To think this man at the cinema was plain nasty?

[WombatCat]

Dh and I watched a film at the cinema on Saturday night.

There was a young man a few rows back from us with very vocal Tourette's. Obviously it was distracting to most people around him, but once the film started I didn't find it an issue. However, one man decided to tell him to shut up and "isn't there a special showing you could go to?"

Quite a few people appeared to be in agreement with him. I now wish I said something.

I would have thought if someone had children with them at the cinema it was likely they had gone to see a child's film and so the trip out was more about the child's enjoyment than their own??

I can't imagine a parent would make her children leave from watching a film they were enjoying because the parent felt annoyed about disruptive noises? If the children didn't care about the noise and they could watch the film ok then why should the parent feel the need to leave?

Pag - yes that does make sense.

Look, I don't have a child with autism. I do live a mile away from a school for autistic children though, and the local cinema does several screenings each month that are "autism friendly".

But yes, I do understand the limitations. As best as I can without being a parent of a child with autism.

It's fine Hawk, I'm not expecting you to be an expert

I am just trying to explain why the idea that perhaps the person with SN /LDs should just do something else is not a great option. It is massively unfair if the cinema is one of a very limited number of leisure options.

Ds2 can't bear the ASD friendly screenings. He hates people walking about, hates the lights being up and wants the sound loud.

My son is off to university next week. He will be studying Literature. Is he not allowed to go to the theatre. Would one of you mind writing to the uni please and explaining that he can't go on any of the educational field trips because his full body tics may fuck up your experience. Whilst you're at it, do offer to pay for a private performance, won't you, his dla won't cover it.

Why the comment on the phrase wheelchair bound? My daughter is wheelchair bound, or has the PC world given it yet another name that makes absolutely no difference? Recent letter from docs to school states "wheelchair bound" as well???

PC world sell computers I think.

That just made me laugh out loud Pag

yeah me too =)

Good. It's been a long day

if Beer isn't discriminating by avoiding the cinema because of any noise, why am I discriminating by LEAVING the cinema because of any noise?

Because she isn't making it obvious to the people making the noise that they have disturbed her. She is choosing to stay away because she doesn't enjoy the noise.

Stroker and many of the other posters. Are you all so narrow minded that you can't imaging having tourette's and knowing that your tics embarrass people? This man may be trying desperately to control his tics but they start and people tut at him so they get harder to control. Someone shouts and he gets upset and his day out is ruined. Imagine as well when people leave and he knows it is because of his ticcing?

These people are not stupid they are faced with discriminating behaviour in their everyday live and will notice other peoples reactions, however discreet they may think they are being

FanjoForTheMammaries
YouTheCat
FreudiansSlipper
AllThatGlistens

Thank you for your human kindness last night. You may not see this buried here on this thread, may start another.

People don't have a clue what's its like to be disabled, and it's so hard to educate people because it involves challenging so many assumptions and 'truths'.

It's uncomfortable to understand what other people have to endure, and it's uncomfortable not to be able to blame them, or someone or something else. It's uncomfortable to understand that we aren't in control or protected against disability. So people choose not to learn.

And then cannot admit that uncomfortable truth that they might be part of the problem, so really defend themselves with all the vigour of guilt.

I can't even begin to describe how hard my life is, and how every day is like running a marathon or climbing a mountain, not in a satisfying achievement of a lifetime way, but in a gruelling, endurance draining way. And then you have to do it all over again the next day.That's when death seems a hell of a lot easier than this hell that never lets up. But you can't and you have to carry on in this silent solitary hell, clutching at the tiny slivers of good and hoping somehow they get bigger.

And on top of that constantly come up against people's beliefs about what disabled people should do/ be like/ want and deserve. And have to weigh up how much you have to give in and let other people control and constrain your life, or dent your self esteem, or try and address it and get blank incomprehension, or aggression and hatred come back your way.

I can't go to a cinema btw, I did try and go to a fashion show once and someone trod on my ankle and swore at me, then someone else pushed me down the stairs cos I was going too slowly for them. They wouldn't even remember the incidents, I was too embarrassed and hurt and ashamed to take them to task about it. But I remember and it made its mark on me, physically and mentally. I'm sure people here will say I shouldn't have been out though. My fault.

It's not even like that incident was a major thing in my life, just part of the continual reminders that you don't belong in the world any longer.

Still I battle and I refuse to become the lowest of what I can be, become what society wants me to be. So dont get me wrong, compared to many, I am bloody 'successful' for a cripple anyway. But it doesn't stop the hurt, and the fear, and the loneliness.

What you wonderful mums of children with a disability do ... You are amazing. You are helping your children grow up equipped to deal with the world (as much as possible). Your children will know they are not alone, because you are there, and never underestimate that. Obviously I'm grown up now, have been for a long time, but my parents were too embarrassed by my sisters disability to ever fight for her, to help her through life, to ever admit how ill she was. When I got ill too as an adult, they'd rather ignore me than admit the double tragedy in their lives. I believe that you are giving your kids something truly precious by being there for them.

What a beautiful post

This is going to sound so feeble, but Double my heart goes out to you.

Your post is so perfectly put.

I am not disabled nor are any of my DC's or my famiy so I have no personal interest in the debate. But, bloody hell if I feel despair at some of the things I have read her, than I cannot even begin to imagine what the posters whose lives are affected by disabilities must feel.

I just cannot get my head around people priortising their enjoyment at a cinema over and above the feelings of a disabled person.

It's fucking disgraceful.

Double

That's such a beautiful post.

For those of you who think those with disabilities shouldn't go to the cinema, for fear of upsetting anyone. Read that post and think about what you are saying.

Double..that means a lot. Makes the shit from the shits worthwhile if have helped you.

Cant post much as out for dinner but genuinely am here to listen x

Stopped reading the posts after page two, as I have an opinion and will not change it based on others. However, I have a question. Apologies if it has been asked already between page 3 and 7.
Had I been in the op situation, my first instinct would have been to yell back at the guy, probably embarrassing the other person further. But would me going out to ask for the idiot to be kicked out of the cinema not also embarrass him as I would have had to publicise the situation even more? What would be best to do in such a circumstance?

When I take my ds to dh grans we go to their local cinema. There's always a large group of young adults with their carers and it's loud. Doesn't bother my 7 year old ds as quite honestly the noise from the film is louder. He does look. I tell him the noise is the excitement and sometimes fear of guests just like he sometimes gets excited and also scared.

He seem to get it. hope he continues to do so.

Some of the comments are shocking. Really shocking.

The only time I've had a real issue is when you have to book seats and people are sitting in them, they wont move, you have to move somewhere else and someone moves you on as your in their their seat s and there's nowhere for you to go at this stage and the management don't really f'cking care so you're stranded with no seats you've paid for and your kids have been moved around sooooo much and are starting to get upset............

Thank you

Strangely I have a warm feeling on this of all threads! You magic few are very kind.

None of the naysayers picked up my post so I will try and rephrase.

Someone suffering from Tourettes syndrome has no automatic right to sit through a film uninterrupted by their own physical or verbal tics. What makes the rest of us any more deserving of that same 'right' than the person with the disability?

The ability to watch a film uninterrupted by physical or mental symptoms of a disability is a privilege, not a right. If you can't cope with having that privilege potentially mitigated for one single evening out of your whole year then don't go to the cinema.

2andry It's not about being 'PC', it's outdated language that describes something untrue. Language can be very disabling.

I am still surprised that no one has named and shamed the cinema and the staff that allowed it to happen.

I have never worked anywhere , where if someone was distressed or there was an incident, that person was at the very least given a cup of coffee and the offender told firmly where to go. Sure some degree of abuse towards the staff was tolerated. More than I'd have liked but if a customer was getting distressed we would intervene.

Instead of trying to tell other people how to think and feel, which is a fruitless task as you cannot change how someone feels whether you believe them to be right or wrong, why doesn't someone actually email the cinema or write to head office and inform them that staff were negligent and broke the equal opportunities law.

It should not have been allowed to happen.

I mean people complain about a cold meal but say nothing when an assult takes place or laws get broken??

I am really shocked that hawkmoon's post has been allowed to stand.

Suggesting that if someone with a disability can't be quiet somewhere then they can't go as "life's not fair and we can't all experience everything" is the very essence of disablism/against the Equality Act etc.

Shocking post.

This is basically a rerun of the panto thread which eventually got deleted as it was so full of such disablist comments.

Which then led.onto the "This Is My Child campaign" and a promise from MNHQ to take a much firmer line on disablism.

So I am bemused that suddenly all the awful comments on this thread are left as being "healthy debate".

One good thing has come out of this thread, though, I've looked at the pictures on the This Is My Child campaign and enjoyed seeing all the gorgeous DC on there