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AIBU?

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Original poster

to wonder if it is normal for a child to go to secondary school still believing in father Christmas?

63 replies

froken · 07/09/2013 22:47

Dsis is 10 and still believes in father Christmas and the tooth fairy. Dm thinks this is normal these days.

I have gently suggested that dm tell dsis that father Christmas is not real this spring so she doesn't start secondary school still thinking he is real. My reasoning is that it would be much less of a shock to hear it from dm than her school friends.

Is it normal "these days" for older children to believe in father Christmas ( and the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny)

Aibu to think it would be kinder to tell her(I wouldn't tell her she isn't my child but to suggest dm tells her tge truth)

OP posts:
Sirzy · 07/09/2013 22:49

Does she really believe or is she just playing along?

I think this year your mum needs to start dropping some pretty big hints that its not real.

Spikeytree · 07/09/2013 22:52

There are always a small minority of Y7s who claim to still believe in Father Christmas. It doesn't last long.

Could it be she just says she does to get the goodies? I vividly remember pretending to still believe in the tooth fairy in order to get my pound coin.

littlemisssarcastic · 07/09/2013 22:54

I've not known of a secondary school child who still believes, but I have known a few who have gone along with it for family's sake IYSWIM.

If a child does genuinely still believe when they go to secondary, I would imagine they wont believe by the time Christmas comes around.

flowery · 07/09/2013 22:54

"it would be much less of a shock to hear it from dm than her school friends."

Can't believe she has genuinely got to 10 without already having heard it from her friends tbh. I expect she's playing along.

rachyconks · 07/09/2013 22:57

My mum had to tell my Dsis when she was about this age - she genuinely didn't know. She spent most of her time in a world of her own (still does) - so we weren't surprised she hadn't caught on. She took it well and fwiw, I think my mum did the right thing. Starting secondary is scary enough as it is without having to deal with these sorts of things.

Cocodale · 07/09/2013 22:59

My dd beloved until she was 12, she has a very vivid imagination, problematic at times when she was little.

Her younger sister worked it all out last year aged 9 Hmm

Original poster
froken · 07/09/2013 22:59

I think she really believes, we took her to meet father Christmas at Lapland when she was 7, I think that was proof enough for her that he is real.

OP posts:
CasperGutman · 07/09/2013 23:03

My mum's retired from teaching in a secondary school, and she still believes! seriously, I think she's most likely playing along - good for her.

mrspink27 · 07/09/2013 23:04

My DD has just started seco ndary school and does AFAIK still wholeheartedly believe... dont think it will last though Sad

Spikeytree · 07/09/2013 23:16

If she goes to the school I teach at the grumpy assistant head will do an assembly about Coca Cola and Santa and that will be that, whether she truly believes or not!

BrokenSunglasses · 07/09/2013 23:18

It's not normal in my experience. There are children that play along, but I think you can tell when they still genuinely believe.

WestieMamma · 07/09/2013 23:21

Santa's not real? Shock

marriedinwhiteisback · 07/09/2013 23:26

I just asked dd. She's 15. She can't really remember but thinks she would have believed a lot longer if her bro hadn't told her he didn't exist. After that she tried to believe he lied and defiantly believed FC existed for much longer and then went along with it.

I didn't know that. Just wait 'til the 18 year old little shit gets home from a party sometime tomorrow. Grrrr.

Fakebook · 07/09/2013 23:27

My dd is 5 and knew it wasn't real last year. The worse was when we went to see Madagascar 3 there were was an advert for Rise of the Guardians, and as it was playing dd was shouting in my ear (because it was so loud) telling me she knew Father Christmas wasn't real. Just as she was saying "....because Father Christmas isn't real" the advert finished and the whole cinema was dead silent. We were at the O2 with a packed cinema of children during half term Blush. God knows how many children she upset that day!

spg1983 · 07/09/2013 23:41

I work at a high school and one of the science teachers did an amazing assembly on the science of Xmas, basically trying to work out ways that all the "miracles" of Xmas (like Santa covering the whole world in 1 night etc) could be real, or proving how impossible they would be. It was the best assembly we'd seen for ages and the kids loved it.

However she had to stop doing it last year as a parent heard from their child that they had seen the assembly and was apparently inconsolable that someone would dare suggest that Santa wasn't real. Apparently it took the mum ages to get the child to start believing again - she was livid with the school for thinking it was appropriate for a yr 8 assembly and inadvertently ridiculing her child's beliefs. The child does not have SN by the way.

The member of staff who took the call decided not to name the child to the school staff as they didn't want the child to be ridiculed for the rest of their school life... Please OP make sure your Dsis doesn't have this happen to her!

SuperiorCat · 08/09/2013 00:05

A rugby friend of DS still believed in Y7 until a teacher made a passing comment about Santa not being real.

He ran out of the classroom in tears to ring his Mum, and the poor kid was ridiculed for months Sad

Please don't let that happen to your dsis.

manicinsomniac · 08/09/2013 00:14

I teach Y6. There's usually a couple in each class who seem uncertain and think they believe but aren't sure. I doubt they last another year genuinely believing. I would let your sister have this Christmas but see if you get your mum to tell her in July if she really hasn't worked it out.

I do think children believe for longer than they used to though. The Y5 class I had a couple of years ago were about 50-70% believers at a guess. There would have been no 9 or 10 year old still believing when I was little I don't think.

At first that seemed strange to me because children are generally much more worldly and sophisticated now. But I think it's thinks like the ability to track Santa online on Christmas Eve etc. That's proof to a child isn't it!

My oldest is 10 and just gone into Y6. She doesn't believe but she did last year.

LegoDragon · 08/09/2013 01:21

I would let her have Christmas, but I think she needs telling. If she is just playing along, saying he isn't real in a kind way won't do anything to her. It she really believes, then it could spare her a lot of tears and teasing.

3birthdaybunnies · 08/09/2013 07:08

But how do you tell them without spoiling it for younger siblings? Dd1 is just going into yr4, dd2 is yr2 and ds only in nursery. The younger two believe in everything, dd2 even goes to fairlyland every night. I have never confirmed or denied, I always ask 'well what do you think?' But they still get stocking presents (as well as main presents from us), and notes and coins from tooth fairy.

Dd1 has heard rumours at school but whenever she asks cos some boy has announced that it isn't true it is usually as we have just stopped in a traffic jam on M25 on a 4hr journey or some such inconvenient time and there are 3 little enquiring faces waiting for their whole belief system to be smashed. I can't do it to the 3yr old (after my big sis convinced me at same age to stay awake and see if it were true - she fell asleep so it was just me who knew for certain and had to lie to my parents for years as I thought I wouldn't get presents). Instead I ask what they think and they all say that of course he is true.

I don't mind her knowing but I would rather she finds out gently. Dd2 is so into her imaginary world that it might really affect her - though how she can so firmly believe I don't know. Sorry to hijack thread - can't bring myself to start Christmas thread in Sept other than in Christmas section and try telling them that FC isn't real! FWIW I would tell her just before she goes to Secondary if she doesn't already know.

Crowler · 08/09/2013 07:15

I told my son Santa was not real when he was 10.

I told him I would rip him from limb to limb if he ruined it for my youngest, who is not quite 8. I think they like having siblings who still believe, it keeps it alive for them.

If you handle it properly (like the threat of death), they'll keep it under wraps.

BrianButterfield · 08/09/2013 07:17

It's not normal but also not unknown. I had one y7 boy ask me, as if he were joking about, but I could tell he wasn't! I just said "haven't you ever had a Christmas present you KNOW your mum and dad wouldn't get you?" and he smiled happily. It's not a teacher's place to burst that bubble!

LolaCrayola · 08/09/2013 07:21

My daughter believed for years and years. Actually she didn't really, she just thought that I did and didn't want me to find out he wasn't real Grin I was genuinely shocked when I discovered she didn't believe, she was so convincing! I think your sister probably does know and is just playing along, it's nice!

TheHappyCamper · 08/09/2013 07:27

I teach in a secondary school and we definitely still get a handful of year 7's who still believe each year. We had one infamous year 7 assembly with an outside speaker (charity) and he started talking about how Father Christmas of course doesn't exist and there was horror on quite a few faces. He was told in no uncertain terms how inappropriate he was and was not asked back the following year!

I don't think your sister should tell her this year - she'll most likely have 'got it' by herself before next xmas.

I can't imagine how sad I'll be when dd no longer believes - she's 4 so hopefully I've got a while yet!

SillyTilly123 · 08/09/2013 07:36

Last year someone posted a lovely letter someone wrote to their daughter about santa. I did bookmark it but can't find it now, but think it may be this one, it sounds similar.
"Dear Lucy,
Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: ?Are you Santa??
I know you?ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I?ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.
I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.)
I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.
This won?t make you Santa, though.
Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can?t see or touch.
It?s a big job, and it?s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You?ll also need to believe in things you can?t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.
Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he?s filled with joy.
With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.
So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I?m on his team, and now you are, too.
I love you and I always will."

My dd1 is 9 and still believes but i have this letter to give her once she starts to question it, I think its lovely.

SillyTilly123 · 08/09/2013 07:39

I think the one I read last year had something about helping her little sisters to still believe in the magic. Or maybe I dreamed that one but would be nice to add on so she doesnt spoil it for the little ones.