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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to encourage the dog to sleep in ds2's room (4yo)?

76 replies

lecce · 01/09/2013 08:00

Dog is 5 month old puppy and we have had her for about 7 weeks. She is a lurcher GS and an absolute softy though, like all puppies, she can be nippy and scratchy in play. She and ds2 adore each other.

Dh and I have had endless problems this year and our relationship is shaky, to say the least. Partly this is because of his health issues. He has MS, the symptoms of which have worsened this year, and has always been prone to allergies. He always takes the once a day stuff but, in the 11 years I have known him, barely a day goes by without him sniffling over something. We had our previous dog for 10 years and he caused dh no problems. We also had a long-haired cat for 9 years and, though he caused dh to scratch if he went near his pillow, it was nothing dramatic.

This dog is the same type as our previous. Up until last Saturday there were no issues. Then dh started this awful wheezing. It sounds dreadful and is far worse than any other reaction I have known him to have. He says it must be the dog and, having googled it, I see it is not impossible for people to develop reactions to pets they have previously been ok with.

Dog sleeps in our room (I know, I know) and we have agreed this needs to stop. Last night she howled and scratched for an hour, with dh getting increasingly irate, though I was prepared to see it through. He finally snapped, "Just bring her up!" so I went and slept on the sofa with her - clearly not a long-term solution. Dh has offered to sleep in the attic but this is either not a long-term solution or will be and will bring the end of our relationship, imo.

To make it all worse, and part of the reason for the strain on us, ds2 has only just started sleeping through after 4 years of partial co-sleeping, causing me endless disturbed nights. Now, just as he sorts it, this starts, and it feels like the final straw.

In these circumstances, would IBU to place the dog's bed in ds2's room (she is clean and quiet in our room).

Btw, dh is going to see his dr next week and we are researching air-purifiers. I know if he says he wants rid of the dog, I will have to agree Sad, but he says no at this stage.

OP posts:
HatieKokpins · 01/09/2013 08:02

Dogs shouldn't be in bedrooms, sorry. And certainly not unsupervised in young children's bedrooms.

BatwingsAndButterflies · 01/09/2013 08:02

Seems a good solution if you can trust the dog and DS, he is not a tiny baby.

forevergreek · 01/09/2013 08:07

I wouldn't. It wouldn't be very good for ds to breathe in door hair either

He needs to be trained to sleep downstairs

Accidentallyquirky · 01/09/2013 08:22

IMO it's a bad idea, I have a 4yr old and I'd never ever leave her in a room alone with a dog.

You say the dogs a softy but what if your child wakes up and aggravates him and the dog retaliates?

If that was my family and my home, the dog would have to go - sorry

Booboostoo · 01/09/2013 08:23

In health terms sleeping in the same room as dogs and cats reduces the incidence of respiratory conditions and allergies in young children so I wouldn't worry about that.

There is nothing wrong with dogs sleeping in bedrooms and/or on beds as long as you don't mind them being there. The only problem is if dogs start resource guarding the bed which is something that has to be dealt with asap, but this is not an issue for many dogs.

My only concern is that the dog is young and DS is young and together they may do something silly, e.g. the dog may jump on DS's face is excitment and scratch him. The best solution is to crate train the puppy (if you are not familiar with this you do need to read up on it and do it slowly and properly) and then have the puppy sleep in its crate in the same room as DS.

Mumtochops12 · 01/09/2013 08:25

I really wouldn't risk this. There was a story in the news a few years ago about either a lurcher or a whippet who attacked its owner in the middle of the night, it was sleeping on her bed. I think she had disturbed the dog and it just went for her. Also you run the risk of the dog becoming possessive over the child whose room it's sleeping in, or the room itself. The problem is with dogs you just don't know what they're thinking or what they're capable of. I have two large Akitas and an 8month old boy and although they don't seem fussed about him either way, I would never ever leave them alone with him even for a second.

You've probably tried this but we let our first dog sleep with a couple of cuddly toys that had our scent on, so firstly she thought she had her litter mates with her and secondly a familiar smell.

Good luck, please don't let it sleep in child's room though, not worth the risk.

TartanRug · 01/09/2013 08:30

Absolutely not. I am not a fan of dogs in bedrooms at all and I think to leave a puppy in a 4 year old's bedroom is ludicrous (in my opinion plenty of others will disagree and that's fine). Our pup is 4 months and we all love him dearly but he sleeps in his bed downstairs and is not even allowed upstairs never mind sleeping in the bedroom. Partly because I don't think it's hygienic to have dogs on beds and partly because I don't want him to choke to death on a piece of lego or something.

Canidae · 01/09/2013 08:34

Your DS is younger than I would like to have them unsupervised IMO. I had my dog sleep in with me from around 8/9. Yes we are a family of 'dogs sleep anywhere' people.

I thin it would help your dh if some areas of the house could be dog free plus it would be easier to keep hair/dander under control if dog was just downstairs. It would take some time and training to get her to settle but I think you would have more chance of keeping her.

Good luck.

Sunnysummer · 01/09/2013 08:35

Why does he have to be in a bedroom at all? Could you crate train him in another room?

coco27 · 01/09/2013 08:53

OMG! NO No No!
I don't think you should have the dog in the house at all if it is making your DH ill

CreatureRetorts · 01/09/2013 08:56

I would get rid of the dog. Do you vacuum daily? Euthanasia decent HEPA type vacuum? Might be necessary - I get incredible reactions if I sleep somewhere where dogs have been, eg a holiday cottage which appears clean. So feel sorry for your DH.

hettienne · 01/09/2013 09:03

I think 4 is too young to be left unsupervised with a dog to be honest - maybe 8+ is more realistic. You need to persevere with training the dog to sleep downstairs.

JumpingJackSprat · 01/09/2013 09:08

you have only had the dog for 7 weeks - should your DH really be expected to love for the next 10-15 years suffering such a severe allergic reaction to the dog? I think hard as it may be I would be have to rehome the puppy. And if I was keeping it, I wouldn't allow the dog to sleep in a kids room, Id be crate training it so it can happily stay downstairs overnight.

QueenofLouisiana · 01/09/2013 09:25

I wouldn't. DMutt sleeps in our room and is very happy there, we aren't bothered by her. However, she is trained not to go into DS's room at all. I worry that she would eat lego or tread on it and hurt her paws or he would get cross and shout at her.

At 4 I didn't leave him with her on his own at all. She is lovely, but still an animal and can't be held responsible if she gets cross with him and snaps. Even at 8 I prefer to be able to see what DS is doing when DMutt is about.

GhostsInSnow · 01/09/2013 10:01

I wouldn't. Too much of a risk. My dog is an old man now, slightly deaf and a bit blind. Sometimes when he's deep in sleep if you touch him he wakes up with a start and occasionally a snap.
Whilst I think its unlikely a young dog would wake up startled to a 4 yo stroking him in a morning it is one of many scenarios that could end up with him snapping at her.
At 5 months he's a baby and will just be starting to test boundaries. It's around 5 - 9 months where they start to get a bit snappy and see who's boss. It's risky.

Personally I'd buy a crate, pop him in overnight in the kitchen until he's used to being in there.

landrover · 01/09/2013 10:03

Dont wish to be mean but you say youve had dogs before? so you must had trained them to sleep quietly at nights, housetrained them etc?

Morgause · 01/09/2013 10:10

Your poor DH. I think the dog needs to go. He will still get a reaction to it in any space the dog uses and that can get very serious, very quickly.

EasyToEatTiger · 01/09/2013 10:14

Our dogs sleep in our room. I don't find this a problem as long as they move if they're asked. Dc aged 7 now has a dog in her room every now and again. I wouldn't let her have a new dog in her room, and please remember that children are not always well behaved around animals. I think 4 is too young to have a dog in the bedroom. Crate training could be a way ahead. Lots of people swear by it.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 01/09/2013 10:21

It is not your dcs job to babysit the dog so he's quiet. It's yours. I love dogs but its bloody stupid to have it in the kids room all night unsupervised. They could easily hurt each other by accident . Only your child won't be the one forced stay in kennels whilst authorities decide if he should go home.

Please either train the dog yourself or rehome to so done who has the knowledge and time and energy to train out of the habit.

Please think very carefully about your DHs health and how far you are willing to go to fix the solution and do what's right by the dog.

InternationalPower · 01/09/2013 10:34

Imo a 4 yo should never be unsupervised with a dog - to leave them alone when the rest of the household is asleep is ridiculous.

Tbh if my dh was as ill as yours, i would be doing everything i could to help -certainly nothing that might make him worse and the dog would gave to go

candycoatedwaterdrops · 01/09/2013 10:43

YABU. It's a very bad idea especially as the dog is still a pup. I second the idea of crate training in another room.

thegreylady · 01/09/2013 10:46

My dog slept in my room all his life ( back in 40s/50s). I was 3 when we got him and 14 when he died. He was a great hot water bottle.

everlong · 01/09/2013 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bronya · 01/09/2013 10:54

Yes, in a large crate, door shut.

kali110 · 01/09/2013 11:09

Its really up tp you op if you think you can trust them together.
To everyone who say the dog shouldnt be in the bedroom, thats your view not everyone feels the same.
The family dog slept in my patents room for 18 years. Now my two cats sleep in the bedroom. Feel lost if theyre not their.
I do think though as pup is so young and your child is really young that maybe they shouldn't be unsupervised atmo as theyre so young.