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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want 2 kids close together?

66 replies

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 04/09/2013 20:51

Disclaimer first - I'm not even pregnant yet, and probably won't be for a while, but was talking about plans for future etc with oh, and I said I want two babies really close
Together, and that I thought it was nice when babies were less than a year difference in age. He thought this was funny because he's got a dd from a previous relationship and has a better idea of newborn babies.

Is it that unreasonable to want this? Has anyone deliberately tried for this or is it usually and accidental pregnancy they'll second time?

I just think it would be nice for them to be more or less going through the same stages together.

I am prepared to be told I'm living in a fantasy land though

OP posts:

KitCat26 · 04/09/2013 23:56

Mine are just under 18mths apart.

For me having a newborn and a toddler were fine, it was when DD2 got mobile that the fun really started! They do play and fight beautifully together now though (2.9 and just 4).

I wanted a 15mth gap but am happy with how things panned out. My eldest starts school tomorrow and it will be a very quiet house with only one child in it.

BeaWheesht · 05/09/2013 00:00

I used to want 2 very close together then I got pregnant and had SPD, hyperemesis and PND and decided to wait a bit so we have a gap of 3y9m which is lovely .

recall · 05/09/2013 00:04

From a parent's point of view, its a good idea - extremely intense initially, but easier in the long run. Its a joy to watch mine playing together and running about in a little gang. Now aged 6, 4 and 3.

TokenGirl1 · 05/09/2013 00:07

I planned my two close together. 15 months apart. I can't remember much about my dc2's first year and I probably look at it through rose tinted glasses now. At points I was on my knees but I would probably do it all over again given half a chance.

They are now 3 and 4 and best buddies. We've worked a lot on getting them to bond, be kind to each other, share nicely and do nice things for each other and that has helped their relationship. They gets lots of praise and rewards for watching out for each other which I believe has strengthened their bond.

flowersinavase · 05/09/2013 00:15

Physically, it's not a good idea. Your body needs to recover from one pregnancy: to rebuilt its nutrient stores in order to provide the optimum environment in which a baby can grow. To say nothing about your health and energy levels.

And what if you have awful MS? Would you want to be dealing with that at the same time as a baby? I was potty training DD whilst suffering with MS from #2 and that was awful!!

raisah · 05/09/2013 01:26

My mum had 2 within 11 monthsof each other and it wrecked her health, she has never recovered from it. Why would you intentionally put your body through that? I have a 25 month gap between mine and I wish it was more, the sleep deprivation is really affecting me.

MistressDeeCee · 05/09/2013 01:37

OP - I dont think youre living in fantasy land. Its fine to plan, if youre able to. I got pregant again when my DC was 7 months old. Not planned, & I was very OMG, but Im so glad it worked out that way and they were very close growing up. Now theyre all grown up, theyre still close. Its same age difference with me & younger brother, and we are close too. It is hard looking after 2 babies but mothers can and do get on with many things in this life. . I recovered fine physically, nothing to say you wont too. Any pregnancy is a risk anyway, doesnt mean if you leave a gap of years, you'll bounce back into shape and health immediately.

Id say go with your feeling and what suits you best, only you can know. Youll get a lot of horror stories regarding having 2 close together, tho. I know I got lots of comments. Which I completely ignored, thankfully. & am here to tell the tale. Good luck, health and happiness with whatever you choose to do

ToysRLuv · 05/09/2013 01:45

Before becoming a mum, I wanted 2 kids 2 years apart. I now have one nearly 4 year old and no short term plans for another. Ds is and was always hard work. Slept through only after he hit 3 (years). I had pnd, and still suffer from low moods. You really can't anticipate these things..

An accidental pregnancy (or rather an immaculate conception) when ds was a baby would have absolutely finished me off. I was already on my knees, bigtime!

LolaCrayola · 05/09/2013 01:53

I have never heard anyone say they wished they had a bigger age gap between their children, but have heard loads of people say they wished they'd had a closer gap!
It is so much fun having children close in age, and it is so lovely for them to share their childhood.

cantspel · 05/09/2013 02:41

18 months between my 2 boys and it was planned that way. We started trying 6 months after the birth of the first.
They are no 15 and 17 and not a bit alike but they are close and get on well with each other. They have grown up together. I didn't have the older one getting bored why we did activities aimed at the younger one or the younger one hanging a round whilst the older on got to do something age appropriate for them. They could do things together whilst i got the baby stage over and done with in one go.

There is 18 months between myself and my brother we live about 60 miles apart and can go weeks without speaking but i know if i needed him he would be here within hours and i would do the same for him. i hope my boys will be the same.

HazleNutt · 05/09/2013 07:26

gap under a year sounds challenging, you would need to get pregnant almost immediately after birth and that's not good for your body, you need to recover.
But we're planning the second one with a short gap as well. DS1 is just 2 months old but an amazingly easy baby, so you might not necessarily change your mind after the first. Then again you might have one like some people from our antenatal class who have already said 'never again!!'

Whatdoiknowanyway · 05/09/2013 07:40

My mum had four of us within just over three and a half years, then another one 4 years later. She loved it. Most of us are still very close.

I think the problem can be with multiple siblings sharing attention rather than the actual age gap. Not a great advocate of big families.

My 2 are 20 months apart and it's been great.

FuzzyWuzzywasaWoman · 05/09/2013 08:05

At one stage I had 3dc under 2, my eldest being twins at 20 months when DD was born. Yes it was hard. There are cost implications as you will have two in nappies, things that would normally passed down like high chairs and cots and buggies have to be doubled up. Childcare is very expensive as I had to pay full whack for three in nursery, till the boys reached 3 and we got the government help. Family were also reluctant to help as the children were so young and demanding, this may have been different with one baby??

At times I have really struggled, I have no real outside support, but I think it would have been hard with any age gap in my situation. Thankfully I have a very supportive DH who is a great Dad. BUT, I agree with other posters, it is short term pain. I absolutely love love love having them so close together, they all play together beautifully (mostly) they watch the same cartoons so I can get a shower etc in peace. They will sit and play with the same toys and enjoy the same books and songs, so no issues with having to entertain different interests. I wouldn't have it any other way, I would hate a larger age gap. Horses for courses I suppose.

I have a big gap between my siblings and we never really bonded. DH is one of six, all one year apart and they are as thick as thieves. It all depends on personalities and individual family dynamics.

Op what happens will happen and you will cope, there is no harm in raising the question on a practical level though, just ignore pointless responses that add nothing. Best of luck.

Squitten · 05/09/2013 08:09

It's impossible to know until you have the first child OP. Maybe it will be the most placid, easy little thing and you'll bounce back from birth really quickly. It could also make your life hell for the first year and you could have all sorts of post-birth issues to deal with.

I think it's always nice to have ideas on what you might like to happen, but when dealing with small children, flexibility is everything!

Pixielady83 · 05/09/2013 08:25

I would echo others and say it entirely depends on what kind of pregnancy you have and what kind of baby. DH is 15mths younger than his sister and wanted a similar gap, I was open minded but wanted to go back to work between pregnancies to keep my career on track so 2 years was the minimum I would consider. After SPD and 10wks housebound on crutches followed by an emcs and very intense first couple of months (think I probably had PND if I'm honest) I could not even consider having another one. When she was 18months however things kind of clicked into place for me and we started trying again soon after. Due to a mmc and taking longer to conceive than first time round we will end up with a 3 yr gap which I'm pretty happy with. DD is toilet trained, loves nursery, sleeps (finally!) and I am able to reason with her. So for us I hope it'll be great. However I don't think YABU because if you had a very straightforward pregnancy, birth and the first year went swimmingly then why not, I think there are plenty of advantages to having two close together.

Twattybollocks · 05/09/2013 08:26

My eldest 2 are 20 months apart. There is then a 6.5 year gap to dc3, with good reason. 2 under 2 drove me beyond the edge of reason and I had a complete breakdown when dc2 was just over a year old.

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