to ditch an invite from a friend because a better offer has come up?

[Mintyy]

This is a wwyd really .

Friend A, who lives locally and who I see to say hello to a couple of times a week and have a proper catch-up with a couple of times a month, has invited me and dh to local drinks in a few weeks time with a load of other people. I have said yes thank you, lovely.

Friend B, who I have known for 20 years longer than friend A, but who lives an hour away and who I see every four to six months, has invited me to a meal out with other older friends who I don't see often, on the same day, but this invite was received after friend A's invitation.

Wwyd?

It sounds like you were presented with the date for the night out as a fait accompli and not consulted on what dates suited.

B. Explain to A and offer to take her to lunch.

I would ask A if she minded if you rearranged and explain you don't see B often.

b but explain to A why youre ditching her

"You can see your local friend anytime."

Unless she doesn't like people who pull out of plans because they got a "better" offer and doesn't include you next time.

Which might well be worth it to you.

It kind of comes across that she's just someone to hang out with locally that you don't really care about much.

B but explain to A

A is a group anyway so you wont be missed as such !

I used to sing a song when I was a child -
'Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver but the other gold'

If I were friend A, I'd be telling you to not be so daft & to catch up with B et al...come & have drinks with me another time.

I'd appreciate a 'heads up' so I didn't over-cater &/or could invite friend C, maybe, who I'd not invited due to numbers, so wouldn't appreciate you pulling a sicky, but an honest 'I haven't seen B all year & X & Y will be there' - gosh yes, go!

In fact, I'd much rather a real friend did that than turned up at mine out of duty or etiquette, tbh. If I found out later I'd feel crap that they felt obliged to come to mine but didn't really want to.

I'd normally agree that you should stick with the original arrangement BUT in this case sounds like A is a casual thing with loads of people in the pub and B is a rarer occasion so I would tell A the situation and meet B. if I was A I wouldn't mind at all.

Yes, I think if I were friend A I wouldn't want my friend to come to my thing and miss out on seeing her friend B.

In other instances I might be fucked off but in this I don't think I'd mind if I was A. It's not like it was a rare night out with elusive babysitter secured and just me and you.

A

Surely the very definition of a friend is a person who wants you to be happy, so friend A is not a friend unless she's happy for you to see B...
So see B, she's either happy for you, or she's not a friend.

You should tell her why though.

B

B, just ask A if she minds switching dates.

If i was friend A i would totally understand why you wanted to call off and go see friend B. The drinks with friend A involves 'loads of people'. They won't miss you.

I would totally understand if I were friend a. Just say to a that you don't see b very often and would she (a) mind awfully if you rearrange.

I'd be totally fine with this.

B. You can see A anytime. I would be very annoyed if I had to miss my only chance to see B for six months because A (who I see all time) insisted on going for drinks in three weeks time

If I was A (and I have been), I wouldn't mind at all if you explained, and would encourage you to see B instead.

B. with an explanation and rearrange the date for A.

B but explain to A

A casual 'everyone to tr pub' with local friends isn't such a big deal to back out of in order to have a meal with old friends. I would explain and apologise though.

I wouldn't be annoyed if I was friend A in this situation and you went to B as long as you were honest

B but explain to A. She won't mind I am sure.

If I was A I wouldn't mind if I had a few weeks notice.
I like the idea of going for lunch with A instead.