nuts. Which is why I have been to the cinema twice in the last five years. It's my problem if the noise of other people in the vicinity annoy me, so I just stay away. I don't get to demand that the rest of the world adhere to my standards.

PartyOrganisor · 10/09/2013 10:15

Knit as someone with AS you knows that you are sensitive to noise.
As someone with AS, you also have a disability that is/has created issues for you, incl things that you can't stop yourself from doing even though NT people might be able to.

So at the cinema, if someone had physical tics, was grunting and swearing, would think first 'oh this guy probably has Tourette/some sort of SEN' or 'this guy is just an annoying twat.'?

Personally, as an NT (and parent to a child with AS), I would have got up and move seats with dc1 if this was so annoying that dc1 couldn't concentrate anymore.
After all it's also his disability that is causing the problem.

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2013 10:16

Please lets have special screenings for people who want to stuff their faces w/ junk food at a cinema so the rest of us can watch a film without a slobbering ,slurping, crunching, rustling additional soundtrack.

This ^^ absolutely.

What is it with people who can't sit for an hour and a half without food?

As for the OP, I would have asked for my money back and put it down to a bad experience.

It's no big deal.

Fontofnowt · 10/09/2013 10:16

Pagwatch
I have been asked to sit still so many times it is worrying.
Once I was told (I shit you not) that I should strap my arms to my body above the elbow to minimise the movements.
That was said at a school play my DS was in.

I'm lucky that my verbal tics are few and far between but I can assure anyone who thinks the fella telling the lad to shut up may have had a small point the ONLY thing he did was to make the lad feel worse about his condition and more self conscious and far less likely to venture out in normal life again.

BoredNinja · 10/09/2013 10:21

I haven't noticed any posts saying that the man was justified in shouting abuse.

People have said that they personally would find the noise of the man with Tourette's distracting (and being distracted is not a judgment or a criticism, it's just a fact that can't be helped). Some would leave quietly and attend another time, some would stay.

I've obviously missed the posts saying that disabled people shouldn't be allowed out . There seem to be a lot of people reacting to something that hasn't actually been said.

LaurieFairyCake · 10/09/2013 10:23

Yes I would ask for a refund and go another time.

Not because someone had a disability but because I couldn't concentrate on the film - notice that's I couldn't concentrate on the film, it's not about the person with disabilities. Sure, I'd try moving first, I'm a bit deaf so would move closer to the screen.

I provide respite occasionally for the LA (foster carer) and have taken a child with asd to the cinema - an early children's showing which was very noisy anyway.

It is possible not to be a twat and still want to be able to hear a film. And to choose to leave if you can't hear it without causing offence and ask for your money back and going at a different time.

BoredNinja · 10/09/2013 10:25

Oh, and OP, of course the man was nasty and there's no justification for him shouting abuse like that. I do feel for the guy with Tourette's, who presumably faces attitudes like that every day.

Nancy66 · 10/09/2013 10:27

BoredNinja. Was thinking the same thing. Nobody, not one person has said that disabled people should stay indoors.

KnitFastDieWarm · 10/09/2013 10:32

Absolutely! As i mentioned, that's why i dont go to the cinema much. If it really bothered me, i'd get up and move/leave, which is what shouts bloke should have done regardless of if he was NT or not. There's no excuse for being rude and shouting, and I certainly didn't mean to excuse his behaviour towards the guy with Tourette's, just suggest a possible reason (other than inherent twattishness, which let's not forget, has very little to do with whether you're NT or not ;-p)

KnitFastDieWarm · 10/09/2013 10:32

That was to Party btw :)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/09/2013 10:34

Yay another thread with lovely disablist comments

littlemisswise · 10/09/2013 10:34

Tweasels I agree with you.

CuChullain · 10/09/2013 10:35

@BoredNinja

A sensible post in a sea of hysteria!

usualsuspect · 10/09/2013 10:35

Where should people with disabilities go then?

Somewhere where you don't have to see them?

SpecialAgentCuntSnake · 10/09/2013 10:35

Eh, who cares? Wouldn't have bothered me. Once the film was going it's not like you'd even have heard him unless you were trying too. Especially if it was a superhero movie!

I'm far more distracted by phones, they light up so bloody bright they instantly draw your eyes away from the screen!

SparkyTGD · 10/09/2013 10:36

Yes he was nasty.

It is against the law for cinema's (along with other 'public' places) to refuse entry to someone because of their disability. Its just something people have to be tolerant about.

I realise it would disturb viewing but so does people getting up to go to the loo, kids making a noise etc, the cinema isn't exactly a peaceful place

SpecialAgentCuntSnake · 10/09/2013 10:36

Oh and the rare times we get to go to the cinema, I always need a bathroom break. Health related.

Glass houses, etc.

Writerwannabe83 · 10/09/2013 10:37

I'm with you bored and Laurie

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