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AIBU?

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Original poster

My Cat and My Neighbour. WWYD?

64 replies

Wingit · 01/09/2013 11:02

I have 3 cats. Moved to this house when I was pregnant 2 years ago. Baby is nearly 18 months old now and is noisy, mobile and according to one of my cats obviously generally a pest. The other two cats aren't bothered.

My problem is one of my cats seems to have moved out and taken up residence at a close neighbours house. He wanders in her open back door, either eats her cats food or she feeds him and then sleeps all day in the sun in her garden and she lets him in at night sometimes too.

I'm quite sad. He used to come back every day to be fed, then it got further and further apart and now I'm lucky if he pops over here at all. I've not seen him for 4 days except for sitting on her wall.

I've only spoken to the neighbour about it briefly, I said I was quite sad and that I was worried that if anything happened to him that we may not notice for days because she would think he was here and vice versa. She said the above about his time there and also said that she usually tries to get him out when she leaves the house but "He won't go" Hmm

WWYD?

OP posts:
KissMeHardy · 01/09/2013 11:04

You don't choose to have a cat - it chooses to have you !! There's nothing you CAN do about it. The cat obviously doesn't want to be with a child so has moved out to where it is more comfortable.

hiddenhome · 01/09/2013 11:05

She's got to stop feeding him if she really wants him to leave. She should also make hostile hissing noises at him when he turns up, but I can't really see her doing that as she sounds like she's enticing him into her house Hmm

YouStayClassySanDiego · 01/09/2013 11:08

I suppose you can chat regularly with your neighbour about the whereabouts of him but other than that , nothing.

She doesn't appear to mind then?

Leviticus · 01/09/2013 11:09

Be thankful he's only moved a few doors away and you can still see him? I agree there's nothing you can do. If your neighbour was to stop taking him in he will go somewhere else further afield.

I know that's not what you want to hear, sorry.

hiddenhome · 01/09/2013 11:10

The trouble with these bloody cat stealing neighbours if that they never take responsibility for the health of these cats - I bet she won't be stumping up for annual vaccinations, worming, flea treatments and any ill health that occurs.

I think it's disgusting behaviour to entice somebody's cat away. It's easy to deter a visiting cat by hissing at them and spraying water. These cat enticers know exactly what they're doing and can put on the innocent act all they like, it doesn't wash with people.

JustBecauseICan · 01/09/2013 11:14

Oh god, I always think these threads are about me!

We have the reverse situation at the moment - neighbour has 3 cats and one has virtually moved in with us to the point that when I open the door to go to work at 630am she is there trying to get in. We (esp dd) have always made a fuss of all neighbourhood cats, we are cat people Grin but make a point of never ever feeding them and when I see that the owners are back from work I turf the cat out.

I think you have to decide if you want the cat back or not. If you want it back, then go and speak to the neighbour and be kind but firm about the feeding. Cats are such sluts when it comes to food.

Another neighbour took in what she thought was a stray last summer and its owner (from the street behind ours) came and knocked on her door only 2 weeks ago and said "I think you've got my cat".

As others have said, cats decide. Especially when there is food involved!

Sparrowlegs248 · 01/09/2013 11:16

Have a proper conversation with her. I can understand that some cats might not be happy with a small child. She either takes him on as her own and pays for flea/worm treatments, vets bills etc. Or she discorages him and stops feeding him. The latter IS quite hard. We have our own cat but a neighbours cat does try to move in frequently. He spends all his time in our garden but our cat won't let him in the house.

GibberTheMonkey · 01/09/2013 11:18

Not sure what the neighbour can do if she has a cat flap and food down for her own cat.
Not sure not being deliberately harsh to the cat is enticing it either.
I certainly wouldn't waste my time and effort spraying a perfectly nice cat with water (except I have a dog and a severely allergic dh so I would) in her position

kali110 · 01/09/2013 11:24

Cats do choose their owners. Even if you stop feeding they will still try to come in or will go to someonelse. Some cats do not like kids and will leave. I know its sad but be happy its being looked after!its not her fault your cat doesnt want to live with you. Dont think shes trying to entice it away from you.
I have 3 strays now. Didnt entice but after months of seeing them getting thinner and full of fleas i gave in. I take full responsibility eg vets bills.

hiddenhome · 01/09/2013 11:26

One of the neighbour's cats used to sneak in through the cat flap and steal the cat food. It was premium stuff and I was spending a fortune Hmm

We used to chase it out with the vacuum hose. It did stop coming eventually. You have to be determined.

Original poster
Wingit · 01/09/2013 11:27

You see, I agree, a cat chooses it's owners. I am a cat person and always have been. I also am glad that he is so close and I know I can always know that he is okay etc.

I do fear that if I was to lay the law down so to speak and she did comply that he would just move on further away. No, she doesn't mind at all, he's a lovely cat....

That's the sticking point here hiddenhome My cat had a gash a few weeks ago and I had to keep him in for a few days until it healed, since then he's here even less as I think he thinks I'm going to make him housebound again! I'm just thinking what if he has an accident that's vet worthy? What then? Who's going to take care of him and pay the vet bills?

There are a good few strays round here and I always just shoo them away. It's what you do isn't it? If another persons cat or a stryy starts getting brave and walking in your back door you shoo them off FFS.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wingit · 01/09/2013 11:28

*stray, sorry. Typo..

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 01/09/2013 11:29

I understand how you feel, I have two cats and the boy likes to bugger off during the warmer summer nights until well into the next day.

He is gorgeous and so placid, I'd be really upset if he chose not to come back.

Quite tempted at times to get one of those cat camera collars, just to see where he strolls off to.

Original poster
Wingit · 01/09/2013 11:30

She doesn't have a cat flap. It's summer and the back door is open, I can't really say "Well shut your door so he can't get in."

But I do think she should never have actually just let him wander in and not shoo him out. I went over one Sunday morning about 6am when I was up and had been calling him for ages and looked in her conservatory and there he was.. stretched out on a lounger in her house. Must have been in all night.. :(

OP posts:
SeaSickSal · 01/09/2013 11:52

This often happens when a child is born. I don't really think it would be fair for you to force your neighbour to give him up, because he obviously finds it too difficult and stressful to live with a toddler and has voted with his feet.

Original poster
Wingit · 01/09/2013 12:13

So should I just say something like-

Well he's your cat now, your responsibility to feed/worm/vax/insure etc..

Nicely of course..

OP posts:
NameChanger26 · 01/09/2013 13:08

If you pay for pet insurance, just casually ask her if she wants to continue with your policy and you'll change the name and payment details over, or will she set up her own so you can cancel yours. Then see if he starts shoo-ing the cat away.

BrokenSunglasses · 01/09/2013 15:14

I think you should be grateful that someone has offered your cat some security somewhere so close to you so that you know where he is. The cat didn't want to be in a home with a baby, and that's the cats prerogative.

It would be really rude and ungrateful of you to try and get her to take over responsibility for the cat financially. In your position I'd tell her that she can contact you at any time if she's worried about the cats health, and that you will still be responsible for arranging its vaccinations, vet bills and whatever else.

Yes, she could have shooed the cat away, but what difference would that have made? The cat didn't want to stay with you any more, so he would have either ended up miserable, or going further away. Is that what you would have preferred?

janey68 · 01/09/2013 15:23

If you are absolutely determined that you don't want your cat going there, then you can lock your cat flap put down a litter tray and make all your cats into house cats

That would hardly be fair to any of them, restricting them like that, particularly the one which clearly feels unsettled by a baby being around

Your neighbour is quite within her rights to leave her door open and put down cat food in her own house (particularly as she has a cat!)

The comments about cat stealers are ridiculous. Your cat is choosing to go into her house.

eddiemairswife · 01/09/2013 15:40

I'm in the position of your neighbour. The cat in question has always spent days in my garden since a kitten [he must be about 12 years old]. A few years ago he abandoned his original home and took up residence further down the road. A couple of years ago he started coming in through the catflap to the chagrin of my 2cats and made himself at home on the sofa day and night, always leaving at tea-time to go to his 2nd home for food. Just over a year ago when one of my cats died he started to finish off the other cat's food She has now died and he won't come in any more, but still comes and asks for food each morning, but will only eat it outside.

mrstigs · 01/09/2013 15:51

The day my first child learned to crawl my cat moved next door. He took one look at my suddenly mobile little lad, walked out and never came back! Ungrateful little toad. Grin
Tbf next door neighbours are an old couple that adored him and were cuffed to bits, i gave them the identichip papers and they have taken over everything, they even put him in a cattery when they went on holiday so they didnt have to worry about him! I was very sad but you can't force a cat to stay with you, and given he wasn't keen on living with one mobile kid he wouldnt be at all impressed with the three that rampage all over here now anyway.

Original poster
Wingit · 01/09/2013 16:03

I am not grateful at all! I think it's quite insulting to say that I should be.

I Just feel that if she's willing to let him in her house, willing to feed him, willing to let him stay inside all night then I'm guessing she should be willing to accept him as her cat now? No?

I don't want him to be her cat or anyone elses, I love him dearly and this is actually quite upsetting! I'm pretty sure that if she'd been less accepting of him then I'd see a lot more of him.

How can I arrange his vaccinations if I never see him? How can I worm him on time? How can I know if he needs flea treatment? The difference her shooing him away and not feeding him would mean that he'd come home to get fed every day, probably spend the day sunning himself in my garden, or sleeping in my shed where he has very comfy seats to sleep on and can chill away from my DD.

I will not make my cats house cats. I don't believe cats should be house cats, but that's another thread.

Yes my cat may be choosing to go into her house, doesn't mean she should really be welcoming him with open arms, definitely doesn't mean she should lock him inside her house on a night either. He won't go she says??? Last time I checked it's was pretty easy to just pick up a cat and put them out.

OP posts:
janey68 · 01/09/2013 16:09

But the cat is clearly unsettled in your house. You said your two other cats are fine, but this one isn't.
So why as a cat lover do you want the cat to be thrown out of a house where he's clearly settled and comfortable just because you have some weird idea that he must be happier in your place? Doesn't sound to me like you're putting the cats needs first tbh

If your neighbour was picking him up from the street and locking him in her house despite him yowling then youd have a point. But it seems like the cat has done what all cats do... Decided where he feels most comfortable

Original poster
Wingit · 01/09/2013 16:12

Did I say I wanted him thrown out? No not at all, I'm glad he's safe and happy. I just think it's a bit bloody cheeky for people to try and tell me that I should be grateful, and still pick up the bills if anything happened and to be responsible for all his health care and checks when he's clearly not my cat anymore.

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/09/2013 16:16

I absolutely fucking hate and despise cats. There is no way that I would allow one in my house and if it tried to "choose" to live with me, it would be pretty fucking disappointed

Your neighbour is taking the piss. If she needs any tips to encourage it to return home, I'm happy to pass my best ones on

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