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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross DH did not come home after stag do?

90 replies

ODearMe · 08/09/2013 08:46

I dropped him off at 3pm last night and not heard from him or seen him since! He said he was only going for a few drinks and would not be going clubbing with them. So I have left the house unlocked and he did not come home. No phone call out of courtesy to let me know, so now I'm wondering all sorts. He is probably staying with a friend but how am I to know for sure he isn't in hospital? He is not answering his phone.

A couple of months ago, I had a work do and didnt intend staying out all night but I did in the end as was having a good time. I phoned DH to explain I would be staying at hotel in same room as colleague (who he has known since we were children), so he knew it was all above board. He even spoke to her too.

So on this basis, am I being unreasonable to expect a phone call or a text if staying out all night?

OP posts:
lunar1 · 08/09/2013 13:12

I hope he is back op

Snoopingforsoup · 08/09/2013 13:16

I would be livid. Absolutely and utterly annoyed for the worry he's caused, and also for the lack of courtesy.

I hope he arrives back safely and it's nothing more than pissed up lack of thought!

Original poster
ODearMe · 08/09/2013 13:49

Just to let you all know he has come home. He got really drunk and fell asleep in the cab and the cab driver wouldn't take him home so dropped him with his friend at his friend's house. I asked why he didn't ring and he said he was in a a bad state and battery died.
I have asked him not to do that again and he has promised he won't not let me know in the future.
Thanks for all your replies

OP posts:
BruthasTortoise · 08/09/2013 13:54

Glad he's home safe and you're all ok, OP.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/09/2013 13:59

glad dh is home, but yes i would be bloody pissed off, a simple text even at 9/10pm when starting to get slaughtered and knew he wouldnt make it home (dont believe the taxi story, as long as wasnt throwing up then surely taxi would take him home) would have been nice

or even a call when woke up this morning would have been nice, yes he may have had a flat battery (yes it happens, some phones have crap ones) but he could have rang you from friends home phone/mobile to say what had happened and he would be home within the hour etc

Bearbehind · 08/09/2013 14:04

A cab driver that didn't want to increase his fare by taking your husband home???

Can't help but think his story is bullshit.

123Jump · 08/09/2013 14:08

Bearbehind, taxi drivers do not want an incapacitated drunk in their cab. They will be left with someone who won't know where they live etc. Who may well barf ( or worse) in the cab on top of it all!!

whatever5 · 08/09/2013 14:08

I believe the taxi story as I'm sure that they wouldn't want someone who has passed out in their car if there were no other passengers. It doesn't explain why he didn't phone you as soon as he woke up though. He could have borrowed a friend's phone. Very inconsiderate.

Bearbehind · 08/09/2013 14:14

Never thought of that- fair point!

It still seems like a very convenient series of events though- I just don't believe anyone can completely loses the ability to call home before lunchtime on the day after a night out unless they were up to no good.

Pollydon · 08/09/2013 14:27

OP my dh taxi'd for15 years & he would have refused your dh

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/09/2013 14:27

ditto bear, the friend managed to give his address to taxi driver, surely if op dh was so pissed then friend could have given taxi driver his address for him

Numberlock · 08/09/2013 14:32

What time did he finally come home?

Original poster
ODearMe · 08/09/2013 14:44

He said he didn't ring because before as he thought he was coming home. He said he asked the taxi to take him back but he terminated at his friends house and told them both to get out there. He said he then felt terrible all morning which is why he didn't call. He promised he would never do it again and got carried away drinking too much while catching up with old school friends he hasn't seen in years x

OP posts:
Original poster
ODearMe · 08/09/2013 14:45

He phoned at 12 on his friend's phone btw

OP posts:
Numberlock · 08/09/2013 14:46

And what's your gut feeling about his story?

Bearbehind · 08/09/2013 14:50

He felt terrible all morning which is why he didn't call!

What a cock!

How did he think you'd be feeling?

Oh that's right- he didn't think about you at all.

I would be absolutely livid about this and highly suspicious of his story.

How likely is it that his friend is covering for him?

gobbynorthernbird · 08/09/2013 14:52

People who are drunk enough to pass out may vomit, urinate or even shit themselves. I wouldn't want someone in that state in my cab if I were a taxi driver, so I wouldn't read too much into him being dropped off at his friend's house.

The OP's OH has obviously been a twat, but I wouldn't think that he was lying, or had been up to something he shouldn't have.

JenaiMorris · 08/09/2013 14:54

Bear, do you enjoy planting doubt in the mind of someone who's been given a perfectly believable explanation?

Do you live doubting the validity of everything you're told? It must be a very stressful, insecure existence.

MarysDressSways · 08/09/2013 14:54

He felt ill so he couldn't call? I would have been worried sick and been FURIOUS at such a lame excuse. I wouldn't be forgiving him for a lonnnnng while. Why couldn't he have sent a text? It's just thoughtless.

ihearsounds · 08/09/2013 14:56

I think he is chatting bollox.
He says that he didn't want to phone because he was in a state and that his battery was dead. That explains after 10:30 this morning. Before then his phone was working.

themaltesefalcon · 08/09/2013 14:56

Sounds entirely believable to me.

Taxi drivers much prefer to forgo a five pound fare rather than have to clean the vomit out of their taxi / deal with someone who is catatonic and doesn't remember his own name, let alone address / deal with someone who actually dies of alcoholic poisoning in the back (this happened to my uncle's taxi driver mate- fucking nightmare).

Your husband is a thoughtless shit but that is probably all, OP.

Once in a blue moon is OK in my book. Middle-aged men, convinced they are all 19 again and have 19-year-old livers again... saddos. :)

Bearbehind · 08/09/2013 14:57

I don't enjoy planting doubt but I'm not a gullible push over either.

This story just doesn't stack up to me- why didn't he call before 12 when he has previous on this kind of thing and must have known his wife would be worried.

I'd much rather question what I was told than have the piss taken out of me.

Back2Two · 08/09/2013 14:59

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This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

phantomnamechanger · 08/09/2013 15:00

The saddest thing about this whole thread (and I'm glad he is safe and well, OP, if a little fragile/worse for wear) is that some people genuinely think it is "controlling" (or even insecure/jealous/distrustful) of a life partner to think like this. It is about respect and courtesy. If you are married or living together you automatically have someone else who you should think about and how your actions impact on them - whether that's leaving your dirty pots or pants around or staying out all night with no warning. I would not expect that from a grown up child living at home either. You can't selfishly please yourself and leave them not knowing what's happening or where you are. That's just incredibly disrespectful and in some cases, arrogant ("I can do what I like").

Back2Two · 08/09/2013 15:01

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This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns