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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel comfortable being alone with a random man installing internet at home?

102 replies

HopLittleFroggyHopHopHop · 01/09/2013 10:55

I know I'm probably being over anxious, but I get quite panicky if I'm anywhere not public with males I don't know. I'm nowhere near as bad as I was a couple of years back, but I'm still worrying about the person due to come over incase it's a man, as it will just be me (and baby DD).

If I phoned and asked for a woman to do it would they be likely to agree or am I being ridiculous? (I know logically its unlikely anything would happen-but still panic and run through scenarios)

OP posts:
SilverApples · 01/09/2013 15:08

It does seem an excessively sensitive response that is impacting on the life of the OP though, everlong. I just wondered if her nervousness had an origin.
Personally, I'm happy letting workmen in the house and am not nervous of being alone with a male I don't know.
But she is, so getting help with the anxiety seems like a way forwards.
Or building up a list of female plumbers, electricians and the like, and hiding when the meter reader shows up. It's worrying that she's that afraid.

LaGuardia · 01/09/2013 15:30

I don't remember ever hearing a story about a booked tradesman attacking a customer. YABU.

pianodoodle · 01/09/2013 15:39

I don't remember ever hearing a story about a booked tradesman attacking a customer. YABU

There was a thread on here a while back where a woman was upset after being groped by someone who was working in her bathroom.

Hopefully these cases are few and far between but just because you haven't heard about it doesn't mean it hasn't happened or isn't a possibility.

That said I believe the risk is small enough that it doesn't make me anxious but where someone is maybe have a friend over or someone to phone while they are there.

exoticfruits · 01/09/2013 15:43

You could ask but I would get help for your over anxiety. Boiler men, electricians etc are generally men- you are in the house alone with them- it is just normal.

CiderBomb · 01/09/2013 15:50

Is this BT infinity? When we had ours installed the man was in and out in less than about fifteen minutes it it makes you feel any better?

I do know what you mean though about letting strangers into the house when your alone.

comingalongnicely · 01/09/2013 15:54

If you're that worried then do without the internet or arrange for a friend to be with you when they install it...

GingerBlondecat · 01/09/2013 15:58

((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))) OP. Brew

eddiemairswife · 01/09/2013 16:05

When I went on broadband a few months ago the postman delivered the Homehub; the instructions were inside and I did it myself. Some years ago when I first got a computer we just brought it home connected everything and that was it.

SuperiorCat · 01/09/2013 16:05

By all means ask, but it may not be possible.

I second the suggestions of getting someone else round or pottering in the garden if you don't want to be in the house.

A lot of companies now CRB check employees who go into other people's houses - I know CRB clear doesn't make them a nice person but it may be a bit of reassurance.

crypes · 01/09/2013 16:06

I completely understand , a few years ago a man turned up unannounced from water company informing me I had a leaking pipe and wanted to turn my water off to carry out tests. As soon as he walked through the door I felt suspicious about he's I.D and altho my elderly mum was with me I felt vulnerable (It just felt an odd scenerio) so I just said " no I don't want you in any further actually can you go away" so he did and there was never any trouble with a leaking pipe. He had a water company van but I just didn't like him in my home.

everlong · 01/09/2013 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 01/09/2013 16:24

Has anybody told her she shouldn't feel like she should ? Apart from a strangely unsympathetic response from one poster, I think everyone has been very kind (as they should)

everlong · 01/09/2013 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack · 01/09/2013 16:28

In this particular situation then YABU.

His job will entail spending all day, every day alone with people in their own homes. There's absolutely nothing whatsoever to suggest that you would be any more at risk from an assault than any of the other 20? 40? 80? lone women he visits every single week and manages not to rape.

There's clearly issues at play for you tho. Take care.

OhDearNigel · 01/09/2013 16:44

I second the counselling.

However, if an internet installation man is going to try something on with you, he would have done it before. People would have complained and he would have been sacked. Hence it's very unlikely that you are going to come to harm from a vetted, employed representative of a reputable company that is on a prearranged visit

cumfy · 01/09/2013 18:52

If the worst comes to the worst you can just pop-out and leave him to it.

Something could get nicked, but you'll be OK.

voiceofnoreason · 01/09/2013 18:58

If the chap is from BT - you can ask for his ID before you let him in. You can then telephone BT Security on 0800 321 999 and verify that the person is who they say they are. If they refuse or get shirty about it - call the same number and make a complaint. They will know who is visiting at exactly what time (the vans all have tracking devices!) and it will be on their work roster.

It is taken extraordinarily seriously. Knowing someone who works there - a complaint about poor behaviour from an engineer would go the CEO of Openreach (a Woman) extraordinarily quickly and i also gather that she would deal with it personally.

My experience is that they are usually hardworking, polite and will always take shoes off if asked and are generally dying for a cup of tea!

SilverApples · 01/09/2013 19:01

I wasn't unsympathetic, she feels how she feels. Confused

Lweji · 01/09/2013 19:15

I wouldn't let a random man in, but anyone with an appointment, then yes.

appletarts · 01/09/2013 19:17

I sometimes pretend to be on the phone when work men are in the house, sort of acts as a witness if they're having any sinister thoughts, or actually be on the phone. Or my nutter mother used to call upstairs to pretend husband feeling poorly in bed "be up in a minute love" sort of nonsense. Bloody sad women still feel so vulnerable. If it's not a specific fear linked to past event op then learn a martial art so you can kick any mans arse if need be.

Purple2012 · 01/09/2013 19:20

Yabu but that's the problem with anxiety, it is unreasonable and ridiculous. You can't help your feelings even if you know it's unreasonable.

My anxiety is about my DH being in a car crash or dying in his sleep. I know I'm being daft but I can't stop the thoughts.

I think you need to get help for this though or it will never get better.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 01/09/2013 20:12

Voiceofnoreason gives great advice - write down that number !

Oblomov · 03/09/2013 19:40

Unlike everyone else who thinks YANBU, I think YABU. Totally unreasonable. I have no idea what prompted your anxiety but it really does need to be dealt with, by cbt, or some sort of counselling.
Your fears are totally ridiculous and unrealistic and unfounded. So please do address this. Don't pass this on to your children.

ratspeaker · 03/09/2013 21:11

Did you ask them about a woman OP?
YANBU to ask

As to other tradespersons
Yes most boiler repair people will be male but I have had a female engineer from British Gas service my boiler.
There is also at least one firm in my city ( Edinburgh)that has all female plumbers, I also know of another plumbing/gas firm that is so + so and son and grandaughter
When my mum lived in Bristol all the work she had done in the house, electrics/plumbing/joinery was done by women.
Her funeral director was female btw.
So there are trades firms out there if you search.

everlong · 03/09/2013 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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