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AIBU?

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Original poster

That you should of helped

246 replies

bongobaby · 06/09/2013 14:08

Was running 10 minutes late past school pick up time and rang my friend to ask if it would be okay
If my dc could stop at her house til I got there to collect him from her house. She said no,she was going out and couldn't, fair enough.
Anyway I got to the school and no sign if him, I got held up at a hospital appointment that over ran when it shouldn't of as it was at 1.50 pm so plenty of time I thought to get back.
I got a call a disgruntled call from my friend to say that dc had turned up at her house.
Turns out that her husband opened the door and wouldn't let my dc in as he thought that I had sent my dc round there and then her husband said that my friend was out. But my dc heard her from the kitchen talking.
My dc asked if he could get her to ring me and tell me that he was there.
I know that I was in the wrong for not being there on time , but I would never do that to a child who had the good sense to go to a friend for help in this situation.

OP posts:
kmc1111 · 06/09/2013 20:48

I don't understand why your DS would wander off to a friends place for 'help' if you were only 10-15 minutes late. If he'd been waiting an hour, had gotten someone at school to ring you and gotten no answer, then it would make sense. But he's old enough to assume you've just got caught in traffic or held up if you aren't there right when he walks out the gate. I don't understand what he thought he needed help with, or why he would go straight to this friends. You say you're rarely if ever late and this friend does you no favours, so why would he immediately go to her if that's not a regular thing. Surely at that age the usual response would be to wait at least ten minutes then talk to a teacher. If he's going to wander off every time you're a few minutes late you have a problem.

I understand your friends annoyance. You asked, she said she was unavailable, your DS showed up anyway and she made the reasonable assumption that you ignored her saying no and told him to go to her house anyway. She obviously didn't want to tell you her reasons for saying no, and she shouldn't have to. She knew from your earlier call that you were on your way, she contacted you to say he'd come to hers. So your son had to wait outside for a few minutes, hardly a hardship. You don't seem alarmed by the fact he wandered off to this friends house alone, so the fact he had to wait outside the house shouldn't be a problem.

As for the lying, your friend obviously doesn't want to tell you her reasons. Which is fair enough. Last week I had a miscarriage, and I told a ton of lies to get out of various things. I'm still putting people off with half-truths. There are so many reasons why someone might lie about the things she did. Even if it's just that she'd had a shit day and didn't need an intrusion, frankly her reasons are none of your business.

MissStrawberry · 06/09/2013 20:52

You really should have told your son what to do in the case of you ever not getting to school in time.

I assume you have now told him not to ever go to this person's house again?

Capitola · 06/09/2013 20:55

Yy to PopiusTartius.

I'm sitting on my hands too.

usualsuspect · 06/09/2013 20:56

I hope your hands go so numb you can't type then.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 06/09/2013 20:57

There is obviously something going on here with the family or why would they have their kids in after school club when both are at home during the day. Yes - they obviously lied but it may be that whatever it is is intensely personal and they don't want to discuss it with you (or your 9 year old!) They are not obliged to just because you asked them a favour.

So I don't think they have behaved badly today.

Whether they are generally a good friend is another issue.

usualsuspect · 06/09/2013 20:58

Or you could always start a thread,sneering at other posters mistakes.

I mean we don't get many of them do we?

HaroldLloyd · 06/09/2013 21:02

No matter who is at fault, how cheeky it is, what the OP should or should not OF done, I wouldn't leave a child standing on a doorstep. It's not his fault, take it up with the mum later.

I'm sitting on my hands about people sitting on their hands about grammar.

MrsDavidBowie · 06/09/2013 21:23

What has it got to do with the PTA?
They have nothing to do with decision making in the school.

Original poster
bongobaby · 06/09/2013 21:23

I'm being taken the piss out of for my poor Grammar on here. Shocking to feel picked on for it.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 06/09/2013 21:27

MrsDavidBowie - ??

usualsuspect · 06/09/2013 21:27

Just ignore 'em, Bongo.

Makes them feel superior.

Listentomum · 06/09/2013 21:29

Ignore bongo, it's is often the case when another poster really is clutching at straws they pullout the grammar card. It shows they have no real argument.

MrsDavidBowie · 06/09/2013 21:35

Someone mentioned up thread about telling the PTA.

claudedebussy · 06/09/2013 21:37

well i wouldn't be too quick to help her out in future. she's not much of a friend going by what you're saying...

PurpleGirly · 06/09/2013 21:38

OP I would be angry that I had told my friend I couldn't collect their child and the child turned up anyway, which would suggest that friend had ignored this and not found any alternatives.

Of course I would help the child but I would not call the friend a friend anymore for ignoring my answer. I would be angry to put on hold anything that I had planned because someone else had messed up.

LolaCrayola · 06/09/2013 21:39

Your son didn't have good sense to go to his friends house. If he was demonstating good sense, he would have stayed at school. Why on earth didn't you phone the school? He is year 5 and plenty old enough to make his own way home, but why not just phone school so they can let him know. Your friend probably was going out, I wouldn't have been too happy if he had just turned up after telling you it wasn't convenient. She probably also just expected you would phone the school if you really were only 10 mins late.

somersethouse · 06/09/2013 21:40

OP, WHY DID YOU NOT PHONE THE SCHOOL?

usualsuspect · 06/09/2013 21:43

Her DS didn't know her mate had said no.

phantomnamechanger · 06/09/2013 21:59

the fact that the son does not ordinarily go to this friends after school or get picked up by her, makes it look even more like his mum TOLD him too, even if it is just a coincidence.

and 10 mins late is nothing - our school would not even be ringing you by then OP! BUT given that it is usual for him to start walking to meet you, it was wrong of you not to tell the school to stop him doing so.

MrsDavidBowie - PTA indeed an odd suggestion in that case! I thought you may have posted on the wrong thread!

HaroldLloyd · 06/09/2013 21:59

Ignore them Bongo, it's petty and childish.

They wouldn't do it in real life I bet.

cushtie335 · 06/09/2013 22:04

HaroldLloyd. I doubt very much that many would say in "RL" what they would in RL so your petty argument is pretty redundant. Hows about you give it a rest?

HaroldLloyd · 06/09/2013 22:07

I think it's weird to come on here to get your little kicks pulling someone's grammar apart.

cushtie335 · 06/09/2013 22:09

IRONY KLAXON!!!!

usualsuspect · 06/09/2013 22:09

Me too.

I can't see any reason to do it, unless it's to try and make the poster who made the mistake look stupid.

HaroldLloyd · 06/09/2013 22:10

Oh cute you've got an irony klaxon as well as a grammar buzzer.