Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To be mad when I can smell mother in laws perfume on DD....

93 replies

Nottheperfectmum · 07/09/2013 21:27

I feel like I need someone to tell me to grow up! MIL is staying at the moment and apart from many other little annoyances every time she picks up DD she makes her smell of her very strong perfume...she is not here often but when she is she comes to stay for a week, during this time I am left to 'hang out' with her whilst DH goes to work.. She's very intense and I feel bad for finding her hard work but it really does drive me a bit loopy! Anyway rant over! Does anyone else have any similar issues or is it just me?

OP posts:

HarumScarum · 07/09/2013 22:02

I used to hate it too when DD smelled of my MIL's perfume (which is v cloying and not a smell I like). But what I was really cross about was all those helpful suggestions that I should feed her with formula so they could have her for a night and why was I being such an overprotective parent in not wanting her out of reach for a whole day/night when she was a FEW WEEKS OLD and I was still getting used to being a mother. So I don't think YA necessarily BU but it might be that the thing you are really cross about is not really the perfume.

MymbleBaratheonBendsTheKnee · 07/09/2013 22:04

YABU

HeffalumpTheFlump · 07/09/2013 22:04

Bogey - we have come to the decision to give them a chance to be gps. I've started threads about them before and been given some brilliant advice on here about setting ground rules and boundaries. Me and dh are very much on the same page and will make sure they never affect our baby with their toxicity. If they behave badly around her, then we are going nc.

Bogeyface · 07/09/2013 22:09

Good call Heffa if only because then you know you gave them a chance. It is good that you are both in agreement. Fingers crossed it works out but do be aware that they will probably start out fine and gradually get worse so dont be fooled into thinking that just because they were only a tiny bit worse than last time, it is ok. Got with your gut, every time.

elfycat · 07/09/2013 22:29

My NCT tutor remarked to me how well I let other people hold DD1 when she was a tiny (slightly prem) baby. She asked if I had a problem with smelling other people on my baby as she found it was quite common for mothers to hate that. It's all to do with the few instinctive things we humans cannot fail to pay attention to. Smell is hard-wired into memory, emotions, sense of belonging etc.

As it happens I liked to be able to smell MY DDs scent underneath other peoples' scents so it wasn't a problem for me. It seems like it's not something that bothered a lot of the MNers posting here. But it is one of the things that bother the OP and I can understand it.

YANBU if it's a scent thing that you would react to any strong perfume from anyone. Or if it is a scent you hate and you can't get past that I can't with vile perfume wearers

YABU, just a bit, if it's your MIL and there are other considerations at play. Drop the scent issue.

JedwardScissorhands · 07/09/2013 22:31

I agree the smell of a baby is quite a primal thing. I wash mine extra thoroughly when they smell of DM's perfume. It's just wrong.

mezza123 · 07/09/2013 22:44

I agree! I hate the smell of anyone's perfume on 6 mo DD. It seems so wrong! Why would they want to contaminate her perfection with their yucky artificial smell? (BO from my armpit is fine, obvs)

HeffalumpTheFlump · 07/09/2013 22:58

Thanks bogey :)

EugenesAxe · 07/09/2013 23:03

Not just you... but it's more about perfumes that I think are cloying and horrible than about exposure to chemicals. If DD/DS smelt of Deep Red, for example, it wouldn't bother me.

My DSis = good perfume
My DM = mostly OK, sometimes not so nice
My DSis' flatmate = urgh perfume
My MIL = urgh perfume (we bought her )

nicelyneurotic · 07/09/2013 23:11

YANBU. I hate this too. My baby smells lovely and I hate them stinking of yucky MIL perfume.

usualsuspect · 07/09/2013 23:19

I've read some things on MN, but this might just be the most ridiculous.

Yabu,very.

Aniseeda · 07/09/2013 23:20

Yanbu. I don't like perfume at all. I could live with it for short periods for the sake of a granny getting to spend time with her grandchild and would just look forward to giving baby a nice bath and washing her clothes once mil was on her way home!

I think a bigger issue is that I would struggle to be left to entertain my mil for a week while dh went to work. She's a lovely lady but we just don't have that much in common and I think we'd be driving each other mad by day two (same would apply if my dh found himself alone with my mum for any length of time!) Thankfully dh work is quite flexible so he could arrange to be around a fair bit when his parents came to stay and then, when DS1 was two, we moved near enough to them to not need to do overnighters anyway. For future visits, is there any way your dh could take a day or two off in the middle of the week? I know this isn't always possible.

OHforDUCKScake · 07/09/2013 23:29

Whaaat?!

no offense but your babe prob smells better with scent on her than babies that age do

OP its not just you.

When DS2 was born, a very lovely midwife took him for me for half hour before he cried for a boob while I slept because Id been awake for 2 days.

I was so grateful. She was so lovely. But my brand new, new born bany came back reeking of rose perfume.

It broke my heart. He smelled sweet, new and perfect. And she ruined that smell.

Smell is incredibly important to us (humans) wether it be bonding, recognition, warning.

Why we mask it is beyond me.

OHforDUCKScake · 07/09/2013 23:32

Also EXdp used to take our baby to see friends to give me a break. His friends wife who is lovely, wore a perfume that was awful. So potent. DS used to come home smothered in it where she had held him.

What was worse, taking away 'his' smell or smelling her perfume?

BlingBang · 07/09/2013 23:32

Might have annoyed me as I stopped wearing perfume and makeup when mine were babies as I hated the thought of them being covered in the smell and smeared with makeup.

YABU though it it's because it's your Mil and it's just another stick to beat her with.

OHforDUCKScake · 07/09/2013 23:34

Usualsuspect what is it about this thread that makes it the most ridiculous that you have 'ever read on MN'?

OHforDUCKScake · 07/09/2013 23:36

blingbling you just totally contradicted yourself!

You stopped wearing perfume for all the reasons the OP gave. Yet the OP was being unreasonable because the perfume wearer was her mother in law?

Chocolatehunter · 07/09/2013 23:36

I had a great aunty who used to pick me up from school and take me to her house until I was collected by my parents after work. How I LOVED my aunty, I used to go into her bedroom and spray all of her perfume all over me, use her beautifully displayed talcolm puff and try on all her shoes. My poor aunty used to have a small child riffling through her stuff almost daily and was so graceful about letting me. Leave your mil alone I say, your dd is probably loving the experience and will relish her time with her grandmother.

Footle · 07/09/2013 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlingBang · 07/09/2013 23:54

no, don't think so. What I wondered was if the OP wears perfume or if she reacts badly to other women (who she likes) wearing perfume and cuddling her baby. Or, if it's because it's the MIL that it's annoying.

DarylDixonsDarlin · 08/09/2013 01:10

Ha ha I was thinking about this recently - annoying is when your MIL makes the baby smell of her perfume, yet the perfume is one of your own personal favourites!

she admired my perfume, asked what it was, went out and bought herself some, now I can't use it anymore (we lived in same house at the time!)

Creeeeepy. But in a nice way I guess . I actually really like the smell of her current perfume, but I don't like to smell it on the DCs. I am thinking of a stealth mission to find out what it is, then buying myself some...

I always bath my baby and older DC when they are willing, if they smell of anything other than themselves or our house!

darksideofthemooncup · 08/09/2013 01:32

I adore my MIL but she does wear very strong perfume and when my dd was little I hated smelling it on her. What made it worse though was that I left a scarf at her house and when I got it back she had either been wearing it or had sprayed it with her perfume as it REEKED of it.In my postpartum craziness I decided that she had done it on purpose to make my dd love her more. Then I had a word with myself and put it straight in the wash

jammiedonut · 08/09/2013 04:50

I can see where your coming from, only because I hate the smell of strong perfume and mil just so happens to have a particularly harsh perfume that makes my throat scratchy. No-one else in close family wears perfume unless for a special occasion so it's really noticeable after ds has had lots of cuddles.
Doesn't make me mad or drive me loopy. SOunds like there's a little more to it really, being in close quarters probably doesn't help.

Chottie · 08/09/2013 05:03

Another mother of sons sad at all the MiL bashing surely some DiLs like their MiLs......

Dobbiesmum · 08/09/2013 08:24

Me too Chottie, I've had issues with MIL in the past but tbh she probably had a few with me too.
Mine used to wear quite a strong perfume that didn't really suit her and made half of us sneeze, so we put our heads together and found her a really nice subtle perfume that she loved and has now used for 10 years. Which smells a damn sight better on the family babies than the strong shite she used to wear!
The fact that the baby comes back to you smelling of grandma only means one thing, that your baby has been cuddled and shown affection from one of the people who should love her and care for her.
YABU, if this is just about smells then definitely YABU!

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread