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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have taken kids to visit brother

35 replies

epic78 · 06/09/2013 20:06

On one of the final days of the school holidays I took our dc to visit my brother. I admit I had seen him earlier in the holidays too but it has been a rough year due to a family bereavement.
Dh got really ranty about this. Basically moaning that
"this was another day where nothing gets done in the house and that I shouldd do my job during the week so we can have family time at the weekend"
I accept that as a sahm I should do all the childcare and as much housework as possible during the day whilst dh is at work.
However, surely a day out in the school holidays comes under this remit.
Incidentky I also do bulk of chikdcare and housework evenings and weekends too .
Aibu to have got really upset with him over this.

OP posts:
MaBumble · 06/09/2013 20:09

Does he want you to start clocking in and out too? Is he always this controlling?

You job if you are are a stay at home mum, is to look after the kids.

Not be chained to the house, doing his bidding.

What does he do around the house in the evenings and weekends? Or is that his 'quality time'?

waltzingmathilda · 06/09/2013 20:10

Is your house a pit?

ProjectGainsborough · 06/09/2013 20:11

Nope. That sounds pretty U. Is he like this all the time or was he in a bad mood?

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/09/2013 20:12

"I admit I had seen him earlier in the holidays too" No. You are acting like you have to answer to your DH about visiting family. Tell him to go fuck himself. He isn't your boss and you had the kids with you so you are doing your 'job' anyway.

Mabelface · 06/09/2013 20:13

As you are an adult, no one has the right to dictate where and when you go anywhere. He is being a controlling arse who doesn't want you to go anywhere without him. You should be more than upset, you should be steamingly angry.

CaptainSweatPants · 06/09/2013 20:13

Your Dh sounds a twat
Sorry

Sirzy · 06/09/2013 20:14

He is an arse.

Who does he think he is to dictate who you visit and when?

MisForMumNotMaid · 06/09/2013 20:17

YANBU. It sounds rather disrepectful of your role and lacking in understanding f whats involved in running a household and doing all the childcare.

I think an overnight in a spa would compensate with him getting the washing, ironing done and running the DC to their activities.

Snapespeare · 06/09/2013 20:17

He sounds like he wants to shut down support outside your immediate family unit. Do you have parents? How is he with them? (Apologies if that was your bereavement.)

And absolutely what mabumble said.

WafflyVersatile · 06/09/2013 20:18

YANBU

HIBU

During the hours he is out of the house working or commuting childcare and some housework around this is your job. When he gets home and at weekends childcare and housework is both your jobs. Part of your childcare responsibilities is getting the kids out of the house during the summer holidays.

CHJR · 06/09/2013 20:19

"Nothing gets done in the house" for one day? Do you live in Buckingham Palace or does someone have wildly out of whack expectations? In our house it would be eminently possible to have a day to visit family in the week and still do some family time at the weekend! But I am a layabout, I admit...

StanleyLambchop · 06/09/2013 20:22

Taking the children out during the holidays absolutely counts as 'doing your job'. Or does he want the poor children to sit in the house amusing themselves whilst you are tied to the housework? Does he not want them to enjoy their holiday? I would tell him where to stuff the housework. YANBU in any sense .

Squitten · 06/09/2013 20:27

Your DH sounds like a controlling arse.

Taking kids out and about in the holidays is part of your job! You sound guilty for seeing your own brother - so what if you'd seen him before?

What exactly does he do around the house? I'm guessing sweet FA...

Original poster
epic78 · 06/09/2013 20:27

Thank you. Sadly my parents have passed away. He got on ok with them when alive but tbh he didn't see alot of them.
Bereavement was a cousin.
The house is not a pit. Although at times it is untidy and cluttered due to toys etc. Laundry also an issue with a family of 5.
He does occasionally load dishwasher at weekend and cook odd weekend meal. Also does diy and garden but thats about it.
I also do virtually all baby care 24/7 as still waking at night.
Not impressed at the moment tbh.

OP posts:
Mamafratelli · 06/09/2013 20:28

So you are supposed to stay in cleaning all day? Is your house in a real state or is he just a complete idiot.

Snapespeare · 06/09/2013 20:31

So very sorry for the loss of your parents and your cousin. He knows that means he and the children is all you have in terms of family. I suspect he thinks your world should revolve around him?

StanleyLambchop · 06/09/2013 20:32

The house is not a pit. Although at times it is untidy and cluttered due to toys etc.

The school holidays are only just over. Most parents will be in the same boat. You wait until school gets back, then start on the tidying. Standards have to slip during the holidays. It is no big deal to a reasonable person!

Sirzy · 06/09/2013 20:38

So does he seriously expect you to stay in all day every day cleaning?

WafflyVersatile · 06/09/2013 20:40

How many weekday days out did you have over the holidays? And how old are your DC?

Original poster
epic78 · 06/09/2013 20:43

Probably about 7 full days and bits and pieces here and there. Dc are 9 6 and 1

OP posts:
Original poster
epic78 · 06/09/2013 20:44

Well fullish days.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 06/09/2013 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

runningonwillpower · 06/09/2013 20:47

Fucking hell.

Just that.

Sirzy · 06/09/2013 21:07

So one day a week. The poor kids must have been going crazy let alone anything else.

upanddown83 · 06/09/2013 21:45

That is not a nice way to live a friend of mine recently left my house in the middle of an afternoon visit to go home and hang out the washing as her dp would have given her a hard time if it wasn't done!
I couldn't believe or understand it the only time my dp mentions housework or the mess of the house is when he can't fit anything else in the laundry basket Grin or he falls over the kids toys (I tell him to look where he is going)
Yes you are a sahm but you are not a cleaner or housekeeper!