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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

According to FIL i am a selfish gobshite.

108 replies

cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 22:42

For the past month i have been really ill. I had food poisoning, then a kidney infection leading onto thrush (yey) .
Today i could barely get out of bed because i felt so weak.

FIL turned up and because i didn't get out of bed at 9:30 i am a selfish gobshite!
I had been up most of the night with DD with a sickness bug and it looks like i'm getting it too. Dp and fil just got into the car and went to bil's house where according to Dp they sat and discussed how i make them feel unwelcome in our home.

Over the past year Dp has lost his job an decided that he wants a year out (that's another thread)
My mother has escaped an abusive relationship which caused no end of trouble.
We found out that my brother was addicted to prescription drugs.
I practically had a nervous breakdown.

I work, Dp doesn't. He sits his butt on the couch and doesn't really do much. He'll wash the pots and make dinner every night but that's about it.
On my days off i clean the house because if i don't it won't get done.

MIL comes on a monday as soon as i get in from work, we get a long great but her waving a cup at me as i'm taking my work jacket off pisses me off.

Dps brother pops in every night for 10-30mins for no reason in particular. He likes to come at tea time with his family which i find annoying.

His nan visits every saturday night without fail. Even if we tell her we have plans she bangs on the door.

Fil insists on spending saturday sat on my couch. Literally the whole day. This is the only day i have with my family because i work every other day. So i have asked the family if they might leave us on our own on that day.

They have all turned on me and i am very upset. FIL said he has washed his hands of me and i am a selfish gobshite.
Please tell me aibu?

p.s. My family don't visit because dp's family are always here and they get made to feel like they shouldn't be here. Even christmas day all of Dp's family turned up and stayed all day and even watched us eat our lunch.

OP posts:
Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:22

No i won't be financing anything. We have family savings which he will use.
It was his money from before we met.

OP posts:
OhDearNigel · 07/09/2013 23:22

Fuck. That. Shit.

Seriously OP, if your FIL/in laws are washing their hands of you, i would put up the bunting, they sound hideous

Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:24

Dp's other nan is housebound and he looks after her a lot. I should point that out really.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/09/2013 23:24

Christ Almighty, so this expensive and demanding pet doesn't even give you a right good shagging ?

Oh deary me

Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:25

Only when he can be arsed Anyfucker, that's another thing we row over.

OP posts:
MadBusLady · 07/09/2013 23:26

Bloody, bloody hell, how do you stand this?? I've never heard of a whole family of cocklodgers before.

Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:28

Madbuslady - My mum and Mil keep me sane. If it wasn't for them i would go mental and end up in the paper for murder.

OP posts:
NoelHeadbands · 07/09/2013 23:29

I'm reassessing my initial statement. I give you six months, not a year.

Unless of course, you're one of those people who just need to be needed; the capable, dependable port in the storm

Ezio · 07/09/2013 23:30

OK, so far we know OP, you get fuck all out being with DP, apart from a meal.

You might aswell just employ a personal chef.

Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:31

Noel i have always been the one who has relied on Dp. It's weird and i don't like how our relationship has turned out. I'm 31 fgs.

OP posts:
daftdame · 07/09/2013 23:32

Wow if this was IL Bingo you've got Full House but no prize Sad. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Ham69 · 07/09/2013 23:38

Have you considered emigrating?

Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:40

Wish i could Ham!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 07/09/2013 23:41

You're 31? You have a very long life to lead and do you want it to be like this forever?

He is not going to make any changes while he doesn't have to.

RubyGoat · 07/09/2013 23:42

Wow. Just read this thread. I thought my PILs were bad. You are a bloody saint for not killing half of them already. I really feel for you OP. My DH lost his job several years ago & sat around watching TV, I work. He looks after DD but has just started college this term. We have had many, many rows about his parents behaviour. Wish I could offer some advice, you have my sympathy though. Hope your DH starts to realise how unreasonable they are being & how difficult it's making your relationship - does he realise that if you break up over his lack of support for you, there will be no 'year out' for him?

WhoDat · 07/09/2013 23:43

cooee might be time to have a long clear think on the dynamics of your relationship. It doesn't sound like it's working for either of you anymore, either you both commit to making it functional again (was it ever?) or I would start thinking very hard about starting again. You're young, employed, and clearly have the patience of a saint. No reason why you couldn't.

Buzzardbird · 07/09/2013 23:50

Bloody hell Op, your life sounds like a bad irish sitcom.
I would leave the lot of them and move somewhere with no door bell.
You need your space to feel well again...they sound like what I found earlier when I went bug finding with dd earlier and we picked up a plant pot to find 3 generations of wood louse underneath :(

Ham69 · 07/09/2013 23:50
Wine
Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:52

I feel better getting it all off my chest.
I have to go to bed now because i have work in the morning.
Thanks all.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/09/2013 23:56

So you've got it off your chest

Will anything change though ?

Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:57

Hopefully. I'm going to get this sorted if it kills me.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/09/2013 00:00

Good luck x

Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 08/09/2013 00:00

Thank you x

OP posts:
ihearsounds · 08/09/2013 00:12

Sit them all down, including the person man you live with.

Him, he has to get off his arse and help more. Either that or he gets a job. Clearly you don't need him, you seem to run the house without his help, remind him of this... Then tell him that because he is a wimp you are dealing with his family.

The fil, remind him that he is selfish. He is the one that is disturbing you. That comes all the time and wants to be there. No more. He can come once a month, at a time and day acceptable to you. Any crap and he will be told to leave.

The nan. Let her bang on the door. But she is told the same thing. You can come this time and this day. If she still wants to bang on your door, ignore her and continue your day.

Mil, she can wave her cup as much as she wants. Point her in the direction of the kettle and tell her that you want one as well.

Bil, answer the door, tell him no, not a convenient time and close door. Again he can come at acceptable time and date.

You can either grow a pair and tell them no, or you can continue to be a doormat. The choice is entirely yours... If the wimp wants to have so much input from his family, then he can deal entirely with them elsewhere.

None of them have the right to be in your home. THey cannot just walk in. They need to be invited in. If you let them in each time, then sorry but more fool you.

Ham69 · 08/09/2013 00:14

Yes, good luck from me too.

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