Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About dh pissing off fishing?

52 replies

rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 10:04

I really don't know.

I'm fed up with him anyway at the moment, every little thing he does and says annoys me, so that may be clouding my judgment.

He announced at 8am this morning that he thought he'd go fishing.
"That's fine" I said.
He said "well, we've got no plans for today have we?"
I said "no, just the usual, washing, cleaning, ironing etc etc."( I was annoyed actually, I don't feel like I could take off for half the day. I said in the week I wanted to paint the kitchen today and he moaned, saying I should do it in the evenings when the dds are in bed, rather than spoil our relaxing Sunday)

He then said it would be nice if I brought the dds down to see him for an hour so they could watch him fish and do some Blackberrying. I obviously didn't look keen, so he said "but the dds would love to come fishing with me".
So I said "take them with you then?" He replied, "I can't for 4 hours" so I suggested he went for a shorter time then.
At this point, he stomped off

I know it's boring, sorry!

I just don't know if I'm being selfish feeling pissed off that he can announce he's off for half the day.

OP posts:
Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 11:31

What is fish on fish on??

I have made a list!

OP posts:
FredFredGeorge · 08/09/2013 11:57

You need to reassess the amount of cleaning and washing and ironing you do if it takes you all of sunday - or if you're choosing to do it on sunday then I fail to see the problem.

Four hours fishing when you had nothing but chores planned for the day doesn't seem the slightest bit unreasonable.

YABU

Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 12:02

Thanks Fred.
Very helpful.

OP posts:
Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 12:05

I know, maybe I should take a day off work and do it then? Or yesterday rather than going to the fair. Or in the evenings, just very quietly so I don't disturb dds.

OP posts:
Squitten · 08/09/2013 12:07

I don't see a problem with him going fishing for an afternoon. I also don't see why you can't organise to go off shopping/museum-hopping/out with your friends on a different afternoon.

The fact that you see all the household chores as YOUR job to do is the more pressing issue I think. I would be taking myself off for the day with the understanding that if I come back to an almighty hell-hole, there will be absolute murder! And I would mean it.

ageofgrandillusion · 08/09/2013 12:15

Personally i'd rather do chores that go fishing. Men who go fishing are just weird.

Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 12:17

I don't see a problem with him going fishing either really, that's why I asked if I'm being unreasonable.

It's the other stuff. I don't see it as my job, it just is my job because I'm the only one who is bothered about living in a shithole.

OP posts:
FurryDogMother · 08/09/2013 12:32

At least your husband guts his own fish - I get presented with the entire dead body and am expected to de-gut it myself. DH's best (fishing) mate even gave me a gutting knife and special chopping board for one of my birthdays - so helpful!

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples · 08/09/2013 12:35

are you going to take some time for yourself as suggested?? :-)

noobieteacher · 08/09/2013 12:40

You should go, do some blackberrying (kids love it) come back, make loads of cakes or jam, leave the kitchen in a mess and take the afternoon off. Tell him he can cook the fish.

Fairenuff · 08/09/2013 12:43

The problem is that you don't say what you mean, OP. That would piss me off if I were your dh.

He announced at 8am this morning that he thought he'd go fishing.
"That's fine" I said.

Why? It's not fine for you, so why say it is?

Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 12:44

Noobie, I've spent so much time moaning about that he'll be back soon. Blush

I have done the washing, ironing, hovering and tidying so will show him the list and take myself off for a bath. He can cook Sunday lunch and clean up after it.

Paper, I will be taking myself off next weekend to the pictures as I have a voucher for free entry for one!

Furry, you're a better woman than me! I'd throw it at him.

OP posts:
noobieteacher · 08/09/2013 12:45

But seriously, try to work out a way to ensure that nobody goes out until the house is tidy, that kind of thing. Overlook the small things as it will jyst get you down. Be firm but fair.

Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 12:45

* hovering*
Although I have done a bit of hovering too.

OP posts:
MissStrawberry · 08/09/2013 12:47

You should paint the kitchen in the evening rather than spoil "Our" relaxing Sunday? Hmm

You don't get to relax on a Sunday..

Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 12:47

I do that thing Fairy, I say "fine", thinking and hoping that he'll tell from my tone that it clearly isn't fine. I know, my fault.

I should be honest, but he always says these things in front of the kids and I find it hard, knowing it'll end in an argument.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 08/09/2013 13:07

You can have a discussion. It does not need to be an argument. If it's difficult at the time tell you want to talk about it later.

So, you could say, no that's not ok with me because, remember, we have a lot to get done today. I don't mind you going if you can get the housework done another time. I'll do the washing but the rest can wait til you get home. We will talk more about this later, is that ok with you?

In fact, talking like this in front of your children helps to teach them how to do it when they are in similar situations. It's good for them.

cardibach · 08/09/2013 13:08

Fred the issue is that the chores were planned for two, not just the OP! Why should he go and do a fun thing and not worry about them?
OP you have done the right thing, and enjoy next weekend!

LozzaCro · 08/09/2013 13:27

Lol! 'Fish on... FISH ON!!' Is a term they use when the fish takes the bait. OH has put me through many an evening of fishing programmes...

I didn't like having to ask at first either, but I just got more sick of it being overlooked. No one wants to live in a mess, and we have been doing it this way for about 5 months now. It is working very well. I don't see it as me asking for help - I see it as x, y and z needs to be done, you do this and I will do that.

Believe me, I feel your pain. I hope it all goes well xx

Peterpurvis · 08/09/2013 14:10

Rumpel I have come over from the relationships thread to read your thread because one poster likened me to your other half so I just had to see it.

I have to say I am nowt like him (I am female) - the reason I was compared to him was because I want to go and stay with a friend this week over night (straight from work and straight to work in morn). Despite that I have given DH notice and that all he will need to do is collect DCs, put them to bed and take them in the morn - I apparently am being unreasonable.

However, you are def not being unreasonable and I totally empathise with you. I too don't understand why my DH doesn't notice that carpets need hoovering etc (apart from when I have been off work and not done it - then he notices)

Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 15:22

Faire, we have had a talk, we don't argue really but I hate all the clenched jaw talking, it's just as bad. Thanks.

Thanks also Cardi and LC x

Peter, I've just had a read of your thread. I agree, not the same at all. I'll come and add to yours after my bath. Grin

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 08/09/2013 19:45

Did you make a compromise for next time rumpled? It gets tedious having the same old discussions over and over. Best to get it sorted once and for all.

Original poster
rumpledtitskin · 08/09/2013 21:38

We had a talk Faire.
There's more to it i'm afraid which is why I said at the start I was looking to see if I was being unreasonable about today.
Thought we'd understood each other.

He asked if I want a roast today and I said yes, if he cooks it and cleans up after it, seeing as I've done everything else today.
He agreed, thought was sorted.

We had a lovely roast dinner and after he cleared the table and I heard the dishwasher go on. All good I thought...

Just been in and he's done the dishwasher, but left the stuff that wouldn't fit it or had to be hand washed on the side. Worktop's filthy and hob all greasy and dirty.

Is it me??!

Is it really that hard to finish a job?

Didn't say anything, couldn't be arsed.

So fed up, going round in circles. Sad

OP posts:
noobieteacher · 08/09/2013 22:00

Mine does that, mates man does the same. Tidy men are the exception in my social circle. I still don't think it's acceptable behaviour but I have accepted that it won't change.

So in the end you do it for yourself and the dcs and don't raise your expectations. A bit sad really.

Fairenuff · 08/09/2013 22:04

I would tell him.

I would say 'Look, I'm not picking at you but we really need to talk again because I don't think you fully understand what I'm saying. We need to be able to be frank with each other without getting angry or upset. It may not be important to you but it's important to me, so let's sort this out once and for all' or something along those lines.

However, he did cook the meal and clear up the majority of it, so perhaps you should have a think whether it really is that important to you.

Personally, it wouldn't bother me. Dh is always getting on with housework without being told or asked but I can see how it could annoy you if he only does it occasionally.