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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU....to insist my DD (almost 18) gets a bloody job before we teach her to drive?

88 replies

SmallerThanSmall · 31/08/2013 15:34

DD thinks the world owes her and we are out of order for refusing to teach her to drive if she doesn't get off her arse and get a job.
Today was the final straw when she got her hair done and was going to borrow money for (another) piercing, then asked if we could pay for her driving licence, oh, and don't forget I need all new stuff for school!...

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 31/08/2013 15:36

Yanbu. Stick to your guns.

pinkdelight · 31/08/2013 15:40

Are there jobs around that she can get?

MamaTo3Boys · 31/08/2013 15:42

YANBU what's the point in learning to drive if you can't afford the car?

BarbarianMum · 31/08/2013 15:44

If she's at school I take it she has no need of a license now. A driving license can be very useful (and even essential) when seeking employment.

So the best thing for her to do would be to earn or save money to pay for a provisional license and driving lessons. Perhaps if she demonstrates her dedication by doing this, you'll be inclined to help her?

YANBU - stick to your guns.

frogspoon · 31/08/2013 15:51

It's not a case of being reasonable or unreasonable. If you want to pay, pay. If you don't, then don't.

You mentioned she is still at school, so if she gets a job she will have less time to focus on her studies. Plenty of teens do get a job though.

Has she actually tried to get a job, but is just finding it hard in this economic climate, or has she not bothered?

Have you considered that with only public transport, she may find it hard to find a job within commutable distance without being able to drive.

dolcelatte · 31/08/2013 15:56

She sounds like a normal teenager TBH!

Driving is a useful skill and the sooner they learn the better - can she do jobs around the house in exchange for help with lessons etc?

CustardOmlet · 31/08/2013 15:58

Plenty of people study and work at the same time, I had two jobs whilst at college. And if she's got money to waste on piercings she can pay her own lessons.

teenagetantrums · 31/08/2013 16:00

YANBU, I told my 17 year old I would pay for licence when he had saved money for lessons, I don't have a car, he got £300 for his birthday and spent it all, so no licence, that was 2 years ago, he still cant drive, but as we live in London he really does not need to, I will still pay for prov licence if he ever gets his act together.

Viking1 · 31/08/2013 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

comingalongnicely · 31/08/2013 16:05

Trouble is, the price of lessons is only ever going to go up, so best to get it done while it's cheapish.

YANBU if you're paying for everything for her & she's not even attempting to chip in though....

NadiaWadia · 31/08/2013 16:10

If she is planning on going away to university later, I would really advise you/her to get lessons now while still at home. It is much easier in practical terms.

DD did this and managed to pass at 18 while in 6th form. But she has friends who are trying to learn while at uni and it is very difficult for them to arrange consistent lessons whilst sometimes in the university town, and then almost half the year back home.

Besides, like someone else said, it is a useful life skill which might help her get a job in the future, and it is probably easier the younger you are. So I would say help her if you possibly can.

NadiaWadia · 31/08/2013 16:14

Oh and she paid for lessons from her allowance.

redexpat · 31/08/2013 16:16

Please make sure she learns to drive before she leaves home. It really is a life skill.

Perhaps split the costs with her? She pays for the license and you the driving lessons. or you pay the first 15 lessons or something?

twistyfeet · 31/08/2013 16:16

yanbu. If she wants to learn to drive then let her contribute. I'm amazed at how many college and university aged kids dont work and think they need cars and think someone else should pay for it. Doesnt happen in Chez Twisty. None of my 3 adult kids can drive (none wanted too) as they have all gone to or are at universities in cities with buses (we dont own a car either) and didnt want to fork out hard earned cash. They bought fancy gadgets instead

Doilooklikeatourist · 31/08/2013 16:16

DS learnt to drive whist in 6th form .
I paid for some lessons for his 17th birthday , and for him to take the theory test .
He paid for his first test ( that he failed ) his Grandprents paid for the second , that he passed .
He drives DHs car , and he pays half the cost of the insurance , and half the petrol
So YANBU to make her pay

Almostfifty · 31/08/2013 16:23

We paid for all our boys driving lessons. I think it's an essential life skill, particularly where we live, which is in quite a remote area. They are on my car insurance and get points towards their own no claims once they get their own cars.

The payback is that when we go out, one of them picks us up usually.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 31/08/2013 16:24

Do you know how hard it is to find a job? Never mind if you are 17, have no previous experience and cannot be flexible.

Learning to drive is essential and will only help the job search infact.

Would you refuse to pay for your 7 year old to learn to swim because they wouldn't tidy their room? When are your duties as a parent suddenly redundant? 15? 16? 17?

Longdistance · 31/08/2013 16:24

Yanbu at all.

I was the teenager who worked part time and studied at college during the day. I'd work Wednesday, Thursday evening, Saturday morning, and Sunday afternoon. I used to be up til 2am sometimes studying, or writing essays.
The part time job paid for my driving lessons, then my car and petrol. It was a good stepping stone into the world of work.

SilverApples · 31/08/2013 16:26

Neither of mine can drive yet, combination of lack of money on parents' part, living in an area with good transport and me feeling that confident use of public transport is also a vital life skill.
At least they know how to travel and pack accordingly!

twistyfeet · 31/08/2013 16:35

I dont see learning to drive as essential. I didnt learn till mid 20's and now cant drive anymore for medical reasons. DH never learned. Its never held us back. So far the kids havent been held back. If they need to drive they can learn after university. Like I did.
And to be honest, we could never afford the lessons for one of them, let alone 4. And we dont have a car for them to practice in. They all know how to catch buses, trains and planes. And cycle.

dementedma · 31/08/2013 16:35

I have two post teen dds, neither of whom have a job despite putting in loads of applications. Neither can drive because we/they can't afford it although dd1 has had some lessons paid for out of her dole. Between us we paid the 65quid it cost to put her on my insurance for one month so she could practice. Without a job she can't afford any more, and round here, without a car you are pretty stuffed jobwise. Finding a job is not as easy as some parents might think

Viking1 · 31/08/2013 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverApples · 31/08/2013 16:38

Twisty, I learned in my 30s and OH can't drive.
Good to know we are not alone amongst the OMG How Will They Cope?
Walking too, let's not forget that walking up to 5 miles shouldn't be a problem for most able-bodied YAs. Cuts down on the obesity as well.

SilverApples · 31/08/2013 16:41

Swimming is a lifesaver. Neither of mine are in danger of dying if they can't drive.
But they both swim confidently in full clothing.

vickchick · 31/08/2013 16:42

Spoilt children are the outcome of parents who can't/won't say 'no'- stick to your guns and she will quickly realise that the world doesn't owe her a living. If not, be prepared for this behaviour to continue well into her 20s and 30s.

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