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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want 2 kids close together?

66 replies

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 04/09/2013 20:51

Disclaimer first - I'm not even pregnant yet, and probably won't be for a while, but was talking about plans for future etc with oh, and I said I want two babies really close
Together, and that I thought it was nice when babies were less than a year difference in age. He thought this was funny because he's got a dd from a previous relationship and has a better idea of newborn babies.

Is it that unreasonable to want this? Has anyone deliberately tried for this or is it usually and accidental pregnancy they'll second time?

I just think it would be nice for them to be more or less going through the same stages together.

I am prepared to be told I'm living in a fantasy land though

OP posts:

McNewPants2013 · 04/09/2013 20:56

There is 3 years difference between mine and I found it the best for me. DS was in nursery so it meant i could have 1-1 time with DD.

If you want them close together and are lucky enough to conceive pretty quick then go for it.

Xmasbaby11 · 04/09/2013 21:00

It's quite rare, TBH, because you need to recover from the birth (I think doctors recommend giving your body a year to recover before conceiving again) and because babies are pretty demanding. Being pregnant when you have a baby is physically quite difficult and coping with 2 under twos is supposed to be pretty hard.

There are also financial reasons for most people (spread the cost of childcare).

I think 'close together' would be 2 years difference or slightly less. 18 months is unusually close. Any less is usually accidental!

Having said that, it's totally what is right for you and it is doable - I think you probably wouldn't be able to say until your first baby is born and see how you feel then.

HowlerMonkey · 04/09/2013 21:02

I got pregnant with number 2 when number 1 was 4mo. Apart from the initial terror, it's actually worked out quite well.... I think I's easier to be pregnant whilst looking after a baby rather than looking after a toddler, simply because you don't have to run after them as much and they're less heavy

So I'd say go for it, but you might well reconsider if your DC1 is a devil child that needs no sleep ;)

HowlerMonkey · 04/09/2013 21:03

Haha, my post contradicts the one before mine! Oh well, to each their own

CrispyFB · 04/09/2013 21:11

Plenty of people do it! I bet a lot depends on the DC1 though.. with my DC1 not in a million years, but DC3 would have been fine.

Although if you were intending on breastfeeding, most women who do so don't get their cycles back for a while (mixed feeding usually sooner) Even those who do will nearly always have a drop in supply once pregnant. Breastfeeding is nature's child spacer, so it is something to be aware of if you were hoping to breastfeed.

RandomMess · 04/09/2013 21:14

I have a 14 months gap between my middle 2, we started trying when we felt the gap was big enough to cope with and I fell pregnant straight away.

It is my favourite age gap of all but I wouldn't recommend less than a year just to give your body a bit of a chance to recover.

Notmadeofrib · 04/09/2013 21:18

All good views from the parents!

I am very close in age to my sister and I didn't like it one bit. Too on top of each other at school and socially. We get on now though... in our 40's

attheendoftheday · 04/09/2013 21:22

I think having 2 within a year would be exceptionally hard, because of coping with sleep deprivation and pregnancy tiredness. Plus it's really hard to explain to a 12 month old that they need to wait while you see to a new baby.

I had mine 20 months apart, and they still feel pretty close, but it's managable. I didn't get my periods back until dd1 was 8 months anyway.

It's hard to talk about in theory, because although you might want 2 really close, there'll be a point at which dc1 exists and dc2 doesn't, and dc1's needs are obviously more important that your wants. That's how things seemed to me, anyway.

TwasBrillig · 04/09/2013 21:25

I'd think you're nuts to do it intentionally! Maybe wait until you've had your first and at least had a few months to recover, and get to know your baby. . .

forevergreek · 04/09/2013 21:28

We have 15 month gap. Love it.
Eldest was too young to need outings/ nursery / school runs and was happy to just potter around for a few months, take walks with both etc. by the time we had 2 year old we had a 9 month old also.

ThisWayForCrazy · 04/09/2013 21:30

There is 14 months between my two. It was planned.The first year almost killed me. I was a wreck! These were my 2nd and 3rd children, so I had an idea about newborns etc. Now they are almost 2 and just turned 3 it's bloody fantastic! They are the best of buddies and thick as thieves and killing each other

LilBlondePessimist · 04/09/2013 21:31

I have 18mths between ds1 and ds2, which wasn't intentional, it was pretty intense in the beginning but worked out really well and are the best of friends. I waited a few years, and now have 15mths between ds3 and ds4, and although the pregnancies themselves were exceedingly hard, I love it now, and I have said that since dc4 was born - they are both under two and we did it on purpose, seeing how close the elder two are. You will only really know once you have your first though.

kc77 · 04/09/2013 21:32

We started trying pretty much straight after ds was born but only managed to conceive after I stopped breastfeeding when he was 10 months old

whohellhe · 04/09/2013 21:33

YABNU, 20 month gap here.
Negs: you'll be absolutely bloody knackered
Pros: you're still in "baby mode" so will have mostly everything you need, the eldest will probably not experience any feelings of jealousy and are likely to accept the newcomer straight away, eldest will still be in nappies so you're not toilet training while youngest is a demanding baby. Once the youngest turns 1ish they'll play together and be into the same things making life easier for you.
In summary I think it is short term pain for long term gain!

jessieagain · 04/09/2013 21:35

I think having 2 close together would have killed us!

Ds only started sleeping through at 2. At 12 months he was still waking 3 times a night! I was exhausted.

So we have waited and are now hoping for a 3 year gap.

Ds will be older and (hopefully) more independent, toilet trained, at nursery (so I can sleep while baby sleeps and go to baby swim/classes etc), more able to be reasoned with etc

Didn't want to have too big a gap as we are only having 2 so would like them to be of a similar age to enjoy holidays, toys, movies etc.

Most friends with close gaps found it very hard. Some did get a lot of help from grandparents etc so you might be lucky like them. One friend hower had twins and a younger dc 18 months apart and loved it, so people do vary!

Jengnr · 04/09/2013 21:36

Given the amount of shagging new parents manage to do you must be incredibly lucky (or unlucky depending on your point of view) to get another so quickly.

My baby is 8 months now and I want another but not yet. I realise this is the one opportunity I've got to spend a year mostly just me and my baby. I love it and am grateful that I can do this. With the next one I'll have big bro to look after too. Bear that in mind - spending that time just you and the baby is lovely and you only get one chance to do that.

But, if you have one and want another straight away crack on (although giving your body time to recover is also wise)

spacegirl81 · 04/09/2013 21:36

There's 17 months between my DSs and its fab, DS2 is coming up to a year now so plays with his older brother more. They are close and will be great to see them growing up together. First 6 months is hard bloody work though

mimitwo · 04/09/2013 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zatyaballerina · 04/09/2013 21:39

It depends on how your body responds to pregnancy, the birth, how quickly your body recovers fully, how well your baby sleeps at night, how you sleep at night, how easily you slip into a routine etc.... all those things going exceptionally well it would probably be ideal because they'd be close enough to entertain each other.

You have no idea if it's even possible yet, I averaged an hour or two a night for the first year and a half, I was so overtired from constant interruptions and a never sleeping, always needing to be held baby that even when I got the chance to sleep I couldn't, she's turning two now and I'm finally getting 4-5 hours a night, interrupted once or twice. The thought of another bad sleeper is enough to keep my legs closed for life.

Hope for the best, prepare as best you can for all to go well but don't assume anything.

Caff2 · 04/09/2013 21:41

There are ten months between me and my older brother. And then 8 and nearly nine years between us and the next one... I think my mum learnt her lesson!

I have a twelve year gap between my two...

goingdownhill · 04/09/2013 21:41

I had 14 months between ds1 and ds2. It was planned that way, as with all gaps there are pro's and cons. The boys are such friends for each other, they are really close. On the downside competition is fierce between them as they want the same things and are very much at the same stage. We had dd1 18 months after ds2 so three under three. It has been amazingly hard at times, but I would not do things differently.

waltzingmathilda · 04/09/2013 21:43

I have 54 weeks - they HATE each other.

Tabby1963 · 04/09/2013 21:45

My second baby was due on my first baby's 1st birthday, but came two weeks early.

My partner was working away in Scotland (but back for weekends thankfully) and I had no family support plus had moved away from home town just before birth of first baby so knew no one who could help.

With hindsight I would have chosen to have second baby a couple of years later. I had problems with pelvis (ligaments hadn't recovered from first birth and stretched even more, so painful to walk and carry first born around), so second pregnancy was hard and I struggled to look after daughter and actually enjoy her first year of life properly, particularly in third trimester.

After a couple of years though I loved having them so close in age. They are 18 and 19 now and the best of friends.

If you have good family and local support, go for it, but be aware that your body really needs time to recover from giving birth. Waiting a year is probably recommended.

NicknameIncomplete · 04/09/2013 21:46

I think that it is stupid to have kids so close together.

I speak as someone who has close age siblings. I hated it. We had no time to be ourselves as we all had to do things together & our mum didnt have one on one time with us. None of us are close because of this.

3 or more years would be much better.

foxy6 · 04/09/2013 21:48

my two boys have 14 months between them and them 22 months for my third boy. it was a lot of work but they are teenagers now and I really miss having the three of them little.

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