Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU....to insist my DD (almost 18) gets a bloody job before we teach her to drive?

88 replies

SmallerThanSmall · 31/08/2013 15:34

DD thinks the world owes her and we are out of order for refusing to teach her to drive if she doesn't get off her arse and get a job.
Today was the final straw when she got her hair done and was going to borrow money for (another) piercing, then asked if we could pay for her driving licence, oh, and don't forget I need all new stuff for school!...

OP posts:

twistyfeet · 31/08/2013 16:43

walking? Really?
ds and dd1 reguarly walk 7 miles or so. Usually when pissed cos they've missed the nightbus. tsk

cushtie335 · 31/08/2013 16:43

I can't drive but DD is desperate to learn when she turns 17 next year. She just got a part time job in July and is saving three quarters of her wages to buy a car. With that kind of commitment from her, I'm happy to chip in for lessons. YANBU. Your daughter needs to contribute to her own progress in some way, it can't all come from you. And to whoever said she sounds like a "normal teenager" I would dispute that, all my DDs friends are getting jobs and making their own way without sponging off their parents.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 31/08/2013 16:44

Erm, reread the analogy. Who said anything about a 7 year old getting a job?

Perhaps just have differennt views of what being a parent means.

cushtie335 · 31/08/2013 16:47

Well to me being a parent means setting your children up with independence and a sense of responsibility which they're unlikely to get if they expect Mum and Dad to pay for everything.

SilverApples · 31/08/2013 16:48

'Would you refuse to pay for your 7 year old to learn to swim because they wouldn't tidy their room? When are your duties as a parent suddenly redundant? 15? 16? 17?'

I see my duty as a parent to raise an independent and responsible adult who recognises how to organise what they want in order of priority.
Who also realises that learning to drive for example involves lessons, a vehicle, insurance, road tax and petrol, servicing and MOT. And the money to pay for it, year on year.
They have both become very independent as we live in an area with excellent rail and bus services, and are both good walkers.

NadiaWadia · 31/08/2013 16:49

Just because you have driving licence it doesn't follow you have to have a car! DD doesn't, it is unnecessary right now and it would be difficult to have one while at uni, as the universities don't like to give students a parking permit. But at least she has got learning to drive out of the way.

SilverApples · 31/08/2013 16:50

OP's DD has had her hair done, wants another piercing, expects her parents to pay for her school stuff and her driving license.
I would fund two of those items.

Viking1 · 31/08/2013 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverApples · 31/08/2013 16:51

So she learns to drive, passes her test and then doesn't use the skill for months or years. That sounds a bit dangerous to me.

twistyfeet · 31/08/2013 16:51

'Well to me being a parent means setting your children up with independence and a sense of responsibility which they're unlikely to get if they expect Mum and Dad to pay for everything.'

Exactly

SilverApples · 31/08/2013 16:52

My parents won't pay for ANYTHING now. It's not fair.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 31/08/2013 16:55

There is a balance to be struck. Perhaps the OPs DD feels like learning to drive is far too expensive to do alone, so isn't going to bother.

An incentive of an offer to help would be more productive than "get a bloody job."

Viking1 · 31/08/2013 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NadiaWadia · 31/08/2013 16:56

No SilverApples, when she is home for the holidays we stick her on our insurance, so she can borrow our car (when convenient). So she does get some practice. I would have thought that was quite usual?

LolaCrayola · 31/08/2013 16:58

Who paid for her to get her hair done?
I think driving is an essential life skill and I think it is more important that fancy gadgets etc. She is under 18, so why aren't you paying?

cushtie335 · 31/08/2013 17:00

*There is a balance to be struck. Perhaps the OPs DD feels like learning to drive is far too expensive to do alone, so isn't going to bother.

An incentive of an offer to help would be more productive than "get a bloody job."*

I didn't get any of that from the OP. Her DD sounds entitled and the OP wishes to stop the attitude now. At 17 she should at least be trying to get a part time job to fund her lifestyle. My DD likes piercings, nice clothes, attending gigs etc., and she know I can't afford to fund that so she's had to do it herself. Seems pretty straightforward to me.

SilverApples · 31/08/2013 17:00

So if it's essential, how do so many manage without?
Do you all mean useful?

vj32 · 31/08/2013 17:01

There is no point learning to drive unless you are going to get a car and actually use it. DH has several friends who learnt to drive before uni. However because it was never essential to use it (they all lived in London), more than ten years on they have never regularly driven a car and are incredibly dangerous when they very occasionally get behind the wheel.

But.. getting a provisional license for ID is a good idea.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 31/08/2013 17:03

How did she get entitled? Who paid for the hair and the piercings?

So now the OP is fed up of the attitude she has created and its her daughters fault?

cushtie335 · 31/08/2013 17:05

"How did she get entitled? Who paid for the hair and the piercings?

So now the OP is fed up of the attitude she has created and its her daughters fault?"

So your solution would be to let it continue by paying for lessons and not suggesting she try and get a job?

You're really not making much sense.

SilverApples · 31/08/2013 17:07

Wannabe, have you got teenagers? They do try and push the boundaries all the time, to see how far and how much they can get. The wise parent says no when the expectation is too high.
DS writes stuff on my shopping list. he doesn't get all his greedy little heart desires.

littlemisswise · 31/08/2013 17:07

We paid for DS1 to learn to drive and will pay for DS2 when he is 17 in December. It is an important life skill to have in our opinion. We live in a very rural area, there is no such thing as a nightbus or any bus to our village after 6:05pm. When DS1 went out with his mates to celebrate his Alevel results, 4 of them shared a taxi back and the driver charged them £80! It was 3am so I get it was going to be expensive, but the journey was 15miles (and no-one puked or anything in the car).

It is, also, important in our family to have extra drivers because DH works away a lot and I have health issues that mean I am not always able to drive.

Both my kids work in part time jobs and pay for a lot of other things themselves.

BackforGood · 31/08/2013 17:08

If she has money to get her hair done, then she's made a choice about what to spend her money on. My 17 yr old was told months before his birthday that we would get him 10 driving lessons, but he needed to get the cash together for the rest. Up to him then to see how much he wants it. He's gone for the halfway house - did ask all reletives for cash for Christmas and birthday rather than gifts, and did save a bit out of his PT job wages, but now realising that I was right and he needed to save more.

dd (who is 14) is already saving £4 a month with me from her weekly paper round earnings of about £6.50... not huge, but over 3 years, that's going to help a lot.

SilverApples · 31/08/2013 17:08

OK, on your profile you are 25 and have 2 children wannabe. So I'm assuming the answer is no to teenagers!

vj32 · 31/08/2013 17:09

When you are realistically talking £25-30 per lesson plus cost of insurance on parents car plus extras for license and tests I think asking the teen to contribute something is reasonable.

However, as other people have said it can be very difficult to get a job at the moment, especially for young people with no experience.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread