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Original poster

To have smiled sweetly and said nothing to this school bully

515 replies

DrinkFromMyFountain · 05/09/2013 14:55

14 years ago I left school. There was one girl who made my life hell, said a load of nasty things about me and told me I would never amount to anything. She also said I'd end up single and Childless at 30 working in a shop. (NB I see nothing wrong with this, but it was meant in a horrible, nasty, put downy way). This was amongst various other things she said and did to try to make my life a misery.

This morning I took my car to the car wash and saw her working there washing cars.

I ordered my car wash for my naice car with my baby DS in the back and said "fancy seeing you here". She made a grimace of a face and carried on with her work.

Karma you beauty.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 05/09/2013 18:56

I don't really get the gloating either. When my elementary school bully got pregnant at 16 I certainly didn't gloat, but even my mother thought I should.

JenaiMorris · 05/09/2013 18:57

Bad things happen to people who are nasty. They also happen to lovely people, too.

It's nothing to do with karma.

The vile bullies at school had parents who were vile bullies and/or generally shit. It stands to reason that their outcomes are pretty dire (thinking here of the thug who is still a junkie in her 40s, and the pretty queen bee who ended up looking miserable bedraggled, aged and bitter, several snot-nosed children in tow, by 22). It's sad.

Having said that, her at college who looked like the Girl from Ipenema and took pleasure in poaching other girls' beaus looks about 60 now, which, at 40, made me Grin (assuming it was indeed her I saw in Morrisons and not her mum).

belatedmaybe · 05/09/2013 18:58

I can't quite get my head round this thread. For the record the poster who mentioned morbidly obese specified that they don't gloat.

I had a career in finance, was doing very well working from the bottom up and was in the middle of taking my exams to make a huge leap up the ladder. Sadly I was made redundant, totally not something I could help or predict. Applying for new jobs in the same field turned out to be hell. Because I had started my exams I was over qualified for my old job, because I didn't have them yet I was under qualified for the next job... After 18 months it became clear that excellent references and a good work ethic were getting me no where.

I took a care work job working nights as I couldn't do any other hours. To keep my family (single parent) I also take jobs cleaning, gardening, dog walking, decorating - in fact anything that will pay. I will have to do this until I have the time and energy to re start my career -not soon. I often look stressed, I am always rushing and frequently dress badly (who dog walks in the rain in armani?) However I am not unhappy, I don't feel I have failed, I don't consider my position lowly but someone taking a passing glance as I bezz through life may think that.

What I am trying to say is a snapshot is not enough to be able to tell where someone is in life. For all you know your bullies could be fantastically happy with their lot.

summerbreezer · 05/09/2013 19:04

We shouldn't judge others by job, body type, wealth etc..

But the point is that is what the bullies themselves used to judge others on.

So when they fall foul of their own shallow standards, we should be allowed some satisfaction.

HorryIsUpduffed · 05/09/2013 19:06

I've worked in a chocolate shop on Christmas Eve. The run-up to Christmas is generally fine, if busy, but Christmas Eve customers were always stressed, demanding and entitled. Particularly those after 3pm or so, when we were obviously a last resort, and plenty of people came in then with a rather grim expression and no bags, and bought all their presents in one go.

One year, Christmas Eve fell on a Sunday. We closed at 4pm and cashed up promptly so as to be able to bugger off ASAP and get drunk. The number of people who would bang on the windows in horror that we dared close before they'd finished their Christmas shopping... Hmm and some decidedly unseasonal language too.

Back on topic, I think in the specific situation where someone has bullied you by saying "you will be x and I will be y" or "you are x therefore you are worthless" and you encounter them years later when they are x and you are y, regardless of what x and y are, you're going to have a little "ner ner" moment.

pigletmania · 05/09/2013 19:13

Oooo I love Stories like this, I used to be bullied in primary school, I moved away from the area when I went to uni, nit sure what happened to the bullies. One bully when I was 7 weed on me, wish I kicked him in th nuts. I still feel embarrassed abut it 29 years later

cantspel · 05/09/2013 19:14

From my experience the children who were doing the putting down and bullying at school were more likely the ones's who came from a troubled home life. And there pushing their weight around with other kids was the only control they had over their own lives.

I am sure i wasn't so understanding when i was a child trying to avoid them but i am no longer that child and i can look upon their behaviour with more mature eyes and see they are more deserving of my pity than my hate.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 05/09/2013 19:14

"I was doing last minute bargain-grabbing shopping on Christmas Eve with lovely DH at the Asda nearest my parents' house several years ago.

Karma gave me an early present in the form of one of my school bullies working the checkouts on what must have been a pretty miserable shift.... "

Doesn't tally with...

"I don't think anyone here is looking down on any particular job.

The point is that a bully made them feel worthless and miserable at some point in their life, and they then found themself happy with their life and being 'served' by that person, i.e. they were in control when they had none before. It's normal to feel happy about this and lay the ghost to rest so to speak."

No-one has laughed that their bully has had to stitch their wound in A&E or opened them a mortgage in a bank. It's a very specific kind of sneering reserved for people in retail or similar industries.

I work in retail and could wipe the floor with a lot of people in a lot of things. My job reflects on nothing other than my need for flexible hours and my lack of desire for a career.

Please stop pretending that these people's jobs aren't being mocked. It's very patronising.

LeGavrOrf · 05/09/2013 19:16

My daughter has a nice story.

She was terribly bullied at school. In a PSHE lesson they were talking about gay people, we have family members who are lesbians, and dd said that it's normal and gay people are no different than anyone else. Some kids pounced on that, called dd a lesbian, and because she was a sporty and not girly called her a butch bitch and all sorts, there were a group of kids who would push her down the stairs, laugh and sneer at her. Just sustained bullying. It was a horrible time and the school was useless.

She left the school in the end and still, 4 years on she can't bear to back to the village of her old school.

However, 6 months ago one of the bullies messaged dd on Facebook with a heartening apology, saying that she had just come out as a lesbian and she was ashamed of how she bullied dd, and asked to meet up for a coffee to say so in person. Dd went and met her and felt very pleased that the girl had apologised.

LeGavrOrf · 05/09/2013 19:18

Dd works in Asda and some customers speak to them like absolute shit.

cantspel · 05/09/2013 19:20

I work in retail afer having a career that didn't fit in with my family life. lovely to think people are looking down on me as i would rather work family friendly hours and earn enough for what we need that try to juggle family and work. I work with people who have degrees and others who dont have any qualifications. Neither is better than the other.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/09/2013 19:20

I don't give the people who bullied me at school a second thought, see them occasionally.

Yabu to feel smug about it. What she's doing with her should really have no bearing on yours 10+ years on.

pigletmania · 05/09/2013 19:20

It's not the type of job, or ifestyle, it's that te bullies made their vctim feel worthless like rubbish, and it's good to know they are comeuppance

pigletmania · 05/09/2013 19:21

People's Opinions are for tat bully(s) only and no directed at those working at said occupations etc

pigletmania · 05/09/2013 19:23

Op has a right to feel smug if she wants my goodness me

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/09/2013 19:23

But it is directed at the occupations. It is disingenuous to say otherwise.

I don't think it's particularly healthy to be so gleeful about such things.

Nobody would be writing "haha my old bully is just an associate solicitor, has never got even close to partner" would they.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/09/2013 19:24

She asked was she being unreasonable pig - I answered the question as is my right.

Ezio · 05/09/2013 19:25

This thread has reminded me of Ricki Lake show, when people who were bullied at school, got their bullies on the show, to make them see how amazing and beautiful they are, when the bully mostly didnt give a rats arse.

cantspel · 05/09/2013 19:26

But you dont know why these people are now working these jobs.

The woman working in the car wash and looking like shit might have gone on to good things but suffered a breakdown due to the loss of a child/ have mental heath problems/ be a single parent trying to earn enough to support her family. You dont know what has gone on in someones life for them to reach the point they are now at.

pigletmania · 05/09/2013 19:26

Yes of course Alisvo but it's op right to feel smug, we ave a right to feel what we want and not be controlled by thers

pigletmania · 05/09/2013 19:27

Hug a bully day on mumsnet tonight

Celadorthepinksequineddragon · 05/09/2013 19:27

MarmaladeTwatkins, thanks for responding to my post. I have no intention at all to be patronising, but I do disagree with you.

If a person is put 'in control' for want of a better expression, it will generally be because the other person is working in the service industry. I can't definitively speak for others on this thread but genuinely believe the focus is on putting themself back in control rather than looking down on anyone.

For what it's worth, I have worked in retail, behind a bar and stacking shelves - exactly the kind of roles you believe i'm being patronising about - they stopped DH and I from starving and I am grateful for everyone of those roles Smile.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/09/2013 19:28

Yes pig we have a right to feel whatever we feel. However the op asked was she unreasonable and I think she was.

I think snobbery about people's jobs is particularly unpleasant and demonstrates an immature attitude.

Maggietess · 05/09/2013 19:37

On an aside, I came across a giek recently who had been an horrific awful bully at my school, I was terrified of her.

Bumped into her recently and she seemed like a really lovely person, admitting "god I'm surprised you spoke to me if you remember me from school, I was a bitch".

She then went on to explain what a crap time she'd been having at home (awful back story actually) , how much she wasn't able for academic work but how getting in to the right job (nail technician) had been the making of her.

She didn't remember me at all needless to say but she's now very successful running a chain of her own nail bars... I should have been jealous but actually she seems kind of nice and I was glad for her...

(realise that most of the bitches were probably just bitches but this encounter kind of let me get over the memory of her bullying if this makes any sense??)

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/09/2013 19:38

I would like my bullies to feel the same pain that I felt then, and still feel now. I'd like them to imagine how it feels to be suicidal at 14 because of the behaviour of little shits at school - to imagine how they'd feel if it was their child being bullied and feeling so desperate.

I want them to know how much damage they have done to my life. I expect this makes me a bad person.