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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder if it is normal for a child to go to secondary school still believing in father Christmas?

63 replies

froken · 07/09/2013 22:47

Dsis is 10 and still believes in father Christmas and the tooth fairy. Dm thinks this is normal these days.

I have gently suggested that dm tell dsis that father Christmas is not real this spring so she doesn't start secondary school still thinking he is real. My reasoning is that it would be much less of a shock to hear it from dm than her school friends.

Is it normal "these days" for older children to believe in father Christmas ( and the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny)

Aibu to think it would be kinder to tell her(I wouldn't tell her she isn't my child but to suggest dm tells her tge truth)

OP posts:

SummerHoliDidi · 08/09/2013 22:56

My friend and her sisters were all told that as soon as the youngest sister stopped believing in Santa then there would be no more stockings as there would be no need to keep up the pretense any more. When she announced she knew he wasn't real at 9 all 4 of her older sisters pinned her to the wall and firmly explained that she DID believe and would continue to believe for many years to come. She was 18 when she finally told her mum she didn't really believe in Santa and hadn't for a while.

3birthdaybunnies · 09/09/2013 07:08

For all of those who say not to lie to your children in the first place, we have never sat our children down and told him that he exists or is real. I haven't told them to be good or FC won't come, although they have been to FC at school I have never claimed that he is anything other than someone you can tell about what you want for Christmas. They always have had stockings with small bits in which they choose to believe come from FC. Big presents are explicitly from us. I have never told them about the tooth fairy - though I do give them evidence.

So why do they all strongly believe in FC? Tooth fairy? Fairies and maybe the Easter bunny? Because they learnt about it at school. Dd1's teacher introduced her to FC, fairies and the school has a easter egg hunt with the Easter Bunny. Why wouldn't they believe what their teacher said. And no doubt their friends reinforced it too. They had fun believing and I don't want to be the one to shatter young dreams. I have never confirmed or denied any of their beliefs and reflect the questions back to them. But why would they believe any different when everyone around them tells them that he is real - everyone from random old people on the street to the priest in the Christmas day service? I don't object to the tradition, and I do help to plant the evidence, but the actual belief and story around it has all been provided by other people. Yes I could have been the parent to tell their children that it wasn't true and complained to the school, but I didn't want my child to be the one to tell everyone in the class. I think it is quite sweet and I don't necessarily want ds and dd2 to loose their faith and be cynical though. I'm not going to tell them yet but when I do I know that I didn't start it!

It has been an interesting experiment in the influence of society on their world view.

TiredDog · 09/09/2013 07:33

That's interesting bunnies. Years ago when I was at work a small child came in with his Dad. At the end of the appt with his day I turned to small child (?5) and said are you looking forward to Christmas? Expecting excitement and a smile..

Dad turns and bluntly says we don't believe in telling children lies. Now, now

mumeeee · 09/09/2013 07:48

DD3 still believed when she went to secondary school and so did some of her friends. She didn't take any notice of other children saying it wasn't true. That was the last Christmas she did believe though. DD2 believed until she was 10 although at first she thought FC did actually exist and went to poor families. DD1 sussed it out at 7 but carried on playing along for her sisters.

mumeeee · 09/09/2013 07:54

Even when DD3 stopped believing they all carried on with the spirit of things and still hung up stockings. They even all still came into our bedroom to show us what they had got. This only stopped a couple of years ago when DD3 was 19.

VivaLeBeaver · 09/09/2013 07:58

My mums never told me that Santa isn't real. Even now if I asked her she'd tell me that its up to me if I believe or not but she thinks he's real.

She knows I've been buying all of dd's Xmas presents for the last 12 years and not once has he made an appearance to add more presents to the pile.

3birthdaybunnies · 09/09/2013 08:03

It would take a lot of energy and reminding to stamp the belief out. Although we are Christians I have a lot of sympathy with those parents who want religion taken out of the curriculum. Dd1 started school at 4.5, so at the previous Christmas she was 3.5 so probably couldn't remember what she had thought or believed then. She has taught her siblings. I actually really enjoy Christmas and seeing them open their presents and I don't want to tell them what they must or must not believe. And before people ask, yes we do take them to Church but it will be their decision when they are old enough to stay at home alone.

FloozeyLoozey · 09/09/2013 08:09

That is pretty unusual to me. DS figured it out age six, I couldn't imagine him still believing at 11!

soverylucky · 09/09/2013 08:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

freddiefrog · 09/09/2013 08:38

I would think it's quite unusual.

DD1 has just started high school and none of her circle believe. They keep quiet for younger siblings, but most of them figured it out by 10.

DD2 is 8 and I don't think she believes either.

We'll still keep it going whether they believe or not - my Mum still sneaks around with stockings for me, it's part of the fun for us

nooka · 09/09/2013 09:05

I've never had Father Christmas as a part of our family celebrations so I find it a bit strange how central Santa is to so many people's idea of Christmas. I don't have any problem with it, but the lengths some people go to create/sustain the myth does seem a bit OTT in some cases.

Seems to me that making sure a 10/11 year old goes on believing must take quite a bit of effort, and I wonder why it's so important? Enough that some parents kicked up a fuss about a secondary school assembly that went on the surely fairly safe assumption that no one believed any more! Crazy.

I am also amazed that the OP thinks that her sister has never come across anyone who has told her that Santa isn't real, surely there would have been some discussion among her friends over the last couple of years?

SillyTilly123 · 09/09/2013 09:16

Mydd asked me somehting the other day if suchandsuch was real (cannot remember what it was now) I said to her that some people believe and some people dont, just like God and Santa. "But Santa is real!" she said. (she's 9 yo, 10 in Feb)

mumeeee · 09/09/2013 14:27

In our family only stocking presents came from FC everything else came from us and other relations.

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