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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by DH expecting me to answer the door

55 replies

OhDearNigel · 29/08/2013 08:16

I genuinely don't know whether I am being U or whether DH is being U.

DH rides a motorbike; his bike key is separate to his house key and he puts the house key inside his jacket. He seems to have got into the habit of ringing the doorbell for me to let him in when he gets home and using the excuse that he "couldn't get to the key". He's even started doing it when he has the car and has no thick gloves on which would make retrieving a key difficult. We moved recently and he got into the habit at our old house which was tiny and I could practically open the door without having to move from the sofa. The new house is much bigger, on 3 floors and it is a pain in the arse having to go and answer the door when he has a perfectly good key, just can't be bothered to use it.

I have told him numerous times that I am not the effing butler and "this is the last time I am opening the door for you" but can't help answering the doorbell. Next time I fully intend "being in the garden" and he can cool his heels on the front doorstep as long as he likes

But I am curious - is this behaviour normal ? Does anyone else open the door for their husbands like some sort of Stepford Wife ? Soon I will be expected to mix the martini ready for his arrival and put a ribbon in my hair to look pretty

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 29/08/2013 08:21

That is pretty lazy. What does he do if you're out?

I'd be more sympathetic if it were pouring with rain, but not just generally.

DH gets let in if I happen to notice he's arriving, to save time, but he wouldn't ring the bell unless he didn't have his keys at all (eg when he goes away for more than a day or two he doesn't take his keys). Just for perspective.

Original poster
OhDearNigel · 29/08/2013 08:26

If it was raining I wouldn't mind so much and like you, if I see him arrive I will open the door. If I'm out he obviously has to let himself in.

What hacks me off is having to drop what I'm doing, maybe walk down 4 flights of stairs - inevitably met with "you took your time" Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
OhDearNigel · 29/08/2013 08:28

Oh and in case anyone thinks that DH arrives at the same time every night, he doesn't as he works shifts and finishes when everything is handed over to the next section.

OP posts:
Relaxedandhappyperson · 29/08/2013 08:29

Yanbu. What a lazy sod he is.

pianodoodle · 29/08/2013 08:31

I told DH he needs to start remembering his keys as the other week I'd just put DD in her cot and she was about to fall asleep when he started prowling around causing a disturbance!

He would have known I was in the bedroom with her as her curtains were closed. We live in a bungalow so first it was trying handles, then tapping the bedroom window then "whispering" "pianodooooooooodle" through the side gate Angry

If he'd given me two minutes she would have dropped off but no... So he got let in just in time to go in and settle her himself!

He leaves things in work but worst was when he took both sets of keys including my car keys with the buggy locked in the boot all day of course.

Now he has to be frisked before he leaves in the morning!

Tell your DH to put his bike key and house key on the same bunch :)

MrsHoratioNelson · 29/08/2013 08:35

My DH does this - our bell is incredibly loud so it makes me jump with fright and then I have to haul my 8 month pg self opus of my chair to answer the door. Bloody rude and inconsiderate.

I don't understand at all why they can't keep their keys on the same key ring - I do and I haven't died of heavy keys yet.

Almostfifty · 29/08/2013 08:35

My DH never has a set of keys on him. He never comes home to an empty house, as there's always one of us in, so he doesn't bother to take any. He just has his car key.

However, the front door is usually open as we live in a small village and don't need to keep the door locked.

DizzyPurple · 29/08/2013 08:36

Lazy man. Tell him to stop being so selfish. And then stop opening the door!

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps · 29/08/2013 08:36

I used to do that in a tiny flat. Now, in a bigger house, we both always use the key. Just ignore the bell. You're actually letting him do it.

samuraispider · 29/08/2013 08:37

That is lazy.

I'm always pleased to see my DH so wouldn't actually mind.

I do tend to think that if someone is doing something you don't like then you have to 'adopt a tactic' to deal with it. In this case, you need to be in the garden with your mp3 oblivious...

Belugagrad · 29/08/2013 08:39

This would hack me off.

madasa · 29/08/2013 08:39

My daughter used to do that. I just feigned deafness.....

FetchezLaVache · 29/08/2013 08:40

Wait until it's pissing it down with rain, then be right at the top of the house engaged in a spot of hoovering next time he does it. When he complains, apologise profusely yet insincerely and point out that how you're in a much larger house it might be better for him to rely on his own wits to get in the front door.

JackNoneReacher · 29/08/2013 08:42

What does he think you're the staff?

Longdistance · 29/08/2013 08:42

Tell him to get a key cut for his motorbike keys as well.

He is a lazy sod.

ConfusedPixie · 29/08/2013 08:43

Do you have a chain on the door? Use it, and when it's him, just close the door, unhook the chain and walk off. He'll soon learn!

MakeGlutenFreeHay · 29/08/2013 08:47

Why on earth are you enabling the lazy sod by actually opening the door for him? Just stop, he'll soon get the message.

OTTMummA · 29/08/2013 08:53

Just stop answering it, if he gets shitty tell him you did say you wouldn't be doing it any more as you find it really rude.

If you can manage to not do this then he shouldn't expect special treatment.
This would drive me mad.

HorryIsUpduffed · 29/08/2013 08:58

Presumably if you don't know when he is coming home you can't ignore the doorbell, because it might be the postman or the neighbour or somebody else without a key Hmm so you do need to point out how rude it is, perhaps reinforced by reciprocating when he is in and you pop out?

KittyLilith · 29/08/2013 09:02

Lazy beggar! And a motorbike is no excuse. DH rides and still has the ability to locate his key and use it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/08/2013 09:04

If it really is monotonously regular I'd start applying nail polish the second he rings the doorbell and take your sweet time to get to a window over the front door, waggle your fingers and mouth "Wet nails". Or "Wanker" depending on how poor his lip reading is. The worse the weather that day or night the better.

Or just ignore.

Yonihadtoask · 29/08/2013 09:04

I wouldn't do it.

Tell him to put the key on with his bike keys.

If you aren't in, then he would have to work it out himself???

livinginwonderland · 29/08/2013 09:05

Just don't answer it.

Elsiequadrille · 29/08/2013 09:06

I always knock on the door first if dh is home, even if I have my key with me (which I usually do). Nothing to do with laziness, and he really doesn't mind answering the door.

LustyBusty · 29/08/2013 09:13

I've just broken my housemate of this habit... I tend to finish work at 4, home by 4:15. He tends to finish at 5, home by 5:30. He started when we moved in and only had 2 keys between 3 of us, so no probs. now, he keeps his key in his bag and CBA to get it out. Anyway, I sprained my ankle, needing crutches (at this point, he didn't know). He gets home and rings the doorbell. I ignore it, as it's either him or a cold caller. Doorbell goes again, so I lever myself off the sofa, grab crutches, wobble to front door. As I get to front door it opens, he's got the key out. I got a bit cross and snapped something along the lines of "oh, so glad I dragged my sprained ankle off the sofa, putting unnecessary weight on it, just so you didn't have to inconvenience yourself " and hobbled back to sofa. He had the decency to look sheepish and apologise. (And he didn't even say "but I didn't know you'd got a bad leg" as that really would have unleaded the fury!!) he's not rung bell since (about 3 months).
Ok, spraining ankle to prove a point may be a little drastic, but if you can, don't just head for the door, can you be "in the shower"/"on the loo"/"doing the dishes"/whatever, so that it's more inconvenient for HIM to wait? Good luck!!