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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

According to FIL i am a selfish gobshite.

108 replies

cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 22:42

For the past month i have been really ill. I had food poisoning, then a kidney infection leading onto thrush (yey) .
Today i could barely get out of bed because i felt so weak.

FIL turned up and because i didn't get out of bed at 9:30 i am a selfish gobshite!
I had been up most of the night with DD with a sickness bug and it looks like i'm getting it too. Dp and fil just got into the car and went to bil's house where according to Dp they sat and discussed how i make them feel unwelcome in our home.

Over the past year Dp has lost his job an decided that he wants a year out (that's another thread)
My mother has escaped an abusive relationship which caused no end of trouble.
We found out that my brother was addicted to prescription drugs.
I practically had a nervous breakdown.

I work, Dp doesn't. He sits his butt on the couch and doesn't really do much. He'll wash the pots and make dinner every night but that's about it.
On my days off i clean the house because if i don't it won't get done.

MIL comes on a monday as soon as i get in from work, we get a long great but her waving a cup at me as i'm taking my work jacket off pisses me off.

Dps brother pops in every night for 10-30mins for no reason in particular. He likes to come at tea time with his family which i find annoying.

His nan visits every saturday night without fail. Even if we tell her we have plans she bangs on the door.

Fil insists on spending saturday sat on my couch. Literally the whole day. This is the only day i have with my family because i work every other day. So i have asked the family if they might leave us on our own on that day.

They have all turned on me and i am very upset. FIL said he has washed his hands of me and i am a selfish gobshite.
Please tell me aibu?

p.s. My family don't visit because dp's family are always here and they get made to feel like they shouldn't be here. Even christmas day all of Dp's family turned up and stayed all day and even watched us eat our lunch.

OP posts:
Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:06

He feels guilty Anyfucker. He moved in with Fil for two months because he was threatening all kinds of rubbish.
Dp is beside himself and i think he's on the verge of a breakdown.

OP posts:
NoelHeadbands · 07/09/2013 23:07

He wants his family to be able to come here as often as they want.

But that's not reasonable

Doha · 07/09/2013 23:08

Get shot of the DP he is a freeloader just like his family.He should not be taking a year off. Surely if it's not a mans job to clean the kitchen then it is not a woman's job to go out and be the breadwinner. twisted logic from your DP's dad. Note l don't call him FIL as you are luckily not legally tied to any of them.
You would have more peace and rest on your own with your DC's.
Can l ask who own's/rents the house

AgadorSpartacus · 07/09/2013 23:08

Fucking FIL needs his bluff calling pronto.

AnyFucker · 07/09/2013 23:08

Not guilty enough to stand up for the partner he is supposed to cherish ?

Not. Good. Enough.

There is a simple solution for your DP. Decide where his priorities lie.

acer12 · 07/09/2013 23:08

Fuck that!!
I had to make PIL feel uncomfortable here when me s Dh moved in as they would 'just pop by' any time from 6-10 pm! Just sat there watching telly nodding off!
FIL always rocked up on Sunday at 3 when I put dinner out so he ended up with one- in the end I stated cooking joint early and hiding it in oven. I wouldn't have minded so much but he likes to be waited on hand and foot.
Things come to a head when I was pregnant and I just started locking the front door and said to dh I needed peace and privacy now.

Embrace being selfish!!!!

Kormachameleon · 07/09/2013 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:09

I have said to have them here when i'm in work. I think that is reasonable.
Then i can have the night with the family. I want saturday with the family, i won't budge with that and Mil agree's. We get on great.

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 07/09/2013 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ · 07/09/2013 23:10

I am a straight talking woman and notknown for sugar coating buy YANBU!!

Viviennemary · 07/09/2013 23:11

Emigrate! I hear NZ is very nice. You need to get away. Just don't let them visit!

YellowDinosaur · 07/09/2013 23:11

If you're ill why were you up with your such dd rather than dp??

I'd second a lot of the others that the main problem is with your dh. If he's grown up with this he might not see what a load of cunts his family are but he does need to put you first. And if you're ill he needs to step up more than he is. Even if he was working fulltime I'd say this by the way.

Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:11

I pinned a note to the door one saying 'fuck off! this isn't a cafe'
Dp was fuming.

Dp has 3 brother and 2 sisters so you can imagine the traffic through my house.

OP posts:
Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:13

Yellow i was up already with my own illness so i thought i would let Dp sleep.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 07/09/2013 23:13

Your dp's father is a grown man and he can sort himself out.

You have been ill. I had a kidney infection years ago, when I was doing way too much and not being allowed time to heal from a previous infection. I nearly ended up in hospital.

Your dp needs to pull his weight.

Nanny0gg · 07/09/2013 23:14

DP is a decent bloke most of the time.

Really? When?

As a temporary measure, get your family round. Would they help you?

Your DP's family are dreadfully rude and he's encouraging it.

If he's that worried about his father, suggest he moves in with him...

Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:15

Youthecat i have ended up in hospital with one before. It's pain like i have never felt before.

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 07/09/2013 23:15

Fair enough op. Liking your note.

And agree with the poster who said its totally not reasonable for his family to come over whenever they want. You have the right to a family life that doesn't involve all of them. Even if they were the lovliest people in the world. But particularly because they are rude cunts to you in your own home.

Get that sign laminated.

DrCoconut · 07/09/2013 23:16

Just for the kidney infection you have my sympathy. I was hospitalised and signed off work for a month when I had one, they make you feel terrible. You WNBU to take to your bed for a week or two IMO if you can trust anyone with childcare.

Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:16

Dp's middle brother is great. He will call first because he knows what's going on.

OP posts:
Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:17

Drcoconut i have to work. If i don't we don't eat.
Dp is on about starting a business of some kind. I wish he would pull his head out of his arse and get in the real world.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/09/2013 23:20

he's currently that well known MN phenomenon known as a cocklodger, and his family are toxic hangers-on

AnyFucker · 07/09/2013 23:20

I really hope you are not going to finance his "business"

Original poster
cooeeyonlyme · 07/09/2013 23:21

Anyfucker. We'd have to have sex for him to be one of those.
Since he lost his job he has put on 5 stone. He eats all day.

OP posts:
iamadoozermum · 07/09/2013 23:21

"He wants his family to be able to come here as often as they want."

To me, that's all wrong - yes, you want them to feel that they can come over and feel welcome, but it needs to be when it is suitable and convenient for you, not just whenever they feel like it. Your DP needs to realise that you are his immediate family now and the house is your sanctuary, not an extension of everyone else's home. He is putting their wants and wishes above your needs when it should be the other way round.

Can you say that to him at all? If not, then maybe you need consider whether this relationship is viable into the future.

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