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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this man at the cinema was plain nasty?

806 replies

WombatCat · 09/09/2013 23:57

Dh and I watched a film at the cinema on Saturday night.

There was a young man a few rows back from us with very vocal Tourette's. Obviously it was distracting to most people around him, but once the film started I didn't find it an issue. However, one man decided to tell him to shut up and "isn't there a special showing you could go to?"

Quite a few people appeared to be in agreement with him. I now wish I said something.

OP posts:
NotYoMomma · 10/09/2013 16:07

I said squeal and grunt as that was what a previous poster had used to describe the noises and how she thought it was a tic rather than just a disruptive person actually.

seriously, people cant be privatley annoyed without being disablist? I just cant get my head round that

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/09/2013 16:08

For example I bet your granny would be upset if she read lots of people saying she pissed them off with something she can't help

{can't believe am having to spell this out)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/09/2013 16:08

it's not "privately" annoyed if you post it on here to me, who has a disabled child, is it?

hermioneweasley · 10/09/2013 16:08

Notyomomma - it's pretty petty to say you'd be annoyed at having a cinema outing disrupted. People with disabilities have to live with them and their disruption all the time. Even if a cinema outing is a rare treat, I would hope people could think "gosh, that must be frustrating for that person, how fortunate am I" instead of wallowing in how their "immersive cinema experience" has been spoiled.

Have people lost all compassion?

There was a case of a young man who died from Tourette's. His tics were so bad he couldn't even sleep and he died. I expect that was a lot more distressing than a slightly disturbed cinema viewing FFS.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/09/2013 16:09

But if you don't get it, you don't get it. Keep on being "privately" annoyed in a public forum.

AllThatGlistens · 10/09/2013 16:09

Makes you wonder doesn't it Fanjo? Sad

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/09/2013 16:10

it does, Allthat.

Don't let em get you down though Thanks

hermioneweasley · 10/09/2013 16:10

Notyomomma - are you also "privately annoyed" at those lucky disabled people who get to park near the front door, thereby reducing the available spaces with a short walk for NORMAL PEOPLE?

SantanaLopez · 10/09/2013 16:11

Man was an arsehole.

Let's hope karma kicked his ass.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/09/2013 16:11

Havent braved cinema yet. It won't be easier to do so having read that much of the audience would be "privately" annoyed by any noise DD makes, even if they knew it was because of her disability.

hermioneweasley · 10/09/2013 16:13

Fanjo- let them be "privately annoyed". Twats.

NotYoMomma · 10/09/2013 16:13

it is a discussion though about a particular situation and people are reading whatthey want itseems.

we have disabled people in my family but sometimes you do feel annoyed despite loving them and trying everything to protect them. its not disablist to admit that.

sometimes you dont think about much more than 'oh I wish they would be a bit quieter for a bit' without meaning you hate disabled people and are intolerant.

Oblomov · 10/09/2013 16:13

This is difficult for me too.
I have an autistic son, but if I paid a babysitter and went out for a meal , and it was ruined by bad food/bad service/ badly behaved children, I would be most cross.
Likewise, as we rarely get to the cinema, if it was ruined that much , by someone, I would be cross.
I am trying to figure if I would say something. To the tourettes person, or the person on the phone, or anyone else.
I probably would. I would probably say " I am very sorry, but I can't hear".

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/09/2013 16:14

sometimes you dont think about much more than 'oh I wish they would be a bit quieter for a bit' without meaning you hate disabled people and are intolerant.

But that IS intolerant, if they can't help it.

AllThatGlistens · 10/09/2013 16:15

I've just had to collect my DS from school who was wailing because he has misplaced his coat which stressed him out so much it massively kicked off his tics. Took me, his TA and the class teacher 30 mins to persuade him out of the cloakroom.

I can only imagine how privately annoying it must be to have a film (a whole 2 hrs?) disrupted by a person with uncontrollable, tics like those my son suffers with Hmm

Flowers and Cake right back at ya Fanjo Smile

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/09/2013 16:17

Well, oblomov, we are obviously different, because if I went out and had paid a babysitter and i couldnt hear well due to someone with a neurological disability, I wouldn't be cross at all, but would just think thats how it goes, and I would never dream of saying something to them.

Does your son go to the cinema? Maybe he doesn't make noises. But if he did, and couldn't help it, like my DD who can't speak, it would be fine to confront him and be cross?

Mind you , my DD wouldn't give a toss if someone said that to her, as she wouldn't understand, she would just be pleased someone spoke to her and squeal more with happiness.

hermioneweasley · 10/09/2013 16:17

Oblomov - what exactly would be the point of saying "I can't hear" to someone with INVOLUNTARY TICS?

I would have thought that someone with an autistic child might have a fraction more compassion.

And will everyone stop equating people with vocal tics to people who are rude or "badly behaved children". It's like equating a wheelchair users with people who are too lazy to walk.

MrsDeVere · 10/09/2013 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 10/09/2013 16:20

But Oblomov, I very much doubt the ticcing would even be that loud. Tbh it would get worse if the person felt stressed.

Do you not think that by saying that to someone with a disability they cannot help, you might also be ruining their night out?

Different if you go for a meal and it's crap or the service is bad, so much different.

AllThatGlistens · 10/09/2013 16:20

My eldest has Autism and Tourette's, so if someone had the audacity to complain to him he'd probably spend the next hour explaining Tourette's Syndrome to that person in extreme detail, whilst continuing his involuntary tics.

He'd make a fabulous educator, methinks Grin

NotYoMomma · 10/09/2013 16:20

thats what I am trying to say obv but I dont seem able to try and get it across without digging myself a bigger dickhead hole Sad Confused

Pagwatch · 10/09/2013 16:21

If anyone came over to complain to DS2 he would say 'shhhhhhhhhhh!'

buss · 10/09/2013 16:22

'I paid a babysitter and went out for a meal , and it was ruined by bad food/bad service/ badly behaved children, I would be most cross. '

so would I...but making allowances for a person's disability is different I think.
I would be happy that the guy with tourettes felt confident enough to go to the cinema. It must be awful to worry all the time about how people may react.

YouTheCat · 10/09/2013 16:23

If anyone came angrily complaining to my ds, he's probably bite them and throw all 12 stone of himself at them.

AllThatGlistens · 10/09/2013 16:24

My son doesn't really acknowledge it yet, he has the approx cognitive age of a 6yo, but I'm waiting for the day he realises that some people will view him as a nuisance, or weird.

That's a very hard thing to have to try and prepare your child for.