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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect ex to attend hospital appt with DC2

33 replies

Theydeserve · 09/09/2013 21:24

Ex agreed weeks ago to take DC2 to hospital appt, has two very important appts in close succession - he taking one off work and me the other.

Tonight he phones to say his new DP has had a bereavement at the weekend, is in such a state vomiting, has been admitted to hospital and he can not go tomorrow because he needs to be with her.

OP posts:
kim147 · 09/09/2013 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jewelledkaleidoscope · 09/09/2013 21:28

I agree, it's a tricky situation and you should do it if you can.

I expect what's annoying you is the way ex can just say 'sorry, can't' to things to do with parenting whereas if you were in the same situation as him, you would have to find a way to do it.

Original poster
Theydeserve · 09/09/2013 21:39

our child will suffer, so of course i will.

That is not the point the future health of his dc or the selfish new dp who instead of helping her family through a shit crisis turns herself into the centre of attention, once again

sadly she is the drama queen who pulled fake emergencies throughout last year when, we were having major health issues with the Dcs.

I knew he was not going to do this one, but was expecting the 5th miscarriage story to rear its ugly head.

v cynical and pissed off, day off work, no pay, no maintenance and drama queen centre of the universe again. God help us when the heart op actually happens

OP posts:
waltzingmathilda · 09/09/2013 21:47

4 miscarriages, pregnant again and awaiting a heart operation.

Blimey, you're full of love and empathy arent you?

Original poster
Theydeserve · 09/09/2013 22:02

no darling - she claimed 4 pregnancies and miscarriages as one of my DCS got heart failure and was on ITU twice, another big bereavement in my family. MY DC is awaiting the heart op not her.

So no I am not full of empathy when she has a bereavement, pulls the drama queen and gets herself admitted to hospital. A grown adult needs her hand held all day rather than a 4 yr old having some fairly shitty tests.

Sorry for her loss but do you know what, you cry wolf a few too many times and it bites you in the backside.

OP posts:
lougle · 09/09/2013 22:04

Oh dear. YABU, but you know that.

Hissy · 09/09/2013 22:06

Can you swap the dates then? You do this one, ExH does the other one?

Original poster
Theydeserve · 09/09/2013 22:09

he won't swap the dates.

What is unreasonable about expecting him to put his child first.

Last year my parent died and he could not sit on the ward for 24 hrs with our DC because she said she thought she was miscarrying.

Give me a break

OP posts:
KaFayOLay · 09/09/2013 22:10

As a mother, I would want to be there for my child, for that reason alone I wouldn't have even asked him.

YABU though. Not many people get admitted to hospital for nothing!

Pilgit · 09/09/2013 22:11

My dads partner is like that. In 12 years she's had amazing terminal cancer that disappeared as if by magic; a heart murmer; heart attacks; asthma attacks and a heap of things I can't remember. The woman is always ill. Especially when dads attention is drawn to us. We're adults though we don't need him. I hope, if she is crying wolf that it backfires on her.

CHJR · 09/09/2013 22:15

Good he reminds now and then that you separated from him for good reason?!

BadgersNadgers · 09/09/2013 22:16

You sound very bitter, do you want to get back with your ex?

Andro · 09/09/2013 22:18

I'm getting splinters from the fence I'm sitting on. Does your dc know that dad was supposed to be taking him/her? If so, he's sending a pretty crappy message. I would also says it's pretty hypocritical for him to ditch out due to his partner's (very sad) bereavement and expect you to take over, when he wouldn't take over for you.

I hope your DC receives good news.

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 09/09/2013 22:19

After 4 miscarriages I imagine she will be extra paranoid about this pregnancy, she can't fake a family death, and they wouldn't admit her to hospital for no reason at all.

I can see why you are annoyed, and, if I'm honest I would feel a bit pissed off too, but try and look at it from her POV too, wouldn't you want your partner there if you were in her shoes?

I hope your dc is doing well, it must be a really stressful time for you Thanks

greenfolder · 09/09/2013 22:24

Jeez, that sounds bloody tough OP. Good job your dcs have you as a mum. As a side issue how do you get yourself hospitalised for a bereavement?? Mind boggles.
Hope your dcs appointment goes well op x

Original poster
Theydeserve · 09/09/2013 22:25

No after the hell those two have put me through - they deserve each other.

Just want the DCs to have a Dad who does not put his latest bit first and does not let them down,everytime because she takes priority.

I wanted to go and view my parents body prior to the funeral involving a 200 round mile trip. He could not sit with DC that day because she was drama queening. Sadly i can predict when the op happens in the next few weeks, she will have another crisis which will prevent him seeing them on the ward. I hurt for my DCs who come last after his current DP, her kids and her family every time

OP posts:
Easyonthetonic · 09/09/2013 22:26

I dont think the OP said she was pregnant at the moment.

Does your ex live near to you?

Surely he can still take your daughter to her appt, he would not be away from his DP for too long.

lunar1 · 09/09/2013 22:29

I think he should take his child to the appointment.

Original poster
Theydeserve · 09/09/2013 22:30

She is not pregnant - has never been pregnant in the last year.Conveniently finds herself pregnant a few days after our latest trouble and then when it settles she has a miscarriage - it is now a standing joke.

I was expecting that as the excuse this time, she can not in anyway be blamed for the bereavement, I would not wish it on anyone, even though we all go through it eventually.

DC knew Ex was going to hospital and excited 'cos Daddy was going to hold hands not mummy for a change! Explain that to a 4 yr old

You get yourself hospitalised by sticking your fingers down your throat and vomiting so many times, refusing drink and water, you get dehydrated- she has done it before.

OP posts:
quoteunquote · 09/09/2013 22:30

It's shitty when parents don't put their child first in situations like this, he sounds as if he is detached and un bonded with your child,

How hideous for you, nothing worse than your child being hurt by a parent,

You may have to accept he will never be the dad you wanted for you DC even in a little way,

she is playing power games, shrug the pair of them off, I would try to ignore them from now on, let him make the effort if he wants to,but don't waste anymore energy on them,

a normal person no matter what was going on for them would send their partner off to tend a child in its hour of need, she resents your child, if she feels the need to compete with it for attention, be careful with that one, she clearly didn't want a second hand man with baggage.

withdraw any unnecessary contact or communication, people like this feed of the energy, stop fuelling her.

good luck with the DC.

Andro · 09/09/2013 22:31

As a side issue how do you get yourself hospitalised for a bereavement??

You get yourself into such a state where you need to be sedated/have a massive panic attack/go into extreme shock and have to be monitored.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/09/2013 22:35

OP, this is terrible behaviour from this woman, and I completely understand your anger at the pair of them. Like you, I don't believe she's had all those mc (and am astounded at her cruelty), but do you think your ex does? Does he buy her act?

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 09/09/2013 22:37

How do you know she wasn't pregnant?

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 09/09/2013 22:37

Sorry, I thought you meant she was pregnant.

How do you know she is doing all this stuff? Does your ex know?

Sadly, I think its going to come to a point where you can't figure him in your childcare arrangements, which is completely unfair on you Sad
Do you think there will come a time that he will see through her lies?

Original poster
Theydeserve · 09/09/2013 22:39

quoteunquote - do you know her!!

I do usually detach and ignore, then he offers to do something and 99/100 lets the DCs down - but you keep trying because you want them to know their Dad, have a relationship with their Dad and you hurt for your kids.

Have had my rant now going to sleep before tomorrow and what other hell that brings.

OP posts:
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