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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by DH expecting me to answer the door

55 replies

OhDearNigel · 29/08/2013 08:16

I genuinely don't know whether I am being U or whether DH is being U.

DH rides a motorbike; his bike key is separate to his house key and he puts the house key inside his jacket. He seems to have got into the habit of ringing the doorbell for me to let him in when he gets home and using the excuse that he "couldn't get to the key". He's even started doing it when he has the car and has no thick gloves on which would make retrieving a key difficult. We moved recently and he got into the habit at our old house which was tiny and I could practically open the door without having to move from the sofa. The new house is much bigger, on 3 floors and it is a pain in the arse having to go and answer the door when he has a perfectly good key, just can't be bothered to use it.

I have told him numerous times that I am not the effing butler and "this is the last time I am opening the door for you" but can't help answering the doorbell. Next time I fully intend "being in the garden" and he can cool his heels on the front doorstep as long as he likes

But I am curious - is this behaviour normal ? Does anyone else open the door for their husbands like some sort of Stepford Wife ? Soon I will be expected to mix the martini ready for his arrival and put a ribbon in my hair to look pretty

OP posts:
Original poster
OhDearNigel · 29/08/2013 09:23

Makegluten, I wanted to gather opinions as to whether I was being unreasonable by being annoyed before deciding on a course of action.

That course of action is going to be "not hearing the bell as I was on the top floor with the door shut" and ringing the bell when I get home and he is in. And then asking him why it's taken him so long to answer the door.....

OP posts:
VisualCharades · 29/08/2013 09:26

Haha I do that. Am gonna stop now tho!

MissStrawberry · 29/08/2013 09:30

I was agreeing with that he is being a lazy sod but at the "you took your time" would have me never open the damn door again for him. Cheeky fucker. Treating you like his getting in the house a few seconds sooner is more important than whatever you might be doing.

Sometimes I get up and let DH in if I see him coming but not always and mostly I don't tbh.

sydlexic · 29/08/2013 09:31

IME the only way to make DH understand is to do it to him. I would pop out when his relaxing and ring the bell to get in.

CockyFox · 29/08/2013 09:31

I always open the door for DH when I see his car pull up, I am always glad to see him and like to get my cuddle and a quick kiss before he gets in the living room to an onslaught of "dad look at this" "dad will you play with me" etc.

ithaka · 29/08/2013 09:35

It sounds like it is all lovely for him to always arrive to dear wifey opening the door and letting him in after his 'hard' day. As I work and go out a lot, this would never be an issue for me.

Personally, OP, I would go out more - it would depress me if I was the one 'always at home' - it is more likely to be me coming home to DH in our house.

AndWhenYouGetThere · 29/08/2013 09:38

I wouldn't do it to him - that just makes it an acceptable thing to do - which it ISN'T. Just make it slower and more annoying for him to doorbell than to get the key out.

mikkii · 29/08/2013 09:43

I am usually at work or in bed when DH gets home.

I usually have the DC who may knock while I'm still collecting all the crap kids want to have in the car necessities, but would not knock if on my own.

As mentioned up the thread, I may help him by opening the door if I see him pull onto the drive or hear the car door shut, but I often CBA.

Original poster
OhDearNigel · 29/08/2013 09:47

Personally, OP, I would go out more

I work 44 hours a week.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhDearNigel · 29/08/2013 09:50

sorry, pressed post too soon.

I work 44 hours a week, am out of the house from 7am on Friday until 7pm on Saturday. DH just seems to have got into this habit when he knows I am in the house - sometimes he comes home at 3pm after earlies, sometimes it's 11:30pm after lates. Or other times it could be after he's been out gardening (we both have second jobs). He doesn't work a 9-5.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/08/2013 10:49

He needs to put a house key on the same ring as his bike key. There is NO excuse for him not to do this, and I would tell him so.

"Darling, put a house key on the ring with your bike key, because I am resigning as your butler."

Snorbs · 29/08/2013 11:11

While I absolutely agree that OhDearNigel's DH is being a lazy arse, there is often a good reason not to put a house key (or any other key) on the same key ring as a bike key. The other keys end up scratching the paint off the bike.

themaltesefalcon · 29/08/2013 11:28

The other keys end up scratching the paint off the bike.

Heaven forfend! Won't someone think of the bike paint?!

OP, I've just realised I do this to my husband, whenever I cannot be arsed scrabbling in the bottom of my handbag for the keys. I shall mend my ways.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/08/2013 12:37

I will knit him a little bag to tie round the other keys, in order to cushion the precious paint.

Or he could buy this product, which does the same thing, but is probably much cooler.

Seriously - I spent about 15 seconds googling magnetic key holder for motorbikes and this came up. He needs to get of his lazy 'arris and sort the problem himself.

StuntGirl · 29/08/2013 13:26

Tell him today that you won't be answering the door like a butler, and then just stop doing it. I know, that banging noise will be annoying at first (cause he'll probably knock anyway despite being told) but give it a few times and he'll realise he either opens the door himself or stays locked out!

eurochick · 29/08/2013 13:29

Just don't answer it. He'll soon fish the key out of his jacket.

comingalongnicely · 29/08/2013 13:41

Get a couple of extra house keys cut, put one on his bike keyring & one on his car keyring, then the lazy bugger has no choice.

Worked fine for me for the past 12 years on my bike....

BaronessBomburst · 29/08/2013 13:46

But motor bike gloves are really flexible and easy to do things in! I actually use my bike gloves on my bicycle because not only are they warmer, but I can unzip my pockets, put keys in and out, and lock and unlock a padlock all without taking them off. I can't even do that effectively in knitted gloves. Confused

DorothyBastard · 29/08/2013 14:01

"You took your time"? I'd've shut the door in his face at that little line. How disrespectfully rude.

nickelbabe · 29/08/2013 14:12

I do it to DH, but if he doesn't answer (in the time I would expect him to take to get from the living room to the door), then I let myself in.
I don't wait for him to get to me!

your DH is very rude, and it needs to stop.

MissStrawberry · 29/08/2013 14:19

But why disturb someone in the first place when you can get yourself in? Confused

They could be cooking, it gets burnt.
They could be on the loo, very inconvenient.
Busy with a child, etc etc.

It is annoying as one would assume it is a delivery or a stranger so you have to answer as surely your partner can't be too lazy as to not retrieve their own keys and let themselves in to their own home.

Youhaventseenme · 29/08/2013 14:21

Tell him the S on your back is for Sexy, not slave.

nemno · 29/08/2013 14:24

This is a horrible thing to do to your partner unless you are loaded up with children or bags. The person in the house stopping what they are doing is almost always more effort for them than the one at the door getting their key out.

nickelbabe · 29/08/2013 17:16

MissS - mine is usually because i'm carrying shopping or DD.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 29/08/2013 22:51

A biker writes: we keep our ignition key separate so that the bunch doesn't scratch our pride and joy.

But unlike this lazy twunt, we don"t mind opening our own door no matter where the key is. If I were to knock up DW when I finish tonight's shift, she'd have my balls for earrings.

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