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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About dh pissing off fishing?

52 replies

rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 10:04

I really don't know.

I'm fed up with him anyway at the moment, every little thing he does and says annoys me, so that may be clouding my judgment.

He announced at 8am this morning that he thought he'd go fishing.
"That's fine" I said.
He said "well, we've got no plans for today have we?"
I said "no, just the usual, washing, cleaning, ironing etc etc."( I was annoyed actually, I don't feel like I could take off for half the day. I said in the week I wanted to paint the kitchen today and he moaned, saying I should do it in the evenings when the dds are in bed, rather than spoil our relaxing Sunday)

He then said it would be nice if I brought the dds down to see him for an hour so they could watch him fish and do some Blackberrying. I obviously didn't look keen, so he said "but the dds would love to come fishing with me".
So I said "take them with you then?" He replied, "I can't for 4 hours" so I suggested he went for a shorter time then.
At this point, he stomped off

I know it's boring, sorry!

I just don't know if I'm being selfish feeling pissed off that he can announce he's off for half the day.

OP posts:
Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 10:06

And another thing.

If he catches a bloody fish, he'll bring it home and expect me to think he's a hero caveman hunter gatherer.

Then he'll gut it and chop it up and leave clumps of dead, stinky fish and scales all over the draining board because he is spectacularly inept at cleaning up after himself.

OP posts:
RinseAndRepeat · 08/09/2013 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 10:10

I'm not sure whether YABU or not, but I know I'd be annoyed!

S,e men just really don't have a clue about all the things that have to done around the house just to maintain a clean and organised one and to keep life ticking along. My husband drives me MAD by his lack of awareness that chores need to be done. He his eyes and moans about how boring they are, does he not think I feel the same?? If I ask him to do something his response is, "I'll do it tomorrow....."

That's when my eyes start to roll!!

Men, they're a different species, I swear!

Vajazzler · 08/09/2013 10:13

I understand your annoyance but everyone is entitled to some time alone. Instead if fretting over this, why not have fun with your dcs and plan your own time out for next weekend.
Aside from that where is he fishing? My dh is a keen fisherman and would never bring home a catch. It's really not the done thing. Good job as well as there would be no fish gutting going on in my kitchen Grin

Bowlersarm · 08/09/2013 10:15

I don't think you're unreasonable to be annoyed as it's such short notice. For me the difference would have been if he had mentioned it in the week and suggested you bring the DC down for an hour or so. It's quite a nice idea, but not necessarily at the last minute.

Also I think you're right. If he's pissing you off in general, then possibly whatever he had suggested would have been wrong. But only you would know that.

MortifiedAdams · 08/09/2013 10:15

Well, if he is going fishing for four hours, theb that leaves plenty of time this evening for him to do some.of the chores you have listed.

If he wants the dcs to go - he takes them. My DH fishes. Theres no way id be draghong dd along for one hour to watch - we will be off doing something fun together.

Next weekend, get in early. "Right, as we have no plans, im.off for a haircut and a wander roubd the shops. Hope you and the dcs have a nice few hours". You say you dont feel like you can tale a half day - you can. Stop being a martyr.

Vajazzler · 08/09/2013 10:15

Oh and as I understand it you can't go fishing for an hour as you have to spend time baiting the water and sorting out your rod and hooks etc. then there's the wait for a fish to take the bait.

MortifiedAdams · 08/09/2013 10:16

And it is best to fish for two hours each side of High Tide.

QuintessentialOldDear · 08/09/2013 10:17

That would drive me mad....

On a side note, I am always laughing at the British Fishing Tourists that go to the far north of Norway for some fishing near my local town. They are usually very large, look extremely unfit, and huffing, sweating and puffing carrying insane amounts of fishing equipment.

I dont think they realize that in Norway, fishing usually consist of hiking miles and some more miles into some remote lake or river in the middle of nowhere (which I imagine they do in Scotland), pitch a tent and fish in the night. It is nowhere near sitting on a chair by a river/canal in a leisurely fashion.

I need to find out if they have pandered to the British market and put padded chairs along some little roadside lake with a beer/ice cream van next to them...

sorry. Blush

Ruprekt · 08/09/2013 10:18

I saw one of those ecard messages on fb the other day that read

'When a man has a day off he goes fishing, watches tv or goes to the pub.....when a woman has a day off she catches up on the cleaning, washing and ironing.....'

Nuff said. ConfusedConfusedConfused

YouTheCat · 08/09/2013 10:19

Are some of these chores doing things for him (his ironing/washing?)?

If so leave his stuff. Do the minimum and then bugger off out with the kids.

Next weekend, get in there before he does, and tell him you're off out by yourself and he'll have to joy of doing all those things that need doing and looking after the kids.

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples · 08/09/2013 10:19

You definitely need to plan your own time off for next weekend. Plan now and mention it every day this week so he's under no illusion that its happening. Doesn't need to be in a sly way... Just say 'actually I'm glad you're having some free time today, means i won't feel bad meeting Jane / going shopping / having a few hours doing... next weekend darling'

Inertia · 08/09/2013 10:19

Clearly he meant he didn't want to spoil his relaxing Sunday when painting the kitchen was discussed. Doesn't sound relaxing for you.

Think I would take the children to him and tell him that you are painting the kitchen while they have a relaxing Sunday together. Then he can't gut the fish because he won't be able to get to the sink.

Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 10:20

You see Vajazzler, that's why I posted. I do think everyone is entitled to alone time. I just feel bitter I guess that he can do it and I can't.

I go out more for nights out I suppose than he does.

I am still pissed off though.

Gah.

OP posts:
Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 10:25

Ooh, missed all the other replies.

He's at some lake doing fly fishing I think. He's written down where in case I want to come, but I've not looked at the map.

I'm probably moaning for the sake of it.

I'm not a martyr, really. I just sound like one today.

OP posts:
Vajazzler · 08/09/2013 10:33

I do know that feeling I really do and when my dh does it to me I feel the same but the only person who suffers is me! I make sure that I get my time out and he gets to look after the kids instead.

LozzaCro · 08/09/2013 10:34

rumpledtitskin ... Are you me?? My OH fishes all the time, and I had the joys of the house work/childcare for my day off!

We had a big chat about time for ourselves. I opened with, what is it about fishing that you like. He explained, relaxing yet exciting at the same time (fish on... FISH ON!!) and the company of himself, the day to himself etc etc. So I just pointed out that I would like that.

We overhauled the house hold chores - we both work full time so I pointed out that everything should really be 50/50. He is pretty crap at knowing what needs doing, ie bedding change over, hovering, dusting... erm pretty much everything really. So we agreed that if I didn't ask, he didn't know to do it. Its not him being awkward, just him being clueless. So now its more of a 60/40 split, rather than 90/10! I just tell him what needs doing and it gets done.

My son is old enough now to go with him and have his own rod. Which gives me even more time to do as I please. Maybe open up a discussion pointing out how its a bit unfair of him to swan off with everything needing done around the house and childcare as well? Worked very well for me!

LC xx

acer12 · 08/09/2013 10:45

rumpled are we husband sharing?? Only mine has gone footie but with out a doubt would do the fish scaling thing!

We had words this morning where I said that his time wasn't more important than mine. We had planned to take both our DGM to the carboot but he forgot to tell us he has football (we only have one car! ) but we could go at 2 when he gets back! too late for any thing descent

It all got blamed on me not having a decent night sleep [shocked] I said more like 4 fucking months! (We have a four month dd)

A list of jobs is being drawn up and maybe even a fucking rota and I'm going to start a hobby for next Saturday !

Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 10:46

You're right Vajazzler. he is having a lovely time and I'm stomping around stewing. I'm the only one feeling pissed off! When he gets in I'm going to take a book and a drink to the bath. (don't want to go out as very very heavy period atm, sorry for detail!)

LC, that does sound very similar. We had the conversation when we first lived together that he doesn't see stuff and if I don't specifically ask him he won't think it needs doing.

I don't buy it though. How can a grown man not think the floor needs hovering? Or the bathrooms cleaning?

It winds me right up.

I think I shall make a list and get it sorted when he gets home.

OP posts:
acer12 · 08/09/2013 10:47

lozz that's what I need to do. My dh will do it if I ask but half the time I just get on with it!

Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 10:49

Hahaha Acer!

I'm just doing a spreadsheet which I'll show him when he's back!

Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 10:51

I can't do the asking thing. I get really really annoyed if I have to ask. It's like I'm asking for a favour when he should just fucking do it anyway. He has a brain and eyes...

OP posts:
Pantone363 · 08/09/2013 10:55

Well I won't be bringing the DC because there's quite a bit that needs doing here but if your going to be 4 hrs I'll see you at x o'clock. I'll do half the chores now then when you get back I need to go out but you can do the other half and watch the DC.

Oh and clean your fish guts up its gross.

mrspaddy · 08/09/2013 11:05

My husband will do this... I don't mind it now as long as it is not fishing every single Sunday. Also, he will do his own ironing etc, that evening.

At first it was a run, match or fishing and then some other hobby while I did everything when we were newlyweds but we had major talk about everything and I think he got the message..

I would leave some chores for him.. Wine and bath for you and maybe next Sunday have something booked yourself to do.

mrspaddy · 08/09/2013 11:07

Loss.. Mine is into that fish on fish on thing too!!!

Ps he also got me a pink fishing rod Confused

Damn river monsters

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