school crack down on hair colour

[mrsfuzzy]

new school year and problems already! ds is 14 and like a lot of girls her age experiments with her hair, for the first time during the school hols she tried a semi permanent raspberry colour on her red hair [god knows why- ex p let her do it] anyhow i was cool with that as it doesn't look that obvious, as she washes it it becomes less obvious, however school are cracking down on these things make up, uniform etc as they did last year, but she brought a note home yesterday saying to remove the dye or steps will be taken, i wasn't fazed by this as each wash reduces the colour, but how do people 'get away' with flouting the rules about such things one girl has dyed her hair jet black with blue streaks over the hols and mum told me she is not going to remove the colour for anyone, one lad keeps one side of his head shaved in spite of repeated warnings, mum says she ignores them, i accept the school policy that's not the problem but aibu to wonder why it seems the 'easy targets get picked on' to set an example? any thoughts or similar experiences anyone?

Of course discretion should be exercised, in much the same way a child may not be impeccably dressed because their parents cannot afford to buy new, power the iron etc and so consideration should be made.
I know I thrive on routine, and were I to attend a school with a relaxed attitude I wouldn't have done nearly as well as I did. It's all swings and roundabouts really. I just wanted to say that for every parent who thinks rules about uniform/ hair colour are silly, there are others who believe, and have seen the effects that prove they can be useful. Likewise, the children you mention in your post, who would crack under the stress of conforming to the rules (not those with SEN), would certainly be helped if their parents simply didn't allow them to dye their hair in the first place and not enable them to be targeted!

Valium Its not always a matter of simply not liking though, it can be finding the uniform genuinely (physically) difficult to deal with.

I am sure a lot of children with fine motor skills difficulties would rather not have these difficulties. Yes, I would let them leave shirts un tucked under jumpers, but that's not zero tolerance is it?

My point isn't against uniform but against 'zero tolerance' policies because there is always the need to exercise discretion to avoid discrimination against extenuating circumstances.

It is easier and kinder to exercise discretion than have each extenuating circumstance documented, listed and reviewed because simply having to do this can single children out (which would be a shame for very minor things such as Velcro shoes). Also because this requires so much cumbersome paperwork it can be out of date almost before it is written.

jammiedonut As a parent I would not encourage my DC to do something against the rules. It is more that a 'zero tolerance' atmosphere can be quite highly charged, multiple inspections and so on.

A child could become worried (stressed) about an accidental infringement they are unaware of, such as incorrect tie, un-tucked shirt, unpolished shoes or a child could be sent to school in plain black 'trainers' because their others have split etc. Other children being told off publicly only adds to all the drama.

Ok my gob is now officially smacked....

DD has come home for lunch with a letter. As I mentioned above some bright spark has decided to issue year 11 with their own, different ties. DD was given her tie this morning along with a letter.

The letter states that should DD misbehave, flaunt dress rules etc the tie will be removed and a lower year tie issued.
WTF?

So, should a child fall foul of the school rules they will remain wearing a different tie, singled out amongst their peers for ridicule?

She's been to her Nans for lunch so letter is there at present (it was read to me over the phone by my equally gobsmacked Mum) but I shall transcribe in full later. I almost feel like starting my own AIBU for this one alone!

CharlieHunnamsOldLAdy I wonder how long it will take some little dear to realise they can take someone else's tie? Ties could be the new currency....

This is what I meant about 'charged atmosphere' and drama. Sounds like, in this case, the uniform could be causing more problems than it is preventing. Now they practically have to 'name and shame'. Surely wearing incorrect uniform would signal they had 'flouted' the rules...

Has this school not heard of 'getting priorities straight'?

Maybe they should all flout in unison...thus making the lower 'school tie' the norm.

I find it utterly amazing that singling a child out from his/her peers is part of a uniform policy. Why don't they just bring back the bloody 'dunce' cap and be done with?

So the school has rules, and it recognizes the status and good behaviour of year 11 pupils by giving them distinctive ties to wear, yes?

And if they choose to misbehave or 'fall foul of the rules', they don't get to wear the special tie any more?

Assuming they know what these rules are, what is the problem?

The problem is falling foul of the rules should be something that is dealt with between pupil and staff, not flaunted openly throughout their peers.

The school are singling out children who, for whatever reason, have fallen foul of these rules and parading them in front of their classmates. They are also, according to the letter, refusing to reimburse the parent for the cost of the tie they have confiscated.

Oh, if they are parading them about then that is not very good, no.

The way I saw it was that the tie was mark of status for being at the top of the school in the hope that students would live up to the respect shown for them, and set a good example by following school rules. Therefore should they choose not to follow school rules, the tie which indicated their status would be removed.

And any year 11 who isn't wearing the vastly different tie will be instantly recognised as being 'naughty'.

Tell me, how is that any different from the old days of dunce hats?

Punishment should be between staff member and pupil and not for the enjoyment of the rest of the school. Ties will not be reissued so any indiscretion now, now matter how minor, will result in ridicule until the child leaves in May.

'Zero tolerance policy' is not something I think is a good idea. It comes from the school is a nightmare to be endured school of thinking.

DS1's school has a zero tolerance policy that means that pupils end up in in-school exclusion because some bugger has stolen their school shoes from the changing rooms and they've had to wear their trainers. Because it's a brilliant idea to punish kids for being a victim of theft.

That said, the HT describes it as 'an exam factory' , so what more do you expect. It's the only reasonably accessible school round here and where all his friends go, so all the 'find a different school' fools can shut up. It's not like there is actually a school in this area that is drastically different anyway. (Oh how I'd love to live in the fuzzy rainbow land where parents can peruse a wide variety of different school types and select the one that suits them and their child the best. Instead, it's like making a choice between different of eggs in the supermarket: they're all the bloody same in different packaging).

And these rules, they're kept secret, are they?

Actually, yes, they are. Because until a teacher starting lifting the legs of girls trousers yesterday nobody knew that wearing ankle boots wasn't allowed. I have in front of me a copy of the uniform policy....its not mentioned.

Now as not adhering to the uniform policy is one of the indiscretions that could lead to losing the tie DD could have lost hers yesterday, for a rule that was seemingly invented on the spot and seemingly kept secret

Late for school? Could lose your tie.
Don't hand in homework? Again, could lose your tie.

Both situations that can be completely out of control of the child, yet they will bear the punishment for it until May.

TheOriginal SteamingNit So do you agree with 'zero tolerance'?

As mentioned up-thread it can provide excellent material for bullies to work with. Steal someone's shoes they get punished. Steal someone's tie they'll get punished.

If someone had made a mistake there is no way they can redeem themselves - so why should they bother? They may just seethe away with silent hatred. Not an ideal work environment IMO.

If it says nothing about footwear at all, then yes, that's unreasonable.

But do you want her to be late for school and not hand in homework? Is that some kind of right worth preserving? They said 'could lose' not 'will lose', which is not the same anyway.

Look, I don't think it's the best system to be honest: I think it would be much better to have it that year 11 can earn the special tie by, say, amassing a certain amount of credits, or exceptionally good behaviour or achievement - and lose it if they misbehave.

But I think talk of them being paraded and so on is a tad melodramatic, and just sounds as though you want to defend their right to break rules without recompense, to be honest.

It's also different from a dunce's cap, because that was to denote stupidity - wrong on so many levels. That's what a dunce is. This is saying: you don't get to wear the special tie if you behave badly. They're not making them wear ties that say I AM AN IDIOT, are they? If that's what years 7-10 have to wear, there are bigger fish to fry!

No, I don't think 'zero tolerance' is a great term - but 'could lose' is not that, is it? Having clear rules about what will and will not be acceptable behaviour, I think is pretty necessary, though.

I am utterly shocked that children have to have written permission to remove a blazer. That's insane!

Being late for school is something that can happen to the best of us. My car refused to start last term and she had to walk, she was late. Not her fault, certainly not mine.

Its no different to a dunce's cap at all. The principle is the same. The fact that a year 11 isn't wearing a year 11 tie will single them out in exactly the same way.

I'm not defending their right to break rules, but I will defend the rights of a child not to be singled out amongst their peers for behaviour which may or may not have even been within their control.

As I said, punishment should be between staff member and pupil and not on show for the entire school.

Yes it is different, because a dunce's cap was to denote 'stupidity' and this is to denote poor behaviour.

Yes, cars sometimes don't start, and in that instance if your dd had lost her tie, that would have been pretty crap. But honestly, do you not think that the majority of poor behaviour is on that scale? Do year 11s never choose to do something, which is their fault?

A dunce cap is degrading to its wearer, only they were only worn for a short period of time.
Putting a year 11 pupil in a younger child's tie and insisting they wear it until they leave next May is completely degrading and incredibly humiliating for the child.

Goodness...just catching up with this thread. Likely outcome if the girls lose their special ties for daft or unfair reasons is that it will become a point of honour to lose it. They'll end up with a few left, the wearers of which will be branded 'goody-goodies'. Which obviously wouldn't be any better than duncehood.

TheUglyDucklin It also sounds like some schools can be melodramatic and precious, with regards to some very petty sounding uniform policies.

Yes, in life you do have to learn to roll with the punches but you can't blame some people for not wanting a boxing-ring of a school.

In RL I do let my child deal with the flack if he can cope with it. If it became a problem I would have to deal with the school. I wouldn't want to have to though.

Personally, were my child to be punished by the school I would want that punishment to be between them and the staff and for an acceptable period of time in relation to the issue.

What I wouldn't be happy about is that punishment being viewed by 1200 other pupils daily for 8 months for something as ridiculous as wearing the wrong pair of shoes.

If that makes me melodramatic and precious then I'm happy to be so.