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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross DH did not come home after stag do?

90 replies

ODearMe · 08/09/2013 08:46

I dropped him off at 3pm last night and not heard from him or seen him since! He said he was only going for a few drinks and would not be going clubbing with them. So I have left the house unlocked and he did not come home. No phone call out of courtesy to let me know, so now I'm wondering all sorts. He is probably staying with a friend but how am I to know for sure he isn't in hospital? He is not answering his phone.

A couple of months ago, I had a work do and didnt intend staying out all night but I did in the end as was having a good time. I phoned DH to explain I would be staying at hotel in same room as colleague (who he has known since we were children), so he knew it was all above board. He even spoke to her too.

So on this basis, am I being unreasonable to expect a phone call or a text if staying out all night?

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 10:00

I would also be worried by now actually. Do you know the names/numbers of my of the other wives/girlfriends? Maybe you contact them and see if they know what's going on or ask if they could contact their partners?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 08/09/2013 10:05

Yanbu. It's just manners to let someone you are living with know that you are not coming back.

Or of course she would worry who wouldn't. One text or phone call that's all it takes,

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 10:07

When my husband went abroad for 4 days for his own Stag he still phoned me twice a day just to let me know he was ok. It is just courteous x

Alisvolatpropiis · 08/09/2013 10:18

Yanbu

I would be livid. It takes seconds (ok maybe minutes if v pissed) to send a text.

Usually one has a good idea it's going to be a long night well before it is too late to text/call.

MortifiedAdams · 08/09/2013 10:21

I hate this. If my dh wants to have a major piss up and stay out, fine, but it is common courtesy to let you know. I had words with dh when he didnt text and it was nearing 4am. Ive said I expect a message in futiure aroubd midnight to update me on plans.

I mean, at what point do you call the Police and report a missong person.

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 10:22

I'm about 5 hours I think......

acer12 · 08/09/2013 10:33

I'd be livid! Hope your ok!

Mine has a habit of constantly phoning me when he is pissed even when I tell him to fuck off I'm trying to sleep

Because my dh hasn't really got form for it I would have phoned police by now though.

And why do done posters pick tiny comments out of the op and try and derail it? so he knew it was all above board doesn't mean the ops fella jealous or insecure. It was to explain her point that she had been courteous and told him where she was was. I would do the same.

Original poster
ODearMe · 08/09/2013 10:50

He is still not back!!! I have tried to ring the friend he would have stayed with and no answer from him. DH's phone now goes straight to answer phone.

OP posts:
Slainte · 08/09/2013 10:56

Still not home? now I'd be worried. Do you think you should phone the police?

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 08/09/2013 11:00

I would be worried first (because it would be very out of character for my DH not to call and let me know he was staying out longer than planned) but once I knew he was safe and well, I would be livid.

It's not so much the staying out all night, but a) not bothering to forewarn you so you knew to lock the house up and b) because he gave you a hard time for staying out even though you did let him know.

acer12 · 08/09/2013 11:00

Call police see if he has been arrested or local
Hospital . Flowers

baggyb · 08/09/2013 11:02

I'd be fizzing!! It's unlikely that anything has happened to him, so try not to worry too much (easier said, I know). X

Wonderstuff · 08/09/2013 11:04

Oh no! I would be livid, but not worried yet tbh, have you anyone else you could call?

Renniehorta · 08/09/2013 11:07

Don't phone the police etc. If there had been an accident or whatever you would know by now. That would be a major over reaction. He will stagger in eventually.

I would just be really cold and indifferent. Don't let him think that he is the centre of your universe. Just make him crawl to get back into your good books.

MortifiedAdams · 08/09/2013 11:08

Lock the door from the inside and leave the keys in it. If he does return soon he can sit on the step and stew.

Call roubd tge stations and hospitals.

HungryHorace · 08/09/2013 11:08

I used to have this argument with DH before we were married.

It isn't about the staying out; it's about the not letting you know that he's staying out so you don't wake up and worry where he is.

I hope he's reappeared now and has apologised to you for being so inconsiderate.

Dirtymistress · 08/09/2013 11:09

I hope he'd alright. How horribly stressful for you.

whatever5 · 08/09/2013 11:17

I wouldn't phone the police yet as I doubt very much that they would do anything/take it seriously at this point. I would ring all his friends though, not just the one he usually stays with.

Assuming he is okay, he has been really really unfair to you. I would be livid in your position.

QuintessentialOldDear · 08/09/2013 12:30

Any news yet?

Campari · 08/09/2013 12:31

Any news yet?

LookingForwardToSalmon · 08/09/2013 12:40

Hmm I would call all of his friends that you know were out.

And keep calling that one he should have been staying with.

I'm sure he will turn up eventually with his tail between his legs but just call in the hopes of putting your mind at rest.

DuchessFanny · 08/09/2013 12:44

This is the only thing DH and I argue about.
I hope he's turned up safe and sound and not too hungover !

BruthasTortoise · 08/09/2013 12:59

If my DH didn't appear home after a night out the only reason would be if he was hospitalised and had no ID with him. I would be on the phone to the hospitals OP. hope all's ok.

Fairenuff · 08/09/2013 13:03

I would just be really cold and indifferent. Don't let him think that he is the centre of your universe. Just make him crawl to get back into your good books

I wouldn't. That is controlling and game playing and does not address the issue.

If he turns up safe and stayed out through his own choice then you need a serious discussion to make sure this never happens again, OP. He needs to understand how selfish and disrespectful it is to leave you worrying.

TidyDancer · 08/09/2013 13:08

If your plans change that dramatically, then the least you can do is inform the person who lives with you!

The OP wasn't saying her DH should've come home, just that he could've told her the plans were changing.

She can't really be unreasonable for wanting that, can she?

Hope he's home now and getting a bollocking!