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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's rude of DP not to introduce me when out

22 replies

bigcuplittlecupplasticglass · 07/09/2013 10:04

Went out last night, in one pub all of a sudden he went off talking to another bloke and left me stood on my own for ages until the actually asked who I was - only then did he have the decency to introduce me.

Later in another pub he bumped into another group of blokes and actually stood with his back to me chatting to them all. One of them walked around DP and held out his hand to shake and introduced himself (seemingly feeling awkward) - only then did DP say "oh yeah, this is my darling".

AIBU?

OP posts:

Katisha · 07/09/2013 10:05

V rude

WilsonFrickett · 07/09/2013 10:08

Did you ask him about it? I sometimes do this because am absolutely hopeless with names. Terrible. If I can't remember a name I figure it's less rude to not introduce. But DP is used to me now and will usually just introduce himself unless he wants to embarrass me

Of course if he did know all the names of everyone in the company, it would just be rude.

nomorecrumbs · 07/09/2013 10:41

Some people just don't have good social graces and it may be that your DP is one of these. He may never have been told that talking with your back to someone else is rude, for example, or how to introduce someone to a group.

Tell him outright what to do next time and how being excluded made you feel! That's what I do when DP is being hopeless (I'm quite used to taking charge and introducing myself before he's even had chance to greet his friends now)

BlueStones · 07/09/2013 10:52

Very bad manners. My best friend does this to me and it drives me batty that otherwise sensible people do not grasp that it's bloody RUDE!

frustratedashell · 07/09/2013 10:59

My ex used to do this a lot. Made me mad too! I was so tempted to offer a handshake and say "hi im sue, his bit on the side". But I wasn't brave enough. I mentioned it to him several times, no real improvement

cantdoalgebra · 07/09/2013 11:17

Unless your DP has a terrible memory for names and is embarrassed by it, perhaps he is uncomfortable with how to refer to you. He can't say wife and he may feel your relationship is such that "girl friend" is not appropriate. Perhaps you should ask him how he feels about calling you his partner - does he do this on other occasions to other people? If none of this seems likely, perhaps next time he does it you could simply interrupt his conversation with, "I see you are busy, I'll see you later back home" and leave.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 07/09/2013 11:19

Very rude.

eretrew · 07/09/2013 11:20

YABU why can't you introduce yourself?

BlueStones · 07/09/2013 11:31

We could indeed, eretrew - in fact I usually end up doing that! However, it is still rude on the part of the non-introducer.

redexpat · 07/09/2013 11:35

My DH does this. I've started saying 'darling aren't you going to introduce me?' because it tells him what to do without blaming him.

feebeecat · 07/09/2013 11:50

My Dh used to do this too. It was nothing to do with embarrassment or lack of social skills, I think he used to get so carried away talking he used to 'forget' me! Charming. He remembered me eventually of course, although I do recall a time or two when he turned around and I'd wandered off . . .
He doesn't 'forget' me anymore - no matter how hard he tries and if he does that really, really annoying thing of standing with his back to me I simply tell him (usually preceded by a swift kick). 23 years and he's getting the hang of it now

DoJo · 07/09/2013 12:22

If my husband hasn't introduced me within a relatively short space of time, I introduce myself as I know it means he has forgotten the name of the person he is talking to, but if he just didn't introduce me to someone whose name he clearly knew, I would be livid - so rude.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/09/2013 12:52

Do you live with this man or is he a new boyfriend? If the former, upbraid him for his rudeness and tell him to up his game, if a new boyfriend, ditch him.

But why on earth did you just stand there when he had his back to you? I'd have either inserted myself into the group or left him and gone home!

KristyThomas · 07/09/2013 12:58

YANBU! My DH does this too. I like the suggestion redexpat gave though - much better than my own embarrassing attempt to drop the hint! I was with DH and his colleagues and he didn't bother to introduce me, so I said to one of them "Do you know who I am?" whilst looking pointedly at DH. Of course, it was only AFTERWARDS that I realised how obnoxious/Z-list-celebrity-wannabe that must have made me look - mortified!

TheCatIsUpTheDuff · 07/09/2013 13:57

DH was a bugger for doing this last night, at a wedding evening do for friends of his that I've only met once or twice. Every one of the friends he forgot to introduce me to called him on it.

ReturnofSaturn · 07/09/2013 14:02

YANBU. That would rile me and I would say something to him about it. Even my friends introuduce me to people they know when out, so your partner definitely should!

marriedinwhiteisback · 07/09/2013 14:04

Dreadfully rude. My DH will always introduce me and be utterly polite but in a large group he's not so good at "working" a room so I tend to do that and have little chats and introduce anyone on their own to somebody else. DH then can chat technical boring stuff to people who are there to chat it but occasionally I have to rescue them and clear DH for someone else who wants to chat it. Usually corporate stuff though - I quite enjoy it DH finds it harder but he gets away with it because he knows his stuff.

That's why I love Mnet - I can say what I like rather than interjecting others when conversations chatter becomes marginally less than agreeable. Few people in rl know what I really think of them because I let them all think I think they're luffly. Sorry tangent time.

dirtyface · 07/09/2013 14:34

YANBU

dh is terrible for this

FUCKS me off

CharityFunDay · 07/09/2013 15:33

YADNBU, it's disgraceful manners to do this. I had a partner who used to do just this, and hold conversations with the people he had failed to introduce me to with me standing between them. He was a tosser in lots of other respects too, but this was the symptom that wound me up most often.

pigletmania · 07/09/2013 15:37

Yanbu it is very rude and I would have tod him so. I also would not have sat saying nothing, I would have introduced my self, do you not have a voice!

ziggiestardust · 07/09/2013 15:41

YANBU, but I'd have showed him up by walking up to who he was talking to and saying 'ill introduce myself, shall I?! Hello X, my name is X. I'm with DP. How are you?' And carry on making small talk for a few minutes.

Make your point, and hammer it home.

AcidNails · 07/09/2013 15:49

Erm I think it depends. If you were in a group and he broke away to speak to someone else then not rude. If it were the 2 of you and he left to talk to others, leaving you stood like a Muppet then that's obviously not ok!!

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