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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder if it is normal for a child to go to secondary school still believing in father Christmas?

63 replies

froken · 07/09/2013 22:47

Dsis is 10 and still believes in father Christmas and the tooth fairy. Dm thinks this is normal these days.

I have gently suggested that dm tell dsis that father Christmas is not real this spring so she doesn't start secondary school still thinking he is real. My reasoning is that it would be much less of a shock to hear it from dm than her school friends.

Is it normal "these days" for older children to believe in father Christmas ( and the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny)

Aibu to think it would be kinder to tell her(I wouldn't tell her she isn't my child but to suggest dm tells her tge truth)

OP posts:

TheHappyCamper · 08/09/2013 07:45

Awww, I appear to have something in my eye tilly . I will save that letter until it is needed. How lovely.

TiredDog · 08/09/2013 07:51

I faced this exact quandary this year. DD started secondary last week.

She did believe. I pondered and assumed she was going along... I broke it to her earlier this year after Christmas and she was shocked and visibly sad.

I told her for all the reasons you have said, bullying, ridicule etc. She 'recovered' quickly and I do not regret telling her for one minute. I did it gently and in response to a comment she made. Just dropped a big changer hint and let her think then ask the question... Then answered honestly.

She now knows the tooth fairy is Mum as well

elcranko · 08/09/2013 08:01

Tilly that letter is lovely. My dc too small to understand its Christmas but I absolutely can't wait for the things mentioned in your letter, running down the stairs on Christmas morning, excited face, opening presents, thinking santas been etc

But... I would hope that by senior school age the truth would be known. I'm not saying its the same for everyone but I know that in my school if an 11-12 year old still believed they'd be tormented by the other kids, who would probably take great delight in spoiling the mystery.
I'd hate for it to happen like that and would much rather break the news gently myself before it even becomes an issue.

Dobbiesmum · 08/09/2013 08:09

Lola my DS was exactly the same! He figured it out at around 8 but carried on the pretence because of his younger sister and because he thought I believed
He actually enjoys being someone 'in the know' and is happy to pretend for the sake of his sisters. When DD1 starts taking about Santa DS smiles and winks at me or his Dad.

MrsTedMosby · 08/09/2013 09:46

I have just found out my 9 year olds do not believe, mainly because my 14 yo keeps mouthing off whenever Santa is mentioned. Bloody know-it-all teenagers.

I've told them they need to keep quiet for DS5 who is 6. My baby is going to believe till he is 25!

DS2 is 11 and at secondary and still believes, but he has ASD and learning difficulties, so i haven't really thought of a way to explain it to him that he would understand. He goes to a special school and I know quite a few of them still believe.

SuperiorCat · 08/09/2013 15:09

DS has ASD so very factual and logical and kept questioning how and why etc. DD is 6 years younger and I didn't want it spoilt for her.

We had always said that those that don't believe, don't get.

So DS and I discussed how magical it was to believe and even though he didn't he must carry on the magic for his sister. I also backed this up with the threat that if he were heard saying that Santa didn't exist, then this would have to be backed up with him not getting Christmas presents

MrsDavidBowie · 08/09/2013 15:24

Ah the lies we tell small children.

I am waiting for someone to come on and say how immoral it is to tell children about FC in the first place

Dd knew when she was about 9, ds about 7.
However dd is 17 today and is ecstatic about getting a Disney Princess playset, double duvet and a Minnie Mouse throw.

QOD · 08/09/2013 15:31

I told my dd in the summer holidays just before starting year 7

She took Santa quite well, the Easter Bunny was a total shock and she was incandescent with rage about the Tooth Fairy :D
Apparently I was a useless tooth fairy and should have just told her.
She was 11.7 bless

CiderBomb · 08/09/2013 15:47

I found out that Father Christmas didn't exist when I was about eight and woke up late on Christmas Eve to hear my parents talking outside my bedroom door...

Mum "are they asleep yet?"

Dad "yes"

Mum "right, lets start bringing everything down"

I then had to lie there and pretend to be asleep when my mum brought my stocking into the room :(

All of my friends stopped believing at around the same time. But I have a cousin who's the same age as me and she still believed until she was about eleven! She was still playing with Barbie dolls at thirteen though so...

I'm quite shocked to hear that there are Year 8 kids who still believe. God I can only imagine the ridicule they'd have recived had that gotten out at my secondary school! It's nice for kids to believe as long as possible, but allowing a secondary school age kid to continue doing so is cruel and opening them up to ridicule and bullying IMO.

gallicgirl · 08/09/2013 15:56

I worked it out by the age of 5. Amazed kids believe for so long. Most parents would be having a sex education talk before high school, not a childhood myths talk.
Can you imagine the incongruity of a child approaching puberty whilst thinking father Christmas brings her presents?

SunshineMMum · 08/09/2013 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cocolepew · 08/09/2013 16:07

I told DD2 when she was 9 or 10, and asked me outright. She was inconsolable. Through her sobs she asked about the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny.
She never spoke to me for 2 days afterwards .

gallicgirl · 08/09/2013 16:19

Wouldn't it be easier to not lie in the first place?
I know Christmas with little ones is lovely but it just seems like a huge abuse of trust.

soverylucky · 08/09/2013 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDavidBowie · 08/09/2013 16:27

Bingo

SunshineMMum · 08/09/2013 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gallicgirl · 08/09/2013 16:50

No parent does and it is lovely and special, whatever your child's age or needs.

SunshineMMum · 08/09/2013 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coco27 · 08/09/2013 17:03

There was a yr 6 girl in my dds class who still believed, and all the others played along so as not to spoil it for her.sweet!

SummerHoliDidi · 08/09/2013 17:13

I once had a 17yo tell me sincerely how wonderful it was that Santa made time to write to all the children who wrote him letters, and how he knew them all so well. She went on to show me the letter she had received that morning. She has aspergers and her parents had just never twigged that she needed to be explicitly told that Santa wasn't real, they thought she was keeping on with the pretense for her younger siblings (aged 11 and 8). I mentioned it to her mum who then sat her down and told her. She was fine but absolutely amazed that they had managed to keep her convinced that long (she thought she was quite quick to pick up on "tricks" like that). I don't know how she managed to escape the ridicule at school, maybe she just didn't talk about it much, or other kids assumed she was messing about when she talked about Santa.

I know I've got at least one in my year 8 class who still firmly believed last Christmas in y7. I don't know how she will cope with someone confirming that he isn't real, she doesn't cope well with normal everyday sort of things so something this big could well be a huge issue for her, I think that may be why her parents have encouraged her to carry on believing for so long.

brightermornings · 08/09/2013 17:15

My dd has just started year 7. She brought the subject up after Christmas 2012. I decided as she brought the subject up and was asking if he was real then now was the time.
She wasn't upset but amazed that I'd (I'm a single mum) bought all the presents. Also that I knew what she'd like. So for me it worked out quite well!

coco27 · 08/09/2013 17:23

me too gallicgirl.It is unusual for a child over 7 to believe round here.But we live in a farming community and I think maybe children are a bit more down to earth.

Sallystyle · 08/09/2013 17:27

My 14 year old still plays along

He is way too conscious of being 'cool' at school so no worries of him saying he believes at school, but here he hasn't mentioned him not being real. I think he just plays along for the younger ones.

Whereisegg · 08/09/2013 19:40

My 6yo ds recently informed his dad and I that he doesn't believe in God or Santa, as he is more of a scientist.

gingee · 08/09/2013 22:53

My dd1 (12) was watching a 'Glee' DVD today () strangely it was one of the Christmas specials, it was all centred around the blonde girl and how she still believed in Santa, and how all her friends thought she was kidding but kept up the pretence. It showed her taking them all to the grotto to sit on Santa's lap, was quite funny and sweet actually, they dealt with telling her the truth in a lovely way. I assume the characters are around 17 or 18 ish. DD stopped believing until about 7 when her then 16 and 18 yr old brother and sister basically got bored of keeping up the pretence and told her 'daddy is downstairs building that bike you wanted, no Santa won't be bringing it down the chimney 'cause he doesn't really exist' .

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