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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ditch an invite from a friend because a better offer has come up?

54 replies

Mintyy · 05/09/2013 22:21

This is a wwyd really .

Friend A, who lives locally and who I see to say hello to a couple of times a week and have a proper catch-up with a couple of times a month, has invited me and dh to local drinks in a few weeks time with a load of other people. I have said yes thank you, lovely.

Friend B, who I have known for 20 years longer than friend A, but who lives an hour away and who I see every four to six months, has invited me to a meal out with other older friends who I don't see often, on the same day, but this invite was received after friend A's invitation.

Wwyd?

OP posts:

Numberlock · 05/09/2013 22:23

ImagineJL · 05/09/2013 22:25

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 05/09/2013 22:25

I'd be honest with Friend A. If she's like me she won't mind. Like you say, you see her all the time.

themaltesefalcon · 05/09/2013 22:26

Sorry.

But it's only manners.

CeliaLytton · 05/09/2013 22:27

B but tell friend A why you are backing out.

farrowandbawl · 05/09/2013 22:27

B but explain to A. Make sure she knows you are not blowing her out for a better offer, and that it's only because you don't see this other friend very often at all.

hillyhilly · 05/09/2013 22:27

You already have plans for that night.

Snoopingforsoup · 05/09/2013 22:28

What Farrow said.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/09/2013 22:29

RoonilWazlibWuvsHermyown · 05/09/2013 22:29

Go to friend Bs thing but explain it to friend A.

CeliaLytton · 05/09/2013 22:29

Also think it depends on the situation, if you and friend A had arranged a day just the two of you it would be different, but casual drinks, fine. I guess because I would not mind if someone explained this situation to me.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 05/09/2013 22:31

Or like I said.:o

BoozyBear · 05/09/2013 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CreatureRetorts · 05/09/2013 22:33

Not sure. I'd probably say A then make plans with B for another day.

Thurlow · 05/09/2013 22:34

It's not nice to ditch A. But it's understandable why you want to do it.

I'm not a nice person sometimes so I would explain to A why you want to decline the invite now, but dress it up that you haven't seen B in, like, 2 years.

Or had 'food poisoning' on the night...

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/09/2013 22:35

Is there a reason why you can't arrange to see your old friends another day when you don't have plans?

Dancergirl · 05/09/2013 22:38

I can't believe all these people saying B!

The correct answer is A, anything else is just plain rude. Doesn't matter what the circumstances are. If you accept an invitation you stick to it unless you're ill.

OP, apologise to friend B, say you can't make it as you already have plans. An hours not THAT far away, can you not arrange to see her sooner than 4 months away?

penguinplease · 05/09/2013 22:41

Stick with A, especially if you see her more often, the snub might offend and to lose a friend you have in your day to day life is going to affect you more than missing out on a night with friend B.

Yonihadtoask · 05/09/2013 22:47

Can you do both?

Drinks with A, then on for dinner later with B ??
Explaining to both A and B why you are leaving early/arriving late.

If not, then I say A .

Original poster

Mintyy · 05/09/2013 22:48

Oh boo! I'd much rather go out with friend B. She means an awful lot more to me.

OP posts:

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/09/2013 22:58

Do you mean that much to her if you so rarely see her and are so desperate to drop everything as soon as she calls?

Original poster

Mintyy · 05/09/2013 23:01

Yes, I think I mean a lot to friend B if that is what you are asking. We have been friends for 32 years. But its not that easy to get a group of us together at the same time as we don't live close to each other.

OP posts:

CeliaLytton · 05/09/2013 23:01

I answered what would you do. I know what you should do, which is always honour a commitment, but personally I appreciate how difficult it is to keep up with different groups of friends and would not mind if a friend did this to me.

Would always teach DC to honour arrangement, eg not ditch one party for another, but also to try and value all their friends and make a big effort to see them all.

The answer to this will depend very much on what people do within their own circle of friends.

usualsuspect · 05/09/2013 23:05

You can see your local friend anytime.

Ireallymustbemad · 05/09/2013 23:05

B but explain to A. Make sure she knows you are not blowing her out for a better offer, and that it's only because you don't see this other friend very often at all.

But the point is you would actually be blowing her out for a better offer surely?

I don't know what I would do in reality. I tend to stick with commitments as I hate people who commit then pull out, but it depends on the personalities of a and b and how they would take it.

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