According to FIL i am a selfish gobshite.

[cooeeyonlyme]

For the past month i have been really ill. I had food poisoning, then a kidney infection leading onto thrush (yey) .
Today i could barely get out of bed because i felt so weak.

FIL turned up and because i didn't get out of bed at 9:30 i am a selfish gobshite!
I had been up most of the night with DD with a sickness bug and it looks like i'm getting it too. Dp and fil just got into the car and went to bil's house where according to Dp they sat and discussed how i make them feel unwelcome in our home.

Over the past year Dp has lost his job an decided that he wants a year out (that's another thread)
My mother has escaped an abusive relationship which caused no end of trouble.
We found out that my brother was addicted to prescription drugs.
I practically had a nervous breakdown.

I work, Dp doesn't. He sits his butt on the couch and doesn't really do much. He'll wash the pots and make dinner every night but that's about it.
On my days off i clean the house because if i don't it won't get done.

MIL comes on a monday as soon as i get in from work, we get a long great but her waving a cup at me as i'm taking my work jacket off pisses me off.

Dps brother pops in every night for 10-30mins for no reason in particular. He likes to come at tea time with his family which i find annoying.

His nan visits every saturday night without fail. Even if we tell her we have plans she bangs on the door.

Fil insists on spending saturday sat on my couch. Literally the whole day. This is the only day i have with my family because i work every other day. So i have asked the family if they might leave us on our own on that day.

They have all turned on me and i am very upset. FIL said he has washed his hands of me and i am a selfish gobshite.
Please tell me aibu?

p.s. My family don't visit because dp's family are always here and they get made to feel like they shouldn't be here. Even christmas day all of Dp's family turned up and stayed all day and even watched us eat our lunch.

Selfish gobshite! Takes one to know one! Let's hope he won't be coming round anymore - that's one sorted! But you do need what someone else on here wonderfully called the 'Come to Jesus' talk with your 'D'P.

you are the breadwinner, DP sits around and eats all day, and has his big family in all the time and they eat your food too. plus they are there all the time. who wouldn't like that??

What IHearSounds said. You sound like you are running the place on your own anyway. Maybe remind your DH of that, kindly (or not so kindly). He is onto a good thing & he knows it, if he has any sense or love for you he will step up.

What do you need your partner for? All he does is laze about eating all day, bringing his family in to invade and abuse you, he's contributing nothing but stress and annoyance. As for the five stone weight gain - eugh, pure laziness and greed.

Get rid of him, let fil take him in, keep each other company. Pack his bags and don't let him back until he has a job and a huge apology for being such an arse (that's assuming you'd want him back, which is unlikely once you see how peaceful, relaxing and lovely your home is without him).

Ask DH to go to his dads Saturdays?

OP, just reading your thread made me tired. Why on earth are your DPs family so involved in your relatinship with him? Life is really, really too short to go downhill because of a man. I hope you realise that sooner rather than later, when years have gone by and youre looking back on your life. Somehow you must be strong tho because I know Id be unable to take the noise and stress of it all. Theyd all get the big boot from me, every last one of them. I hope you feel better soon.

Has no one suggested that you attach a pair of electrodes to your DP's bollocks yet cooee? (See how high he can jump.. N'that)

Shame on you mumsnet..

On a serious note though - I'd cut my losses with the FIL..

This situation is seriously impacting your health.

He wants to take a year out? Great, tell him to take his family with him!

I think telling him to move in with fil is inspired. He can still do childcare for you but you don't have to look at his fat arose on your sofa all the time.

Arse.

I made a bit of a scene before work today. I told him to change or he can get out.
I came home to a clean house, clean kids and tea on the table. His brother has been ringing and did turn up for 5 minutes before but i just got up and walked into a different room.

I wish they would understand that my home isn't Lime street station or a bloody cafe.

Tomorrow is monday, Mil's set day to come. As much as i like her i would like to be able to do what i want on a monday.

Grrr i love a good moan.

Bloidy hell op, first your dp needs to grow a pair, no is a complete sentance. Do not allow them into your home, stuff what fil thinks about you. You have to concentrate on your family

Has anyone ever seen that house on an tiny island near Menai bridge in Anglesey?
I want that house!

I have seen that house. That would sort them out OP.

This probably sounds quite horrible but all that turning up at each others houses all the time makes them all sound like a bunch of chavs .

You mentioned Lime Street station, so if you are in Liverpool I'll rephrase that to a bunch of scallies.

I too would find it exhausting but then I find most company exhausting these days!

You must be exhausted Op you should make use of the useless twunts & go find a nice quiet room/tent to sleep in

No not Chavs Sam. I'm working class and proud, Dp's family come from good stock so to speak.
Most are part of the Cheshire set and to be honest they are complete snobby twats.

Jesus wept. I'd pack up the kids, move away and not tell any of them where I'd gone - including DP!! There's not enough room under my patio for all those bodies!!

The key thing is yoyr dp unemployment, because he is available they feel they can drop in all of the time. Seriously tell him to get a job even if its a christmas job at homebase or something.

The odd thing that stood out was that they watched you eat your christmas meal, did you not invite them to share dinner. If that's the case, then that is inhospitable and I would be pissed off with my dh if he ate in front of my family and didn't ask them to share. I would think that he was a lazy selfish person if he couldnt extend hospitality to my family.

Do draw boundaries about visiting times and start to invite your family around as it is your house as much as his. Your post is coming across as slightly 'oh woe is me I can't invite my family around because of the ILs'. Take control and do it, my ILs don't like my family and I don't care I invitr them anyway. My ils can choose not to come if they wish. But do remember that how you behave towards your ils your kids will pick up and might repeat to them so don't discuss them in front of your kids. Also, remember that you too might become an in law oneday.

Raisah its not inhospitable if they weren't invited and turned up en masse anyway and refused to leave. Its downright bloody rude.

I think I'd be a bit pissed off with people turning up and expecting me to be doing drinks etc as soon as I walk through the door from work.

There is no worse feeling that not being at ease in your own home.

I don't think I would be offering Christmas dinner to people who just turned up either. Different if they were invited.