To not feel comfortable being alone with a random man installing internet at home?

[HopLittleFroggyHopHopHop]

I know I'm probably being over anxious, but I get quite panicky if I'm anywhere not public with males I don't know. I'm nowhere near as bad as I was a couple of years back, but I'm still worrying about the person due to come over incase it's a man, as it will just be me (and baby DD).

If I phoned and asked for a woman to do it would they be likely to agree or am I being ridiculous? (I know logically its unlikely anything would happen-but still panic and run through scenarios)

Openreach have lots of female engineers

Years ago washing machine broke down. Hotpoint engineer made joke about you ladies getting your knickers stuck in back of drum. I reported him.

Sky engineer turned up with an apprentice & was so rude. Think he was showing off in front of apprentice, who was mortified. I can & did hold my own, but was livid at this fool being able to walk in my home then be sarcastic & disrespectful.

Had gas inspections to be done once, & HA sent 3 men round. I was NOT happy & immediately phoned to complain. The guys were pleasant but I don't want 3 men in my home especially when I'm alone. Its intimidating.

I do think you have a point 0P, some companies are just thoughtless.Better to ask client if they prefer female operative but I know in reality that's not entirely possible, unfortunately. If DP can't be around I normally get my neighbour to wander over

3 men intimidating Mistress dee - really?

The responses on this thread make me so sad.

OP obviously needs some counselling to sort her issues out.

The rest of you seriously need to get a grip.

This fear is unreasonable, I think you need to get some form of therapy OP. In the short term get a friend over or go out, they won't ransack your house.

Have the radio on

Have the back door open

maybe make a phone call to a friend as soon as you've let him in and shown him what to do

All things that might make you more comfortable.

Maybe (taking the engineers age into consideration) you just picture him as somebody's: husband, dad, son.

Remember he wants to: turn up, do the job, move on. He's trained and professional and there because you invited him.

You'll be fine.

ah its always a wonderful feeling when someone assumes your a rapist purely because of your gender, not soul. crushing at all.

Sinful - very few women feel that way. I imagine the OP has more deep-seated issues.

I had an unpleasant experience with a meter reader. I complained. I tried to get meters read on days when I knew I could have someone around. I thought it would be only once a flood. However the company flagged me as 'vulnerable' so I had a meter reader every quarter. It was also really, really, really hard to arrange dates.

btw - I once had a tradesman visit when I needed some work done. I explained that I couldn't help with the lifting as recently had dislocated my shoulders.

He leered closer and asked whether it had happened when my husband had tied me to the bed during kinky sex. I gave a flat 'no' and spent the rest of his visit clutching my massive, psychotic tom cat in front of me. I was so glad to see him go.

It is horrible knowing from past experience (not all disclosed here) that when a strange man comes into your home you are not necessarily safe. The OP has a right in this case to take steps to feel secure, within reason. For me it is usually having someone else around within shouting distance.

OP I think YABU in the sense that your fears are not justified or grounded. Men are just other human beings, mostly kindly (some not), in this case coming to your house to do a job you have asked them to do. I imagine 99% of the male engineers at BT would be mortified if they thought they were making a mum and her small daughter upset.

That said, fears are not reasonable or justified, necessarily. So I think as others have said, take steps to make yourself as comfortable as possible in this scenario, but then do, please, get help. Another poster said don't pass this fear onto DD, and whilst that might sound harsh, I think she is right.

I remember someone telling me once that a phobia is defined as an unreasonable fear which you nonetheless modify your life around, like not being able to walk past a spider on the stairs. I don't know if that's right but it strikes me that your behaviour isn't usual and you should get treatment.

I hope you're okay.

Nancy66

You'd be surprised, if I'm out late at night or if the street is deserted, I do often get looks from women, especially if we're both waiting for something such as a train or bus, that are quite scared/intimidated and you know that they're worried I might attack them. It's a horrible feeling best I can do is give a little smile maybe say hello, this is the only time I talk to someone in the street AD I hate doing it and I know most people hate it when strangers speak to them to, but the only other option is look at them and say "look I'm not going to rape you, stop looking at me like that" and I think that would go down worse :p

But I know if I do say hello it will inevitably end up somewhere in a conversation"why do men always try to talk to you in the street they don't do it to othermen" it's because other men don't look at us like we're going to attack them.

If there's any specific etiquette we men can adhere to to stop you looking at us like rapists waiting to pounce then please share.

Sorry for typos on phone

For heaven's sake, sinful. Maybe they are creeped out by a total stranger saying hello and smiling at them at a bus stop. That's what I would be thinking, and I am no fragile flower. The last time someone tried to grope me at night on the street, he ended up with a broken nose.

There are lots of things you could do if you are genuinely interested in making it plain you are not a threat. Don't walk along a deserted street late at night a foot behind a woman who is alone. If she stands aside and obviously wants you to pass her out so she can see you, do so without comment. If she crosses the street, don't shout 'I'm not a rapist, you know!'

If you are waiting at a bus shelter with a lone woman, you simply don't need to engage. Read a book, check your phone messages, don't stand an inch from her. It's not difficult.

Everlong, I really don't know what your problem is.
The Op's fears ARE totally irrational and unreasonable. I suspect that nearly all of us agree with this. There is no logic or reasoning to her fears.
That's is why, I and many many other people have said to her that she needs cbt, or some sort of counselling.

How is that not supportive?
It is supportive.
It is encouraging her to get help to address her irrational fears.
Which bit EXACTLY of my post, are you actually disagreeing with.
Which bit is untrue?
Which bit is unsupportive?
None of it untrue. None is unsupportive.

I have no idea why my post or anyone else's has got your goat. The whole thread has been nothing but supportive to OP.

And whatever2, similar:
"The responses on this thread make me so sad.
OP obviously needs some counselling to sort her issues out.
The rest of you seriously need to get a grip.

Err, what makes you sad?
I and lots of others suggested counselling.
So why do I need to get a grip?

What's "ridiculous"?
She has irrational fears. She needs counselling.

Which bit is ridiculous? Which bit of the above, are you disputing?
Nope. Didn't think you would be able to find it.

This level of anxiety is positively disabling IMO. Very worrying indeed. How do you manage with day to day interactions with men? Do you have any idea what has caused this issue? Do you feel safe going outside without your DP or males that you trust?

OP needs to get help with her anxiety about tradesmen. They are doing their jobs.

It is an irrational fear.

To someone that has fears and anxieties do you think it's supportive to say those fears are ridiculous unrealistic and unfounded?

Maybe to you this particular fear are of the above but to the OP they aren't.

The OP as good as admits they are.

That doesn't stop the fears existing but she recognises they are, logically, unfounded.

OP, you can try to ask for a female - I suspect they are rare though. As others have said, in the short term can you arrange for someone to be with you and, as a longer term solution, can you consider some kind of they? It would make your life easier :)

I'm sorry you seem to be picking on me Everlong.
But the majority of this thread has said that Op's fears are totally irrational.

I haven't said anything, that others aren't saying.
I have no idea why you are picking on ME,
but

usualsuspect: irrational
lazeyjaney: unreasonable

Nearly everyone agrees that these fears are not normal and that she needs counselling and support.

But YOU, for some unknown reason, have an issue with this.

I am at a loss to understand why you are focusing on me.

On no. Now I get it. You focused on LaGuardia and SilverApples, now it's my turn.

Please just leave me alone.

I don't like it either, when it's just me or me and DC.
I keep reminding myself the appointment is scheduled so this is a person who is expected and traceable, not someone random off the street. You can try asking when you book if any women are available but I'd bet with internet stuff there often won't be; but at least where I live there are enough Muslim immigrants no one should be surprised by the request. You can try having a friend round if the visit's scheduled better than the usual "sometime between 6 a.m. and midnight," or Footface's idea of a call-in later is clever. But I don't think being a bit nervous is that unusual, because it is sort of weird, when else would you have a strange man in your house?