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AIBU?

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Original poster

Children going off with strangers

76 replies

PrincessFlirtyPants · 04/09/2013 12:37

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2410930/Chilling-experiment-shows-children-happy-walk-stranger-park--took-just-90-seconds-persuade-them.html

AIBU to be quite scared at the idea it would be this easy?! One girl was 11... Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
PrincessFlirtyPants · 04/09/2013 13:07

LaGuardia

Whoah! That's a shocking thing to say. I'm just Shock

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 04/09/2013 13:11

LaGuardia, exactly.

I just believe that all you can do is educate your own children and not make what I would perceive as foolish judgements when it comes to safety - for me putting a 10 yr old in charge of two 6 yr olds is foolish (I use that because it was mentioned earlier) and puts them in a vulnerable position where yes, they could be targeted. Children don't tend to be taken from parks where their parents are looking after them.

Budgiegirlbob · 04/09/2013 13:16

I don't think this is scaremongering at all. I saw the report in Daybreak, and then asked my DD8 who I thought I had taught all about going off with people, what she would do if a kind looking man asked her to help look for his dog. She told me she wasn't sure, but she might help him!

Any reporting that highlights the need to talk to your kids about their safety can only be a good thing.

LaGuardia,while you are entitled to your opinion, I find your comments to be both ignorant and offensive.

Original poster
PrincessFlirtyPants · 04/09/2013 13:19

Completely agree Budgiegirlbob

My DH was kidnapped when he was a child and his DM was certainly not allowing him 'run wild' nor was he being 'neglected'

OP posts:
WhatWillSantaBring · 04/09/2013 13:25

I remember going off with a stranger at the age of about 8 or 9 - luckily for me, he was genuinely being friendly (this was, yikes, 30 years ago now). I have unusual colouring that marks me out as being from a particular part of the world. The man asked me if that's where I was from and I asked him how he knew, so he said "I'll show you". Turns out it his wife had the same colouring.

I knew all about not going off somewhere with a stranger, but it was the concept of "going off" with someone that I think I struggled with. He wasn't trying to get me to go into a car or leave the area, he just wanted to show me something, so in my 8 year old logic, that meant it was OK. I don't know how I'm going to teach my DC this lesson Sad

pigletmania · 04/09/2013 13:26

Cocoa exactly why two young Chidren were put into the care f this 10 year old is beyond me. He too was immature, he was off in a distance doing his own thing, not looking after his sister and her friend

RobinSparkles · 04/09/2013 13:29

LaGuardia what a load of bollocks!

It is scary. I've spoken to my 6 year old DD1 about "stranger danger" numerous times, and I've also told her that she must never go with anybody (even people I or she knows) without my permission or letting me know where she has gone.

However, she's very chatty and sociable, not shy at all and if a friendly adult approached her and said, "hello, do you want to come and see some puppies?" I imagine that she would go. For this reason she is not allowed out on her own, much to her disgust, as other children her age in our neighbourhood do.

SilverApples · 04/09/2013 13:30

It's also, as the parent of a man who can present as somewhat strange on occasion (Asperger's) I get sick and tired of the
'Oh I saw a weirdo, should I call the police?' 'Trust your instincts hun' ignorance.
A man who is friendly, appealing, dressed like a dad and in need of help would find it very easy to lure a lot of children who have been brought up to be polite and helpful to others.
Feral children would be more likely to tell him to fuck off.

BrianTheMole · 04/09/2013 13:32

It is true. I don't care that its the daily mail reporting it. I thought my dd was clear about the rules, we talked about it often enough, but I was shocked at how quickly she walked off with someone in a supermarket who assumed, wrongly, that she was lost. It took her no more than 20 seconds to walk off with a stranger. Fortunately all was ok, but I am glad I learnt this lesson so early.

Original poster
PrincessFlirtyPants · 04/09/2013 13:33

Yes, SilverApples that's who they used in the video. Looked and sounded 'normal' not like the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 04/09/2013 13:34

I have a 12 yr old boy and a 7yr old girl and I wouldn't leave her in his care. Not through any fault of his, he is a very sensible boy and I have no doubt that he would do his best but I read a story (probably in the dm funnily enough) when they were younger, I think it was a letter from an older lady who had been entrusted with walking her sister to school when she was 8 and her sister 6. They held hands and had to cross one road but sadly the younger sister was hit by a car and killed. There was of course nothing the older sister could have done and it clearly wasn't her fault but it haunted her the whole of her life and it struck me that it was so tragic that it had happened but also that I would never want to put that on one of my children. I am not saying that the girls death was the fault of her parents for letting them go off together - it was an accient.

You hear about abduction cases sometimes (thankfully it isn't that frequent) but all you can do is your best and I think most people do that without prompting?

limitedperiodonly · 04/09/2013 13:36

It is scary. I had all the right messages from my parents with lot of the tricks an abductor might use to persuade a child and what to do.

But I probably would have gone off with someone in glasses. I trusted people in glasses because my parents wore them. It was automatic. I didn't make the connection for years.

I can't tell my mum that even today because she'd probably blame herself for not covering that one.

bruffin · 04/09/2013 13:51

They did a similar experiment at my dcs primary when ds was in yr 6. They were asked to help put some books in a car by a stranger in the car park. They were at the mariners club on a safety and substance abuse day. His friends refused by my DS did help and was shut into the car.

Not sure if i am proud he is polite or helpful or not and actually quite sad that someone might take advantage of that. He will be 18 next week and is actually a very independent and probably now quite streetwise. He did get conned out of a couple of euros in Paris last month by those scam artists with clipboards but thankfully he realised and refused to give them anymore when they insisted on 10 euros.

ChocHobNob · 04/09/2013 14:00

That's true Coca, but it doesn't mean that there is no need for these campaigns. They are there to raise awareness, teach new strategies and also prompt people into acting.

The mother in the video had taught her child about "stranger danger" but what the experiment highlighted was that actually, the child didn't understand. Maybe he hadn't been taught properly or in a way that he could process it. To me it looked like he was just parroting the saying "stranger danger" but he didn't actually understand what it meant.

These campaigns give people more advice, such as not just focusing on strangers but also people they know too. It is there to help parents and I can't see how it does any harm.

Most adults are aware that they could develop breast or testicular cancer but the campaigns to raise awareness might prompt someone who wasn't so clued up or just forgot, to check.

Just because it was in the daily mail, doesn't mean it's irrelevant or scaremongering.

twinkletoedelephant · 04/09/2013 14:07

I was out shopping with sil dh had wandered off in front and a strange (to her) man just reached down grabbed her hand and she walked off she only got a few seeps before I reached her and he was mortified he thought it was his Dd but she never said a word..... She was then nearly 7

She said she disn't know what to do so she didnt do anything .... Now she would screem like a banshee :)

twinkletoedelephant · 04/09/2013 14:07

Niece not dh... I suspect he could handle himself :)

diddl · 04/09/2013 14:08

Haven't read the article-does it mention what the "stranger" said?

I remember talking to mine about this sort of thing & they both said that they would go with/get in a car if that person said that "Mummy had told them to do it" iyswim.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 04/09/2013 14:10

Thankyou NeoMax. I had not really thought of that angle before. I shall make sure that I make sure DDs know what a proper uniform is. DD1 is 12. She is sensible. But quite trusting and respectful of authority. I'll talk to her about it tonight!

Quangle · 04/09/2013 14:12

I thought it was a fascinating piece and shows that it's not just about giving children rules - which they then don't follow - but that we also need to empower them to trust their judgement and say no to adults when they think they should. One of the kids in that piece obviously said no but in the end politeness overcame him. We need to teach our children to be assertive and able to recognise a wrong situation. This will help with the non stranger danger as well.

I don't talk about strangers to my children but I do tell them they can never go away with someone unless they ask me first and we role play various scenarios. I do it more since I lost DD at LEGOLAND for 30 minutes when she was 4. She had actually been taken by an employee to the lost child centre so was safe but I wondered if my instruction not to go away with anyone had crossed her mind (even though in this case she did the right thing). She said she went with the man because he hadn't asked her to go with him, he told her. So in her mind, it wasn't in her power to say no. It's just very interesting how our adult rules get interpreted by young minds.

I don't have any solutions here but I don't think there's anything wrong with talking about it again. Is anyone thinking of showing the piece to the DCs to help them understand how easy it is to make a mistake?

acer12 · 04/09/2013 14:12

Posts like this never fail to surprise me at the " oh it's just scaremongering , it's only wild children, never happens really, children dont really ever abducted, head in the sand, seemingly trendy attitude on MN.

Children do get abducted or harmed by family,friends or strangers its a fact. I just wish people would safe guard there children more and realise that we don't live in La La land. Children are children at the end of the day and they are gullible.

7/9 children left the park area. That's fucking scary.

DeWe · 04/09/2013 14:18

When I was at primary we used to get the police in about 3 times a year, at the beginning of term Autumn term was the "don't put the fireworks up your nose" talk, Spring was traffic (and we'd get a reflector to go on our coat) and summer was the Stranger danger talk.*

Nowadays my dc have had more NSPCC coming in with "don't keep secrets" as the theme, than the police on strangers.
The approach seems to be much more that it's more likely to be a known person (which it is) than on the strangers, and this is who you can talk to. Not sure whether that's a good thing or not.

*And the main thing I remember is the year 5 teacher talking to the policeman afterwards about the video he'd brought for us to see, and telling him that the person who had played the "stranger" in the video had been beaten up, sent threatening messages, and refused employment on the basis people had thought it was a genuine person trying to adbuct a child that had happened to be caught on camera.

ChocHobNob · 04/09/2013 14:20

Diddl - the stranger just started chatting and asked the children to come and help him find his daughter or help find his dog, giving them a ball.

101handbags · 04/09/2013 14:20

Someone on another website commented about how the stranger is always a man. I would like to see the experiment repeated with a woman. Children need to be told not to go off with anyone for any reason unless mum/dad/carer say so.

bruffin · 04/09/2013 14:29

Someone on another website commented about how the stranger is always a man. I would like to see the experiment repeated with a woman.

That is how Myra Hindley and Ian Brady worked. Hindley would ask the children to help her find a missing glove and because she was a women they thought she was safe

pigletmania · 04/09/2013 14:34

Silver, the public do not know your son has Autism, if he is acting inappropriately of course it's up to members of the public to be vigilan and report. I am saying this as a mum of a dd with Autism.