My Cat and My Neighbour. WWYD?

[Wingit]

I have 3 cats. Moved to this house when I was pregnant 2 years ago. Baby is nearly 18 months old now and is noisy, mobile and according to one of my cats obviously generally a pest. The other two cats aren't bothered.

My problem is one of my cats seems to have moved out and taken up residence at a close neighbours house. He wanders in her open back door, either eats her cats food or she feeds him and then sleeps all day in the sun in her garden and she lets him in at night sometimes too.

I'm quite sad. He used to come back every day to be fed, then it got further and further apart and now I'm lucky if he pops over here at all. I've not seen him for 4 days except for sitting on her wall.

I've only spoken to the neighbour about it briefly, I said I was quite sad and that I was worried that if anything happened to him that we may not notice for days because she would think he was here and vice versa. She said the above about his time there and also said that she usually tries to get him out when she leaves the house but "He won't go"

WWYD?

I don't think YABU OP.

You could pop round to the neighbours and say that you are thinking of re-homing him, as you don't feel inclined to be responsible for the vets fees (etc) of an animal you never see. You could say you have come to ask if she would like to take over the care of the cat completely, if that is what you decide.

Would you be prepared to go through with this, actually, if she said yes? (You wouldn't have to go through with it)

The hope would be that she says no, and you can say - well, you'd like one more try to get the cat to return to you, so once the weather turns colder and her doors are shut can she see to it please that she doesn' t let him in/feed him again.

In other words - if you don't want him help me get him back or i'll have to rehome him, basically.

Might work.

Well don't pay for his vets bills any more if you don't want to! You seemed to be asking in your OP though, what you could do to stop the issue of him spending so much time in your neighbours house. And the answer is, not great deal, if your first priority is to ensure your cat is happy and feeling secure (and cats will not settle if they're not secure)
The massive change in your home, with a new baby has proved to be unsettling for this one cat, which is not unusual so IMO it would be cruel to try to prevent him from going where he feels safe

I'm in the same situation op. Our cat has effectively moved in with the neighbours over the back. I've asked them so many times not to feed him or let him into their house. They now deny that they let him in but I see them doing it every bloody day!

This has been going on for almost a year now and I've pretty much given up I'm still paying his insurance but haven't flea/worm treated him because I haven't seen him for long enough. His vax are due anytime now so I'm going to knock the door and ask what the neighbours intend to do about it.

So you think she should stop feeding her own cat in the way she usually does to stop your cat, who you allow out of your home, from feeding at her house, and you think she should spend her days picking him up and putting him out constantly, which is what she would have to do if she didn't want to close her doors?

Personally, I think it's bloody cheeky that people allow pets that they have chosen to keep to go on to other people property at all, but that's what you get with cats and their owners. If your cat came into my house more than once he'd be taken to a rescue centre far far away.

Unbelievable that you think she should have to pay for your cat!

That's the thing though, if she's willing to choose to take him on pretty much as her cat then she should take all the responsibility that goes with it surely?

I guess for me it would be all or nothing.

I wouldn't let someone elses cat come into my house and eat my cats food. Nor would I feed them because they ate my cats food otherwise, nor would I let them in to sleep on the sofa all day then lock the doors on a night and not pop the cat out when doing so.

Personally, I think it's bloody cheeky that people allow pets that they have chosen to keep to go on to other people property at all, but that's what you get with cats and their owners

Yes - this. Particularly when said pets shit everywhere and your neighbours are expected to just clean it up

However, this neighbour seems to like cats so presumably she's happy to be cleaning her pram wheels and shoes twice a week.

That is a slight diversion from the actual issue in hand though. Not sure you can just stop paying the cat's vet bills though without discussing and agreeing with her beforehand

Sunglasses

Do you have cats try and come into your house? Do you even have a cat?

I have a few that have chanced their luck once or twice to get in my house. I shooed them off and they don't try again after a couple of times.

So yes, I think she should have just put him out the first few times he tried to get in. Then he wouldn't have kept going back.

I'm not arsed how she feeds her cat or when or where, but i would just expect her to shoo a cat that doesn't belong to her away!

But re the vaccinations etc, can't you just catch the thing and trot off to the vets?

It surely must be out of her house/garden at some point?

Fluffy

That's an option I suppose. Good suggestion. Thank you.

I understand that it's hurtful (I have a super-social cat who literally does the rounds of the neighbourhood each day!) but think of the wellbeing of your cat. Some cats love kidsothers really hate them and get terribly stressed around them. Your cat is sending a clear signal that it can't cope - and has found a loving person with a slightly quieter house to go to! You can still see it, but it prefers being there right now. Isn't this in many ways a good solution to a practical problem? Isn't it better than the cat getting sick with anxiety (and, like humans, they really can get ill from stress).

Would you re-home the cat OP, if you can't entice him back and the nieighbour doesn't want proper responsibility? I'd rather that htan have him shut out and wandering when winter comes.

I think if you are going to allow an animal to spend such allot of time in your home then you shouldn't be surprised if the rightful owners come round and ask if you want to keep it/pay for it properly.

It's being a responsible owner.

Yes, cats have come into my house. I woke up in the middle of the night to one in my bedroom once, it was horrible.

Until we got a dog, I couldn't leave our upstairs landing window open because of next doors cats came in. DH would just chuck them back out the window (it has a ledge underneath) because I'm not touching the manky feckers.

They still come in our garden on a daily basis though, so the dog is now trained to bark and run out there any time we say the word cat.

Gobbolino

Sure, I could phone up the vets and make an appointment then realise my cat is locked in the neighbour's house when the day/time of the appointment comes round and they're out...

Surely he must leave her house garden at some point I wouldn't know would I? I've seen him once in 4 days sat on her coal bunker.

I think I'd be having the talk with her about transferring ownership and responsibilities.

Let her know in writing, and keep a copy, that if she keeps allowing the cat in, then you'll stop cat insurance, etc. and if the cat is ill or injured, she's responsible for his care.
Or... that you'll report her for theft if you see it inside her house.

An alternative would be to share responsibilities. Share health costs and so on.

Ask her informally what she prefers.

I wouldn't have him shut out and wandering about when winter comes fluffy

I have a perfectly good shed, with very comfy chairs inside that is always open at the bottom of my garden. This is where the cat in question spent a lot of his sleep time prior to my neighbour letting him sleep in her house.

He'd come in get fed in the kitchen with the others and then go sleep in the sun in the garden or in the shed if it was raining. When the baby was in bed he would come in for a cuddle on my lap.

Keep your cats in the house like all cat owners should.

It is quite easy to keep another person's cat out of your house if you have a cat flap. Get one that works with a magnetic ball on your cat's collar and then only your own cat can come in.

OP, if you want your cat back GO AND GET IT! Keep it in for a few days and make it feel like you do actually care about it and hopefully it will then decide to stay.

Miss

I did keep him in for a few days, it was a few weeks ago when he had a gash on his leg, I cleaned it every day and waited until it healed before I let him back out. He wasn't freaked out by the baby at the time either, he just stays out of her way mostly sleeping on the kitchen chairs or on the back of the sofa up high.

I don't think he was stressed by dd at all,I think he just likes a quiet life tbh. He just spent a bit more time out as it's summer.

No, OP, i wasn't suggesting that you'd let him wander in the winter :) It sounds like a nice set up he has with the shed!

I was just musing that if the neighbours wont take him on properly/get fed up with him and if you cant get him to come home, then a re-homing would be sad, but best.

Things might change naturally when the weather does, and your toddler grows a little bit.

I have 2 cats of my own, and a neighbours cat (well fed) dearly wants to be allowed to roam in our house. We have patio doors that are open allot when it's nice and she loiters with intent very often. I hiss, though, and she backs off. She knows now that i'll pet her in the garden, but she's not welcome over the threshold.

Going by your OP, you say this one cat is bothered by the baby. I think the fairest thing to do, given that your cat is clearly more comfortable and happier being in a quieter environment, and given that you arent happy to continue paying vets bills, is rehome him .

By all means speak to the neighbour and see if she's happy to take him on but if not then let him go to a home he's comfortable in with an owner who will pay for injections etc
It's not uncommon for this to happen... I frequently see adverts for cats needing rehoming because the home circumstances have changed.

I just don't think it's fair to try to prevent him from going elsewhere, or to expect your neighbour to continually put him outside or change her feeding arrangements for her own pets just because of yours

This happened to my parents cat, big ginger tom who was lovely. He decided he preferred the people down the lane, they discussed it with them and they all agreed he could stay there!

He led a very nice life, fresh chicken and fish as treats and was spoilt rotten

Mummytowillow

Did the people down the lane agree to take full responsibility for your parents cat? Or did your parents continue to take him to the vet for vaccinations and pay for and administer all the flea/worming treatments etc?

wingit - no. You catch it. Keep it in the house and then make the appointment with the vet.

Obviously you wouldn't waste the vet's time with issues witg your neighbour regarding custody of your cat.

I think in all honesty if your cat has taken against your baby that much then either ask the neighbour to rehome permanently or get it rehomed properly

I had 3 cats but the older one got fed up with the two younger ones and moved over a mile away (other side of a railway line!) She'd come home for a feed every couple of days or so. In the end, I put a note on her collar asking her new home to get in touch (she was fat and well cared for so I knew she was being fed somewhere). A very nice gentleman who worked from home rang me and said she visited him every day and was spending longer and longer periods with him. We shared care for a number of months with her visits to us becoming more and more infrequent. In the end he formally adopted her - I was so sad as I'd had her from a kitten, microchipped, insured etc and adored her. But she was an 'only' cat and couldn't bear to share with the younger ones.
If the cat's not happy... they are free spirits...